Run 1825
Date : 22nd October 2012
Hare : Elvis and Cum Smoke
Venue : Keith Hunt Park, Musgrave Avenue, West Labrador
Runners 23

Weeks to the family bike ride – 3

Even without our Hanoi contingent, numbers had swelled from last week, despite the unpredictability of either the hares or the food; it must be the overall popular appeal of Labrador. Fingers crossed we are back soon.

Weather conditions were bizarre; despite roasting hot temperatures through the day, as we were about to embark, a cooler southerly introduced itself, distant lightning was observed and a coastal storm seemed imminent.

Nonetheless a good dozen of us hearty souls set off towards the trees, which skirted the venue. The trail ran round paths and easements rarely touch tarmac. The checks were numerous and slowed down proceedings nicely. There was good use of alleyways, private grounds and even a swimming pool. The wind picked up strength and made certain sections exhilarating.

Ultimately we looped round in an anticlockwise direction before heading home.
On the down side the trail was hard to spot in places (use of writing chalk not gyproc), no false trail markings and the final leg was a lottery unless you knew your way home. On the upside, the duration was good; the use of novel alleyways and easements kept us off the roads and the pack was kept intact throughout. Every runner had a turn at the front. Good effort.

Circle was commenced prior to food and the hares brought out. Elvis explained that the run had been set yesterday and so was slightly faded due to light rain overnight; he also described his co-hare’s efforts as “he helped my wife walk the dog”. Stick to what you are good at, I say. (though I wouldn’t trust my dog with him)

Botcho gave comment “ quite good, distance between arrows a little long in places, lost the trail on the way home”

Prior to eating the food we were reminded that at this event last year, the same choice of food was given and Blackie ended up with a near death experience and minus three kilos.

Returners – Bouncer (who thought we would welcome him back to the fold), Moonbeams questioned, “where have you been for the last 14 years”
Ferret – In Canberra organizing political parties

Flasher was brought out and congratulated for his suggestion of abolishing the current birthday beers strategy. As of 1st Jan 2013 these will be discouraged and the birthday boy will be supplied with a drink by the committee.

Ra took to the stage and invited Blackie to inform us of his recent bike ride, to which Caustic Crusader had invited him. True to form, after starting out together, Caustic pissed off at a great rate of knots, leaving Blackie on his own. Word to the wise, suggest a ride with plenty of hills, and then you can catch him up as he is walking up them.

POW – Flasher invited everyone into the circle for some unfathomable reason, then, rather unimaginatively, tried pointing the finger at Rectum for soundly beating him at the V8 Handicap, Caustic for (couldn’t hear) before handing the award to Two Dogs on a weak as piss trumped up charge of ‘Fudging the books’. We expect better than this, or do we?

DD to Cum Smoke (200 runs) but 300 meals, go figure and Rectum (Hashy Birthday) Interesting to see that despite vehement protestations by email, some hashers were able to put their ethics to one side and still take a free drink. That’s commitment for you.

From Reuters – photographic evidence of severe bark removal by Swindler after a Hanoi hill.

From Moonbeams, Sir Prince Valiant is struggling under the pressure of many kilometers on the saddle followed by road runs. Moonbeams suggested he would rather be here with Cum Smoke.

Next weeks run – Swollen Colon or Aussie from Charris Seafoods, woo hoo
Labrador again. Who will Aussie try to kill on the Gold coast highway this year?

End of circle, as it should be, by Moonbeams.

Thanks this week to Elvis and Cum Smoke for exceeding expectations. Good effort.

On On

Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Don’t believe a word of it.

Head Job’s Vietnamese Report

Poor old Swindler had a crash at 53 kph and hospitalized. Lucky he was wearing a helmet. But like a true hash man took it for the team and stayed on his own as we reconvened at a pub to discuss if we should go back.

General consensus was ‘fuck him’. So we ordered another beer.

On on
Head Job

Recently retired Hasher Sir Point Two and now lord of the manor at his county estate near Warrick is celebrating this week end. Why you may ask?

Because his favourite brewer has returned Victoria Bitter to 4.9% to give him a full flavour and full strength beer for his hard earned thirst.

Victoria Bitter is back and Sir Point Two is a happy man.

Run 1824
Date : 15th October 2012
Hare : Two Dogs (committee run)
Venue : Southport SLSC, V8 Handicap run
Runners 17

Weeks to Christmas run – 9

Numbers were anticipated at being lower this week due to our Hanoi contingent being absent (no tales of interest yet, I am awaiting a text) but despite this an eager group of runners and walkers assembled to watch the Hare chalking up grid positions on the footpath.

The running conditions were perfect, with a cool sea breeze gently stirring the foliage bordering the park. Anticipation was high and nerves edgy as hashers assessed their chances of bringing home the trophy (well an old t-shirt) muscles rippled and arms flailed as the pre-run warm up exercises took a serious turn (okay enough of the arty sh#t).

The course directions were issued, twice, yet still there were questioning looks. How long have we lived on the Gold Coast and done this run?

The walkers left, followed in waves by the rest of us, was it me or was there an element of speed being exhibited by most? It’s unbelievable that a few prizes that wouldn’t make it into a garage sale in Chirn Park (not yours Rabbit) could cause such competitiveness.

Starting from the back, with a marginally altered handicap, I followed the course down the seafront, turning right by the caravan park and leading left into Tedder Avenue. Running as a group were Veteran, Swollen, Flasher and the GM. We turned onto the V8 track then left into Macintosh park where I finally passed Swollen who was putting out a good pace.

The course turned left behind Red Rooter, unlike the hasher (could have been Pile Driver) who was continuing into Surfers. Left again back onto Main Beach Parade for the journey home.

Sir Rabbit was visible up ahead (well his bright green shorts were) as I caught him he pointed out the ‘ringer’ – circumference who was making like the Warner Bros road- runner on the home stretch.

Everyone was cheered home, a great effort put in by all.

After recovery, the food was half served, half self-served. Primo quality steaks, I will not call them minute steaks as a) they tasted of beef and b) they were more than four microns thick, served in bread with lettuce, beetroot, onions and tomato. Hash food at its best, simple, tasty and in abundance. It pissed all over the meal last week.

The GM took the high ground and called circle to order. The hare, masquerading as Yasser Arafat, was brought out for comment.

Pile Driver – “only three went past me yet I finished last, Flasher must have gone between my legs”

Close scrutiny of the course CCTV showed Show Pony and Latrine had taken an unauthorized course deviation. Ferret took out first walker and was proudly presented with a bag that holds nothing (still too good for him was the call).

Circumference took home a wine cooler for his efforts and I landed the obligatory unwashed shirt and a container for something called golf shoes (no idea what they are).

Returners – Swollen Colon – not doing much
Rock Hard – hopping between us and Perth
Visitor – Rocks off – recently in Sumatra (I’m assuming that’s the country
And not a person)

DDs

Show Pony – 500 runs
Pile Driver – Hashy birthday (beers provided)
KB/Aussie – Chef du jour
Aussie – Banking story
Flasher – whinging again, appropriate vessel used
Blackie – Winning another triathlon despite having to drop an age group

Iceman encouraged by the RA to regale us with another joke. Interest levels were maintained, as Bridget Bardot was included. Best effort yet, the punch line was delivered the same day and laughter made an appearance. You can only go down from here.

POW
Mdme Latrine pulled out Aussie/Croc/Rug and mentioned Missing Link and Caustic but handed it instead to Flasher, for ‘White Anting” also known as cutting your mates grass. Who would have thought of Flasher as some seedy little pervert? Flasher was presented with a Japanese DVD about elevating a donkey.

Next weeks run – Club run – Musgrave soccer club with hares – Cumsmoke and Elvis, god help us

End of circle by Ferret.

Big thanks this week to Two Dogs – Hare, Sir Rabbit – food organizer, Aussie and Kitchen Bitch for marshaling and cooking and Botcho for the photography especially as three were sick. Great effort guys.

On On

Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Some elements are true, such as my name and the date.

Early reminder from our Hierarchy
Keep Sunday 11 November free
You and your spouse, girlfriend, mistress or whoever are invited to Blackie’s Blistering Bike Blast which is likely to be held in the Pizzey Park area of Mermaid Waters. More details later.
I am hoping that there will be courses and leaders determined to suit the professional camp and the occasional riders & novices.
It is planned to have a ride around 11am followed by a few drinks and lunch.
On On
Bent Banana

Run 1823

Date    :           8th October 2012

Hare    :           Bent Banana (committee run)

Venue :           The Gem Hotel, Jacobs Well, middle of nowhere

Runners         70

Weeks to me not being in Hanoi – 1

Who knew what to expect, the first joint run in years, somewhere in the middle of no mans land, weather a bit ordinary, would we even make it in to double figures?

The large crowd, gathered at the venue, which was growing by the minute, suggested good things to come. Would the run and food live up to the hype?

The run, hared by our beloved GM took us in to the cane fields, well there’s really nothing else out here and the trail jinked backwards and forwards with several false trails. Despite being set predominantly in a field, the markings were good and the pack stayed together for most of the time.

The length had been broadcast as “in the forty five minute mark” yet the front-runners returned in a shade over thirty, a little professional rivalry on display then.

Without wasting any time the circle was convened and run (or overrun) by the Brisbane men’s hash and their GM – Scruffy, every time I heard his name mentioned by BB I thought he was his dog.

Even before the crowd had begun to settle, two hashers were sat on the ice, ha, this boded well for an entertaining circle.

The hare was brought out for an icing also (home trail crossed out trail) but as the hare is a GM a proxy was required. Veteran must have thought he said poxy, so he volunteered. (plus it was mentioned that he felt he is picked on at the Gold Coast for bitching about false trails and those who hide nearby).

A chorus of “drink more beer” to the tune of Advance Australia Fair was conducted by Sperm Whale.

Circumference was brought out and iced for gassing Flasher several weeks ago and Flasher had a DD. Radar was then iced for serving cup cakes the previous week. Was anyone safe from the ice? No.

Brissy RA called for blasphemers dressed as an Armenian apostolic priest (good job he wasn’t dressed as Mohammed or there would have been riots in Sydney)

Latrine had the Virgin Mary introduced to the least religious part of this body.

Even Optus was iced for Telstra’s Queensland timing error at the weekend.

Testicles handed the POW to Latrine for a gangbang involving two lady boys, not surprisingly; Latrine did not spill a drop.

Iceman Iced for being a fornicator (an old English word meaning, poor teller of jokes)

Both Hashers unable to be forgiven so shot with one bullet by Baron von Layup

No official end of circle, where were you moonbeams.

Next weeks run the unfairly handicapped V8 debarcle by two dogs at Surfers Paradise. Some of us don’t start until Tuesday.

Thanks to all who attended from both hashes, BB for haring and arranging the food and Brissy for a great circle. The suggestion of making this an anal event should be considered strongly. (Though preferably somewhere that cooks good food)

On On

Rectum

On Sec

Some elements are true, such as my name and the date.