Run 1815
Date : 13th August 2012
Hare : Moonbeams
Venue : Cascade Gardens, Surfers Paradise
Runners 21

Weeks to Cocktail night – 16

This is the second attempt as the Mac just deleted everything. Apple is not everything its cracked up to be.

A depleted pack gathered at the venue (see why later) and were informed by the Hare – Moonbeams that an incentive of grog vouchers had been secreted onto the trail and could be redeemed at the eating establishment.

Consequently the pack left with some vigour and a degree of urgency, onto the track at the rear of the car park eventually coming to what looked like a definite dead-end in the middle of a canal, which is exactly what it was. Only the GM, RA and myself went full distance and received wet feet as a thank you. My discomfort was relieved somewhat as I heard Moonbeams fall off his bike (for the first time) Karma is a bitch.

We skirted the canal until crossing over at Enderley Avenue and then traversed the estates between Rio Vista and the water. Checks were a plenty, false trails unmarked and on arrows miles apart. Non-the less everything was run down in the search for the elusive vouchers.

The lead runners changed frequently as more people became lost and some gave up and headed home. Both Josephine and Sir Prince made a good front running appearance.

The three of us met up at the drink stop and indulged in a rather fine drop of tawny port (from a casket no less) served by mien host Carefree. We waited for a regroup, but with the exception of Swindler and Blue Card everyone else had either retired or missed the drinks stop entirely.

With Moonbeams in tow we all set off down TE Peters, over the bridge and on home up the highway.

After a small refreshment stop, we adjourned to the 1st Avenue tavern for nourishment.

Most opted for the daily ‘special’ – Beef stroganoff. For special read ‘ordinary’ and for Beef stroganoff read mushroom stroganoff with an onion chaser. Jenny Craig had obviously sponsored the meal. Those of us who had opted to go upmarket ended up with an adult sized portion with loads of chips (which were handed out to those who had chosen unwisely).

The circle was got underway by the GM who commented that the hare had been saved from an icing (over by 17 mins) due to the free beers. Caustic commented he had been unable to find the trail prompting the question “didn’t it go as far as the Darcy Arms?”

Making full use of the opportunity, Caustic explained how he had been much maligned after the last splinter lunch, that it wasn’t a dummy spit, he just went home to watch the rugby. You seem to forget I was there (laughing if I remember correctly). Caustic then advised us he had warned Cum smoke not to attend as there was a threatened slap due to the non-apology. This of course led to calls for Caustic to make up for lost revenue.

Rug gave the walk report – very lonely/dispute over checks/distance between arrows, which in turn led to a verbal dispute with Moonbeams

Croc interjected that Moonbeams was the first to complain that “we never go anywhere new” yet here we were back at Cascade Gardens. Once again Moonbeams took exception. The circle was becoming increasingly aggressive.

Kitchen Bitch asked how the hare was able to provide such food for the money, describing the non-existent entrée and desserts as delicious but mains lacking 4.5/10

Josephine as one of the three who actually completed the whole run scored it a 7.8/10 (strangely enough just less than his own run scored)

Returners – Phantom/Arse up both pissed off before the food, maybe they had eaten the special previously.

RA took to the floor and invited Kwakka (or Quaker if you were the waitress) to update us on his European tour. Kwakka name-dropped his whole itinerary before declaring the highlight as saying goodbye to Shat.

DD to Carefree for refusing a lift home to Swindler and Blue Card the only walkers to make the drinks stop

We were then treated to a trio of gynecologist’s jokes finishing with two from the RA. A self imposed DD ensued as the RA’s offerings were below par.

No POW (apparently too scared of Caustic) leaving Moonbeams to remark “but you used to be his Bum Boy” apparently the bro-mance is over.

Who would have thought that Nazi sympathizers would still be evident in 2012. Well its true, Sir Slab, Flasher, Shat and others (in future to be referred to as ‘the Turncoat Bastards’) left the exalted fold of our Monday Night Hash to attend a Nazi party up Brissy way. What some people will do to dress up. I have spoken with the party organizer Adolph von Layup, he informs me that as a result of the run Flasher will now be known as ‘Kurze Schneide’. This is German for short cutter.

The pack voiced its displeasure at the non-attendance.

The Culprits.

Dates of note –

22nd August Red Dress run for the Cambodian kid at 6.30pm. Lets get some good numbers so we can show the wed/thurs hash tossers what running (and more importantly drinking) is all about. Oh and raise some money for charity.

26th August Sir Slab bike ride (German parties permitting)

8th September – Mudder at Woodford if you’re hard enough and still own a set (see Cum Smoke or myself)

24th September October Fest at Pizzas (don’t worry he’s not doing the food or the run)

Mid November – Sunday family bike ride at Varsity lakes

1st December – Cocktail Party, details to follow

New Years Eve – possible function

Next weeks run Sir Slab @ Robina football club (near Dog and Parrot) (German Parties permitting)

A big hand to Moonbeams for a champion effort when he was a little under the weather.

On On and Sieg Heil

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Most of the above may be untrue.

 

News Flash

 

 

 

 

Hash House Hussars….

Gourmet Hash Grand Master.. Bent Banana not happy with Hash members who attended a rival Hash rather than  Moonbeam’s magnificent run.

The culprits. Photos removed as request!!

Run 1814
Date : 6th August 2012
Hare : Flatulence
Venue : The Esplanade, Paradise Point
Runners 32 (yes 32)

Weeks to next Paradise Point run – about 3 (its taking over from Len Fox)

Numbers were almost as strong as the feeling of De ja Vu at the venue, 32 specimens in the prime of life gathered with the back drop of Ephraim Island. (looks like a giant house boat at night).

Once again personal commitments meant I was unable to complete the run, so the following account was obtained from those who had.

The pack set off from the venue in the direction of Sovereign Island and several got lost at a confusing first check, the route looped around sending all towards the sports club near runaway bay before returning home.

Quotes were – “Not many runners”
“Too long” (11k)
“Too straight”
“missing arrows at the sports field”
“Pretty boring”

So when you take out the perennial Hash whiners, it was a pretty normal run then.

On arrival Cum Smoke and I were set the task of eating a very large bowl of dipping chips which we almost completed without assistance, fortunately there were top-ups for those who had mistakenly chosen to run.

Food was served and had obviously been sponsored by the United Nations, potatoes (Russia) Chilli (Mexico) Spaghetti (Italy) Strudel (Denmark). That said it was hot and tasty and in abundance.

Circle called and Flatulence brought out.

Veteran was asked to comment on Flasher, who rather surprisingly, had not short cut (as much as normal) this run. Despite Veterans protestations no one believed a word of it. Especially Ossie who decided to do the trail by car so he could find the venue (?) and who witnessed Flasher again not on trail but claiming to be.

Truck Tyres gave comment on the run “Lost whole course” (7.5) prompting moonbeams to question why he had been selected to comment.

Rock Hard, back from walkabout, stated about the food “I’m not sure what it was, but it was very good 8/10”

Visitors – Little Hun (from Sydney)
Jerry (from Holland)
Rick (from Show Pony’s family)

Returners – Rug (UK)
Rock Hard (Perth)
Flatulence (Port somewhere)

The RA opened with a poem about farting, which wasn’t up to the standard of Sir Prince’s Indonesian story last week nor up to the quality of the very loud fart Sir Prince perpetrated at the end of the poem. DD for his efforts (and an underwear check later)

There was then a dementia half hour of half forgotten, badly told jokes.

POW – Ferret, who was still sulking over last weeks award, gave the blow-up doll to Veteran then passed the Prick to Cum Smoke for sheer gluttony over the dipping chips incident (You didn’t deserve that) taking it on the chin, Cum Smoke nicely downed the yard glass.

Veteran was invited out after completing 100 runs but without any award (to follow)(don’t get your hopes up, remember the GM saying very few hand outs this year)

Excel Pet unable to attend but sends his regards (I did cook breakfast for him last Saturday morning but that’s another story) (No rule #1 infringement honest)

Mumbles back from wherever and should be making an appearance soon. Same story for Pizza who we haven’t seen (or Heard) for a while.

Red dress run soon, check your emails and also Thirsty Thursday doing a fundraiser at Broadbeach this Thursday so try to make an effort and support it please.

Link, VD and Bouncer currently consuming their body weight in red wine at Ayres Rock. (beats the locals favourite tipple – unleaded)

DD for Moonbeams for assuming that everyone knows where next weeks run venue is. Its Cascade Gardens, Surfers, so remember no valuables to be left in your car.

Thanks to Flatulence for returning from Hols, setting the run and cooking with no outside help, makes a change from you weak b#st@rds who need some holding your hands.

On On

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Some of the above may be untrue.

From the Archives.. Words from Run 1

Run 1813
Date : 30th July 2012
Hare : Shat
Venue : Budds Beach, Surfers
Runners not sure

Weeks to Christmas Bash – About 19

It was billed as the Surfers Novelty/Olympic run, as the Hare explained that an authentic Olympic torch (manufactured by Sir Rabbit) was to be carried ‘baton relay style’ for the duration. Instructions (far too complex for us simple folk) were also given for the carriage and rewarded return of a miniature inflatable doll (which looked full size when flasher had it)

That said, we set off to a smattering of arrows, which eventually led us through Chevron Renaissance, I handed to the torch to the second recipient, Jigsaw who within five minutes had vanished and was never to be seen on the route again. (so much for baton relay style)

The route took us through hordes of bemused tourists, through shopping malls, and on and off the Esplanade in a northernly direction.

Macintosh bridge led us back towards the Gold Coast Highway and civilization, the trip under the sundial bridge was omitted due to high tide, as I emerged on the south side of the bridge I saw the serial short cutting bast#rd that is flasher who had nicely removed the Macintosh bridge section but was claiming the whole route as per usual.

On home was sighted after the board walk leading to Budds Beach and Shateaux Shat. Overall not many checks or false trails but the novelty aspects made it a memorable outing.

Under the strobe lighting we were offered unnaturally red coloured sausages, steaming hot, alongside bowls of tomato ketchup and loaves of bread, a hungry (and slightly cold) pack devoured the starter and then tucked into the mains – roast chicken, potato, pumpkin and garden peas with gravy. Dessert was apple pie custard and ice cream. Mrs. Coles or Mr. Woolworths had been very busy preparing the feast.

The new whistle was moistened to indicate circle was commencing. The hare was invited out, cross examination showed Veteran set the trail, KB managed the portion control, Joss finished off where Mrs. Coles had started and Shat …..well….…he had the ‘Concept’.

Someone, I cant remember who, scored the run 7.75 and Sir Slab described the food as ‘Bloody fantastic’ scoring an 8+.

Continuing the Olympic theme, three gold medals (that’s more than the English and Australian athletes combined) were awarded

1 – Flasher – largest number of short cuts (who’d have guessed)
2 – Cum Smoke – outrageous number of foul-mouthed interruptions (as 1)
3 – Black Stump – all time greatest athlete with the worlds shortest recovery times

Returners – Big ‘O’ and Iceman

DD to Jigsaw as a proxy for Caustic, for a dummy spit at the casino which McEnroe would have been proud of. I was asked not to mention that it was felt that Caustic could not drive a “finger up his own arse” so I wont.

RA – DD to Cum Smoke for waking the former mayor of Ephraim Island (Two
Dogs)
– Kitchen Bitch for selling sex toys (rubber eggs)

Iceman attempted another joke (no I don’t know why) I’ve seen Leyton Hewitt with a better delivery

It seems, according to the Bulletin, that there was in fact more than one type of hash at last weeks run, this could explain Sir AH’s absence, permanent smile and constant request for nibbles.

DD for show pony for not viewing the hash photos (you weren’t the only one)

Hilarious story about an Indonesian toilet and a turd by Sir Prince

POW finally re-awarded to Ferret despite protests and denials for failing to follow the complex rules regarding the inflatable lady.

GM presented with holiday gifts from Sir Slab

Next weeks run – Flatulence @ mission beach (?)

Thanks to Team Shat for a memorable night (well the pervert neighbour thought so)

On On

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Rug on Tour
Having just returned from Olympic torch duty with SH3 I enclose a picture taken on the Monday Hash on the day that the Olympic torch passed through Scarborough, North Yorkshire, my home town.

On the evening as I ran through the streets carrying the torch with the pack following, locals tooted their horns and I am sure many would have gone home to say they had seen the Olympic torch heading out of Scarborough on the evening.