Run 1851

Date    :           22nd April 2013

Hare    :           Caustic and Iceman

Venue :           Reedy Creek

Runners         30ish

Weeks to the new hierachy – 4, be afraid, be very afraid.

Lots of men came to the run. It was a good run in the bush. The food was nice and the circle was fun. Josephine you can stop reading now. Anyone with an intelligence quotient of more than 15 please read on (apologies a handful of you are excluded).

Seriously though, adult illiteracy is a big problem in Queensland, so we should support him. If you need help you can ring 07-844258922 or 07-T-H-I-C-K-T-W-A-T.

Finally the arrival of the long awaited Gold Coast ‘Brigadoon’ or the ‘Reedy Creek Classic’. Who knew what to expect, if the hype was to be believed then we were in for a treat of immense proportions (well according to the gospel of St. Caustic anyway).

Arrival at the venue showed a perfect picture postcard view of the Goldie from an elevated vantage point. Privacy looked to be assured as development of our cul-de-sac had yet to start and the only nearby dwelling was unoccupied. It was easy to tell we were down south by the sound of the melting polar icecap and by the fact that VD and Sir AH had made an appearance. Strangely though it was a no-show by the Bitch.

Chairs and tables were set up and the brazier stoked and ready. Some questioned the quantity of piled firewood as the athletes warmed up for the main event.

Our Hare Caustic explained the continually changing hash rules and markings and set us on our way. The walkers were each charged with bringing a log back for the fire.

The trail lead from a path onto a dirt track at which point we were on flour, undulating was one way to describe it, f*cking hilly was another. The trail was well marked with a multitude of checks and demanding to say the least, especially the numerous rocks with the potential for ankle breaking.

It essentially looped clockwise before entering a small quantity of bush and emerging very close to the point of departure. Very little was experienced in the way of tarmac, especially if  you were one of the front-runners who cut the last corner.

6.33 km according to my phone app and about 55 mins worth of a proper hash trail in the middle of nowhere. The only minor criticism was the lack of a re-group.

A commendable performance at the front by Truck Tyres, also of note was Flasher not short cutting and putting up his hand for most of the checks and lastly……..Cum Smoke who ran the whole thing. No seriously, he ran the whole thing. Okay, he says he ran the whole thing.

Once back, it was evident that some of the walkers had raided a building site evidenced by the pile of treated pine alongside the Brazier. The smarter among us, took up a position upwind to avoid the poisonous fumes.

Iceman our food hare looked decidedly out of his comfort zone and explained he had a troublesome day. Maybe he was worried that the food would not meet the standard of the run.

The old faithful of starters – dipping chips and dips were fine, but the mains?

WOW is how I would start, Basmati rice light and fluffy – perfectly cooked – was the best I have had on a run and the chicken curry likewise. The chicken didn’t just fall off the bone but it melted on the tongue, delicious heat and just enough sauce. Ideal for the time of year.

Hand made ice-creams (shame about the budget vanilla) were lifted with the addition of fresh strawberries and mock-o-late sauce. Nice job. Clearly a conspiracy for run and nosh of the year.

The inaugural meeting of the Gold Coast knitting circle took place during the food, Cum Smoke, Sir Ah and Truck Tyres all swapped recipes and cooking tips to commemorate the purchase of Cum Smoke’s new Slow cooker (seems appropriate somehow).

Bent Banana called the circle to bear and invited out Caustic and Iceman. Iceman took time to give us a little history lesson, apparently Hitler conceded to Henry VIII this day in 1509.

The GM extolled the virtues of the venue – ‘great spot, new place, spent ages finding it’

Flasher was asked to critique the run – ‘pretty damn good, not enough hills or rocks, very good’

Of the walk, Ferret described his near heart arrhythmia due to a particularly large spider combined with a Sir Prince Valliant practical joke and complimented the new territory.

Rug said of the food – ‘Excellent, wonderful, I really enjoy swallowing whole chicken bones (some alleged it as Ibis) a good 8/10 which Moonbeams explained was better than a bad 8/10.

DD’s to two of our elder statesmen Moonbeams and Flasher, a Hashy birthday to both. Flasher revealed his birthday pressy from Mme Lash as a ticket to Iron Man 3D, Two Dogs suggested it was for a cinema in Darwin and came with a one-way plane ticket. Personally I didn’t agree, if I wanted rid of him, Darwin would not be far enough.

Returner –

Arse Up (who has lost 10kg on the HIV diet) – been to the Nash Hash in the Philippines where he met up with BB, Armpit, Testicles, Pit Stop and others.

Pressy for the GM, a flammable toothbrush kit.

The RA entered the circle by enquiring who had collected the wood as most appeared to be sat on their arses drinking the Hash out of piss. DD’s to VD, Shat and Sir AH all of whom did actually collect wood whilst drinking their own piss, never let the truth get in the way of a good charge. A poor joke ensued which was overlooked after Ferret entertained us with an amusing ethnic offering.

Sir Slab presented the GM with  $3 note which sounds to be worth exponentially more to those living in Cuba.

DD offered to Cum Smoke for almost yodeling on the trail, Sir Rabbit suggested

Using the trumpet, should mouth to mouth be required. DD to Hard On for standing in for kitchen Bitch and Caustic for bagging the Hash Trash.

DD to Now Loved for destruction of Hash property (a chair) to cries of you fat B#st#rd. Cum Smoke established a Now Loved spiraling crime pattern, first car door handles now outdoor furniture, where will it end.

POW Josephine confirmed he is a simple-minded man who was unable to come up with anything so he gave the Prick to Rectum, (with only 28 sleeps until the AGPU). Indicative of this year’s hierarchy, Rectum accepted the award without claiming a committee exemption nor substituting a proxy.

LAST REMINDER – the bike ride is tomorrow (Thurs) at Pizzy Park, Miami, near to the tennis courts. There are two choices, a 10km one for the mentally and physically handicapped, shirt lifters and pedophiles, alternatively if you still own a set and regularly produce testosterone there is 19.3km for the men.

DON’T FORGET – NASH HASH NEXT WEEK SO OUR RUN IS ON TUESDAY.

There will be a Monday run at the Border Hash but it is very close to Cockroaches territory. Also a prelube on Wednesday

If you are unsure, ask somebody who cares, clearly not our hash then, or look at the web.

End of circle almost by Jospehine who unwisely attempted to tread on the toes of Moonbeams.

Thanks to Caustic and Iceman, well worth the journey down and nice to see our excellent trailer being put to good use.

On On

Rectum

Hang On a Sec

Don’t believe a word of it.

Run 1850
Date 15th April
Hare Ferret
Venue: Playing Fields, Ron Penhaligon Way, Robina
Weeks to the return of plain speech – 1
Once again the hordes had amassed at the venue (no one on holiday?) (or as Two Dogs suggested – the wives wanted them out of the house) in what were beautiful running conditions. (Although a storm was forecast. Again!) A few familiar faces from yesteryear were evident on what could only be described as a last ditch attempt to get the number of runs up to avoid them the solennial AGPU surcharge.
Standing squarely in front of his laurels, our hare Ferret, proudly proclaimed this as “My best run ever”. Who would have taken Ferret as an aretaloger? Unfortunately the collective experience felt the bar would not have to be lifted a great deal and feared the strong possibility of ending the evening famelicose.
Nonetheless, our amandation was instigated by Ferret and we embarked on what turned out to be a very pleasant circumbilivagination in and around the surrounding boscaresque neighbourhood s. Although it was lacking in bush or shaggy, the route was well marked with plenty of checks and never seemed to venture far from the starting point. The celeripedean amongst us leaped frog each other regularly with noticeable performances exhibited by Flasher, Blackie, Swollen Colon, Jigsaw and Elvis.
The vacimbulators were entertained by the extensive local knowledge of Sir Slab who managed, adlib, to intertwine the walkers with the runners at regular intervals.
Back at the venue old mates caught up with each other in a sodalitious manner whilst Ferret prepared to serve the foodstuffs. By prepared I mean, left it to Kitchen Bitch to complete buccellation. Dipping chips and dips were snacked on until the beef stew was served alongside sliced baguettes. Dessert was a lavishly prepared canned fruit with ice cream.
Much to Truck Tyres chagrin, the advertised prawns did not make an appearance.
The GM opened the circle explaining to all his anticipation of another Ferret F*ck-up but was pleasantly surprised with a good run, causing the interfation of “finally got it right after 40 years” from our professional heckler – Sir Prince.
Blackie was selected as the run agonarch and commented –“came expecting sh*t food and a sh*t run, well the food didn’t surprise”. Well marked run never far from home 7/10. Praise indeed.
Croc extolled the finer points of the guided tour down the “back alleyways” by Sir Slab, lovely 8/10.
Sir AH was asked about te nights feast, he replied”its been served has it? Couldn’t make out what it was, Chicken? (allegedly double A grade beef). Lacked a halatinous quality, decent effort 5.7 ½ as it all came from a tin. (An Aldi tin I feel).
Returners:-
Swollen Colon – Perth, Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore and Mackay, shame about the final leg of the tour. Pressy for the GM 20,000 Dong. This led to comments such as “better than 37 cents from Shat” and “I bet it’s the biggest dong you’ve ever seen” (Elvis)
Elvis – famigerated regarding his Rio de Janero reckie, for a world cup trip at a 35 bedroom house, some believed these to be called brothels.
Flasher belatedly presented his returners gift with a with a fallaciloquence pertaining to an exploded cigar of both questionable lineage and value.
DD – to Josephine for suggesting Swollen as a source of Adobe Fireworks to Botcho. The drink was consumed to a twenty five gun salute of the real thing.
Shat praised Josephine for being the only GC hasher born on the GC, well that’s if you consider Toowoomba within the city limits.
The RA began his archiloguy with congratulations to our good friend Adam Scott for his win in Augusta, then asked Iceman to recount a particularly boring and pointless tale which in turn lead to a DD for Iceman due to his inappropriate mime skills on the journey down.
Swollen expressed his amarulence at Sir Rabbit for his disregards of found property, Jigsaw was charged with “putting every c*nt off their food”, courtesy of his yellow singlet and KB for mixing his ladies.
Iceman was asked to read a joke and struggled on some of the longer words but the general consensus was he could do that every week rather than bring his own.
Missing Link really will do anything for money, this week he is stripping for Sir Prince.
POW Now Loved in a “Bucanero” Cuban beer T-shirt suffered a little stage fright, selected all those on the Cuba trip who drank girls beers, then Hard On for catching a bus, KB for no eggs and finally Josephine for being rude to the walkers. Yes it was a very slow news week.
Josephine accepted the trophy with a rant directed at the walkers and adopted a sevidical tone towards Sir Slab, who looks to be preparing himself for the yard glass next week.
Sir Prince thanked Now Loved for his use of explicit medical terms in front of Hash ladies.
Don’t forget
Bike Ride 25th April
Nash Hash see the web
Nominations for the Hierarchy
Next week’s run – Iceman or was it Caustic at somewhere possibly Reedy Creek. It all seemed so vague.
End of circle by Josephine who enquired “I don’t have to have another drink do I?”
Thanks to Ferret for making the effort and especially for not having it in Miami.
On On
Rectum
Hang on a Sec and artigrapher
Don’t believe a word of it.

P.S. Rug asked for a few new words. Enjoy

Run 1849
Date : 8th April 2013
Hare : Sir Rabbit, Sir Slab, Sir Prince and Sir AH
Venue : Sir Rabbit’s Bar and Grill, Chirn Park
Runners 29, that is not a typo

Weeks to the first State of Origin game – 8

Initially intended as a Rock Hard organized event, as no one could locate his whereabouts, the Sirs took over with little notice. Well, when I say the Sirs took over, I mean Sir Rabbit picked up the mantle and attempted to spread the workload, Sir Prince Valiant invented a last minute excuse to get on a plane, Sir AH had only a trifling involvement which meant that Sir Slab discovered that it is impossible to delegate when you are a team of one.

Unaware of this hashing game of Old Maid, a veritable multitude of eager hashers swarmed the venue on what, in the main, were great conditions to run in. Several returned to the fold after absences, noticeably Shat who appears to come back home weeks after everyone else has finished the group trips. Alzheimer’s a bitch.

Sir Slab sent us on our way on a trail which was remarkably similar to the run of Josephine’s a few weeks ago and who’s route I shall not bore you with. Mainly because I cant remember it and secondly as I got lost by Smith Street and ended up mistakenly following Veteran home on what appeared to be the walkers out trail? Despite my failings, several others (with torches) found the trail and were pleased with the overall duration and layout of the event.

As we awaited the nosh I was informed that Sir Prince had reneged on his agreement to purchase cheap sh#t mince from the pet food supplier (sorry that should read ‘Super butcher’) causing Sir Rabbit to over spend (heads will roll). Nor did he manage to prepare the vegetables. That’s what happens when you have already cooked about fifteen times so far this year.

The clock ticked over eight pm and all was not well, stomachs were audibly grumbling and the only aperitif seemed to be the hordes of flying insects committing ritual suicide onto the search light. That’s right, the starters were a nonstarter.

The main course was a self served Chilli con Carne containing ‘Bongo’ chillies (was that another reference to the drum theme which kept showing its head?) it couldn’t be a reference to some earth shattering heat factor as everyone demolished their portions and seconds were not available. That might have been the case if the meal had been padded out with carbs – rice, potatoes or bread but the recipe came from the Atkins Diet, so meat only, not even any greens (from the man who whinges whenever greens are not served).

My only complaint was the failure to serve the meal with a ‘possibility of follow through’ warning, as during the course of Tuesday morning I was tooting like a train, possibly a little too enthusiastically, when I had a near Shart experience. (that’s a half sh*t, half fart for those with sheltered upbringings).

Too monstrous sized bowls contained Sir AH’s self-made trifles, which had innovatingly used lamingtons for the sponge layer. The sun appears to be shining on our recent trifle offerings, quite a change from that dark day at Helensvale.

Circle called by the GM and Rock Hard lambasted for being soft and conveniently overseas whenever its his turn to host.

DD’s to Sir Rabbit, Sir Slab, Sir Prince and Sir AH for their team effort in tonight’s festivities, also to Show Pony but not sure why.

Miscarriage who was recently anointed as the king of superlatives, commented on the run – Very good, excellent, magnificent, great. I think he may have liked it 9/10
Pile Driver (good to see you back) proclaimed the walk as ‘good’ citing the fact he did not get lost. (easily pleased)
Flasher and Botcho tag-teamed the food with – very nice but no bread or salad and nice trifle, did enjoy it

DD and Hashy birthday to the coffin dodgers; Missing Link, Show Pony and Sir Prince who have all reached 70 years, congratulations. It’s all down hill from here.

Returners –

Hard On – far north Queensland
Now Loved – sick for a week, over achieving skier
VD – Tassy, Phuket
Shat – Head cold (though Phantom suggested it was a bad case of syphilis)
Missing Link – Philippines doing a recky for a new wife

Link brought the GM a traditional souvenir from the Philippines, a young boy whilst Shat offered some high roller gambling chits from Las Vegas. Don’t spend it all at once. Overcome by the generosity, the GM discarded rule one before launching into a French kiss with Shat. How much sherry was in that trifle?

Our RA entered the circle with the obligatory props and encouraged a drum roll from the energizer bunny. DD to Sir Prince for the mowing saga of three weeks ago (what ever happened to double jeopardy) and to Show Pony for a newspaper article. DD to miscarriage for something about Sir Prince (isn’t it always) and Two Dogs enlightened us on the anticipated aboriginal land grab by Sir Slab.
Not being one to drink alone, Sir Slab brought out Now Loved for attending a bike ride a month early. Phantom, who was unsure of his own name, was asked for a note.

Charges –
Miscarriage pulled out the filthy rich, those who have earned way too much and are being rightly taxed for it – BB, Slab, Princy and Blackie. DD’s to calls of “shoot the b&st&rds)

DD to Flasher for dropping his muslim patronage and becoming a Communist Sympathiser. You didn’t deserve that.

DD to Rectum, very unfairly, for following the Mudgeraba run web page directions to the letter but not finding the venue (which was somewhere else) and to those responsible – AH/Botcho/Blackie

POW Cum Smoke had several in his sights –

Hard On for never saying anything, Flasher and something about Caustic (not present tonight apparently gone fishing for the brown trout with his boyfriend) also Josephine for bagging the newly installed air horns on Cum Smoke’s Benz (they sound great but attract small children expecting to buy ice cream).
Finally the recipient was Now Loved, after he showed gratitude for a lift home by pulling off Cum Smoke. That should read Cum Smoke’s door handle.

From Shat there is a Goose Chase on the 20th of this month for anyone desperate for a harrierette.

From the news – a 74-year-old hasher is likely to get 20 years for under age sex, so enjoy the next 48 months Link. I can tell you the crumbed steak every Saturday night is horrible.

Nominations required for the upcoming Hierarchy change over.

Don’t forget the Bike ride re-scheduled for Anzac Day, which may be cancelled, without warning, in a Nano second.

The Nash Hash is coming so look out for a variety of events.

Next Weeks Run – Ferret so probably Miami then.

Rediscovering his funny bone, Iceman, a devout atheist, entertained all with a blonde/St Peter joke.

End of Circle duet with the dulcet tones of both Moonbeams and Josephine.

Thanks in varying degrees to the Sir’s for coming up with a winner at short notice, to the bats for f@cking off for once, to Croc for his excellent temporary coverage and to the ever-increasing percentage of hashers making the effort to run.

On On

Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Don’t believe a word of it.