Run: 1804
Date: Monday 28th May 2012
Hare: Cumagain
Venue: The Observatory, Reedy Creek
Runners: 23

Weeks to AGPU: ONE F.CKING WEEK!!!!!
HURRAY NOMINATIONS CLOSING FRIDAY FOR FINAL HIERARCHY POSITIONS,
DON’T MISS YOUR FINAL OPPORTUNITY TO PUT YOUR SNOUT IN THE TROUGH!

Normally this would be the final writing of the words by yours truly. However this is no normal Hierarchy and in fact one that has stood heads and shoulders above the rest and has constantly provided the extraordinary. Thus we will continue into next week to provide the final chapter of this great reign and no doubt enter the Hash realms as the greatest Hierarchy in this Hash’s history.

Enough humble words and time to get back to this week’s run at the heights of Reedy Creek, otherwise known as The Observatory, and for very good reasons given the nose bleeding heights endured to reach the summit. The windy cold day had now turned further for the worst as the rain loomed towards the band of 23 runners who had assembled under the shelter, shivering and wishing for the fire of last week. KB and the Hare could only conjure life into the nearby BBQ, which sadly provided little relief.

The Hare set us on our way into the light drizzle which, had now appeared on cue, and he advised the walkers to do their best as no independent trail had been set. The problem with starting at the top of the hill is that one must venture downhill before at some stage returning to the top. And so it was as the adventurous pack descended down the first of many hills, then on right into the bush path following one of many fence lines. It is a hard trail to describe as each bush section appeared the same as the previous and each road section and adjoining roundabout also resembled the past one.

But so it was as we zig zagged back and forth through bush paths, fence lines, hills, more hills and yet more hills. The rain came and went as the well-marked trail started to disappear under the increasingly wet conditions.

There were plenty of checks but the Hare, on his trusty push bike, kept the pack moving as the trail kept fading. We finally emerged where we thought we were but not really and were advised by the Hare to run down the hill, turn left at the roundabout and then just follow your nose home. The problem was he forgot to mention the last leg was about 3 kilometres.

Somehow, eagle eye and front runner, Rectum, kept finding the fading arrows and kept the front runners on trail (even Flasher stayed in touch). However a few further back found the going tough and the stand in GM, Josephine, and another Hierarchy member, Botulism, got lost. After all had got home and had now retreated to the welcome warmth of Cumagain’s garage he figured he’d better hop in his car and go find the missing elite members. Fortunately they soon emerged though from the opposite direction and all was well.

Being the last week of nominations for Hierarchy positions before the AGPU, the pack were circling for favouritism. Even Veteran had broken away from his busy schedule as president of everything he can be president of in order to make a tilt at another term. Sir Cumference had just secured his multi-million dollar settlement from his deck accident in Robina and instead of buying a new yacht at the boat show selflessly bought new winter wear for the entire Hash. Nasty had come good with Crownies for his birthday and had even changed his flights from yet another trip to ensure he could be around. By the way, any resemblance to reality with the above mentioned stories is just a fluke.

The nosh consisted of a good feed of curried snags and rice followed by ice cream dessert. Nasty gave it a “well done” remarking what a good effort for $50 – 7/10. Swollen gave a long report on the run saying “it was well marked, lots of hills, rough underfoot, good under difficult conditions, 7/10”. Sadly, losing the stand in GM and Botulism cost him half a mark for poor directions finishing with a 6.5/10.

However Flasher was the talk of the night with his derogatory comments about the Splinter Lunch venue posted on the actual morning of the lunch, allegedly spooking a couple of potential starters. Accordingly Flasher was given the POW as well as another down down just because he deserved it. Well done to Cumagain for a top night at the top of the Gold Coast.

Down Downs:
Cumagain: Hare
Sir Cumference: Provision of “settlement” gifts

Nasty: Birthday boy and Crownies provided, thanks

KB, Blue Card: Drinking two Crownies, thus depriving 3 Hierarchy of their rations

Flasher: Posting derogatory comments of Splinter Lunch venue, morning of lunch

Flasher: POW (by Kwayka) for above mentioned deplorable act

Truck Tyre: Mobile going off in circle (twice)

Carefree: Visitor

____________________________________________________________________
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1803
Date: Monday 21st May 2012
Hare: Rectum
Venue: Mount Tamborine
Runners: 22

Weeks to AGPU: 2!! (Yes only TW0 weeks)
HURRAY NOMINATIONS CLOSING SOON FOR HIERARCHY POSITIONS,
DON’T MISS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO PUT YOUR SNOUT IN THE TROUGH!

Rectum was always going to be under pressure on his forthcoming run. He who complains about the quality of the run and food to the extreme (not to be confused with a whinging POM) was about to be tested. The northern alliance left early in the day, had GPS coordinates uploaded, Westpac chopper on standby, extra fuel on board, cut lunch. Even Sir Cumference emptied his fridge and donated a 6pack for the trip up figuring it would be such a long trip extra sustenance would be required.

We finally found the location with time to spare and a good crowd of 22 runners showed for the event despite numerous Hashers away overseas. We waited for Botcho, Flasher and crew who detoured via the golf course and numerous other scenic sites. The pack was getting restless as the assistant booze master was nowhere in sight. Had Swollen succumbed to the pressure of having to perform his duties for three weeks? However we were assured the pub was only a couple of kilometres away should tragedy strike so the order to go was given.

It was always going to be dark and cold in these parts of the hills and so it was as Rectum gave the brief and set us off on our way. Along the path we went then left along the road before hitting the first of many checks. Further along the road with Blacky keenly leading the way despite the near pitch black darkness, obviously the council in these parts haven’t yet discovered street lights.

Further along to more checks and seemingly heading further away from the prominent landmark of the St Bernard’s pub where the walkers were allegedly fast tracking to. We soon emerged at the main western road and started heading back towards home, dodging the peak hour traffic of three vehicles in the process.

The darkness made it difficult to see the seemingly never ending hills, making the going tough for the intrepid runners. We finally emerged at Alpine terrace and started the run, sadly past the pub, for home. I had to leap over a sizeable python running late for his winter hibernation and then was attacked (sort of) by a rabid mutt not happy with the rabble of the runners in his normally quiet street.

Some said the run was a little like Labrador, but in the hills with acreage and mutts, however the consensus was that it was well marked, a good winter run, virgin territory, and no one got lost, and amid high expectations, as explained by Blackstump who gave it a 7/10. Truck Tyre said the delightful meal of tortillas with chicken, beans, pickled veggies and more was good and Show Pony said the sticky date pudding dessert was brilliant. Accordingly the nosh was given a good 8.5/10.

A top effort by the Hare and well assisted by of course KB. Notably too KB decided to christen himself as the “Fire Master” and produced a great warming fire in his somewhat altered beer keg. The scene in the bush, the cold night, and the warming fire reminded many of us of the runs of days gone by where a big fire was the order of the night during winter runs.

With the AGPU only two weeks away the stand in GM, Josephine, asked for volunteers to audition for prospective positions. Rug stepped up to the plate and took over the RA position as though he was meant for it, the Hierarchy has noted this fine effort and we’re sure it will be well rewarded. Thanks to all for showing, thanks to Rectum for a great evening and thanks to KB for his kitchen skills and fire starting efforts.

Down Downs:
Rectum: Hare

Botulism: Lost on way despite being one who sent out directions

Truck Tyre: Lost on way to run

Flasher: Complaining to Booze Master adding to stress

Flasher: Alleged incident with Miss South Africa

KB: Dirtying Rug’s plate after he had cleaned it up

KB: Trying to charge assistant Booze Master, Swollen, with sanitary issues

Kawaka: Passed on credit by Rectum, pay back for POW

Head Job: Failing in duty of care decimating Nasty and Splat on boat trip

Caustic: Allegedly interfering with Head Job’s sex life

Kawaka: POW by Hard ON, because he said he’s only had it once before

Hard ON: Bravery award for riding to Harley shop on Vespa to get leather jacket

____________________________________________________________________
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1801
Date: Monday 7th May 2012
Hare: VD, Head Job & Splat
Venue: Nobby’s Beach
Runners: 31

Weeks to AGPU: 4
PLEASE NOTE NOMINATIONS CLOSING SOON FOR HIERARCHY POSITIONS;
DON’T MISS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO PUT YOUR SNOUT IN THE TROUGH!!

Being a long weekend would we reach the 20 mark or even less as only a few stragglers met at the start? Yet it appeared most had fought off their instincts to partake in an afternoon beer to attend the run as a healthy 31 runners finally showed.

Even Latrine made a comeback showing a spell in the New Guinea Highlands had not managed to subdue his form. Apparently he arrived early, failed to find anyone and proceeded to run the trail in reverse until finding us at the half way mark, then having to turn and head for home with the rest of us. The next debacle involved a slight bit of confusion as to which park the run was starting from with both parks having been popular past venues.

Apparently most went to the wrong park which turned out was actually the right park and a few including Ferret, Truck Tyre and Miscarriage went to the right park which was then the wrong park, got it!

VD was officially the hare but he cunningly decided to outsource the run to the new comers of Head Job and Splat and decided this could be their virgin effort. We set off with the sun still up and promises of a good run, no hills, bush and a drink stop. So off we went up the 100 f..ing steps, OK it wasn’t a hill but it’s still a scam.
Fortunately the bikini babe photo shoot on the beach distracted us from the pain. Down the hill and across the highway for the long stretch westwards. Lots of checks in the early parts (though a bit predictable) and lots of zig zagging our way towards the Burleigh Golf Club.

It was now fairly evident that we would end up in Pizzey Park as we continued on our merry way. Up another hill and we were soon at the park. Slab used local knowledge and decided he would miss the lap of honour around the park as did Flasher who by now, and as we know regularly, had disappeared on yet another of his mystery runs.

Pity, the guys missed out on passing the very athletic group of females training on the oval. In amongst the pine trees and sludge we found latrine patiently waiting for us to arrive and joined us for the run home. After emerging from the park we found Slab waiting for us as we continued along the pathways to Pacific Avenue and then turned east towards home.

At the highway we turned north to our horror then across the highway at Nobbys Beach shops and then finally towards the beach again. We came across the false drink stop (water tap) then continued along to the beach pathway to the waiting hares and refreshing ales. After a short stop it was onwards for the kilometre or so home.

Pity about the lack of lighting as we missed many a great sight jogging past us in the opposite direction (you’d think Sir Prince would have that fixed by now).

Back at home base VD had stayed back and was busy preparing the night’s feast, which was the usual failsafe of steak, snags and salad, followed by ice cream for dessert. My steak was OK but some mentioned it was going to make a great shoe instep

. Never the less Pizza thought it was great and gave it a resounding 9.5/10. Missing Link gave the run report, saying some of the arrows were a bit close and more check backs required but otherwise a great first effort (and well-marked too I must add) 6.5/10. As the super bright (and red) full moon rose above the tree line it was time to get the now tired Hashers home.

I don’t know what Sandpit did wrong but he ended up driving home with Pizza, Latrine and Caustic as passengers. Now that would have added up to a stimulating conversation on the trip home. Well done guys.

Down Downs:
VD, Head Job & Splat: Hares

Head Job & Rug: Scratching BMW, Rug – erratic driving, lane changing, cutting off bus, break light out and 300 runs

Flasher: Promising 50% of his winnings on TV quiz show and delivering nothing

Latrine, Iceman & Swindler: Returning runners

Kevin: New name, “Blue Card” (involved in child care business)
Flasher: Not making Saturday run due to having to stay home to clean up dog shit

Caustic: Gossips & Jigsaw abuse and allegedly trying to eradicate Booze Master

____________________________________________________________________
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs