Plan C, the Piss Up at Sir Rabbit’s bar is cancelled.
In keeping with Emergency Services directives to stay indoors and off the roads i.e. not to go out unless absolutely necessary, all hashing activities for today are unfortunately cancelled.
Sorry about that but I am sure Mrs. Rabbit will be happy.
My diet for the remainder of the week will now include lamingtons and pavlovas!
No need to blame our RA as it turns out the power of prayer worked after all. It was just that there
were many many more praying for rain lately than our lone RA opposing rain.
Run 1838
Date : 21th January 2013
Hare : Shat and Veteran
Venue : Macintosh Island, Surfers Paradise
Runners 31
Weeks to Swindler taking over as On Sec- 22
Reminiscent of an English evening at the height of summer, it was cold and pissing down at the venue, despite this the attendance was high, possibly due to the zero chance of finishing the trail drowned in sweat because of the heat.
Veteran addressed the troops with a slightly different version of Sit Slabs piss weak excuse from last week, raining, blah, arrows might not be there blah, what ever happened to live hare? In his defence a runner had been deployed with the knowledge of the trail in the unlikely chance that someone should get lost. Remember those words.
Off we trot over Macintosh bridge towards Main Beach, the trail showed right then over Main Beach Parade, seeing fresh toilet paper I ran towards Surfers, but it died out after 500 metres. I looked for the pursuing pack of which there was none, made my way back to the bridge, still no pack nor arrows evident.
Left with no choice I became a live hare for myself and ran up the spit (where some more arrows were come across). The trail, I am informed, went up to Marina Mirage, past Peter’s chippy before returning back along the boardwalk, through the yacht club and down Teddar.
Once safely back at the venue I was approached by the concerned well-wisher who was wondering where I had got to as no one else was prepared to undertake the trash notes.
Shat had finally made an appearance and was busy watching Sir Prince and Kitchen bitch sort out the food. Henry Faroe, the architect of the ten principals of management, would have been delighted at your use of ‘Delegation’. Again.
Once self served, I tucked into a delicious beef salad, spaghetti with assorted meats and fresh rolls. Sir Rabbit approached and asked “what would you call this then?” The best I could do was SPLOB, – Shats party left over bits. Not only delicious but a wonderful indictment of what can be done with left overs to turn them into a second meal.
Dessert came later, chocolate cake, Ice cream and mangoes, with or without grit, your choice.
Circle convened by the GM and the hares brought out. Swollen Colon, who has been absent quite a bit this year, was invited to do both critiques. Waiting for VD who was taking a leak behind the wheelie bins (a theme continued throughout the circle, despite a nearby council toilet, there’s nothing like evacuating your bladder in public.) “Ran with Blackie, hard to keep up with, well marked (sure) more checks required 7.8/10
“Spaghetti Bolognese kabanosi chilli, I told Shat it deserves food of the year, but I was pissing in his pocket” 7.2/10
DD to the hares who were left with the wise words of Sir Prince “now f%ck off and give some young blokes ago”
Shat brought back to circle and given a Hashy birthday.
Visitors/Returners Jigsaw, with family
Swollen Colon, not getting into it, not getting out of it?
VB, not sure what he said but it had sex in it somewhere
Shredder, hanging out with old Ferret
Semen, 14 months in a Phillipino
R.A.’s 15 minutes started with a Tassy update from VD – “more tourists please” it would seem even Tasmanians realize the problems with inbreeding and require a larger genetic pool. VD also warned against fighting fire without the right equipment, exhibited by singed pubes.
Jigsaw DD from new shoes, usual excuses fell on deaf ears
Two Dogs DD thanks to his namesake in Sound Garden. (living on Ephraim, does he even have a garden?)
DD to Swollen due to Semen’s pyrotechnic induced incontinence.
Kitchen Bitch DD for dropping the mangoes.
Nasty DD for a charitable bike ride dressed as Elvis, exposed by the Gold Coast’s new super grass Sir Slab who went on to charge Sir Prince for failing to attend said bike ride and Missing Link for 9am stubby. Anyone thinking of doing a bank job? Don’t invite Sir Slab.
Hard On DD for attending in non-hash shirt. Again.
POW Croc and Rug bleated about the lack of booze situation, which had lead to their obtaining the prestigious award. They went on (at great length) and blamed half the hash for absence of grog. Those chosen were –
Bent Banana – not buying enough
Blackie – giving free booze (not likely)
Caustic – for buying too much
Aussie – three stubby holders
Two Dogs – drinking VB when black available
The winner (?) was identified as Nasty due to the common denominating factor that he was present on all the occasions when the booze ran dry.
Burka of the week held over, Flasher not taking the GM up on his invitation to put a joke on the web and currently considering renouncing his religion.
Congratulations to Blackie who won another aquathon. He was so fresh at the end he even had enough left in the tank to assist the guy in second place get his wheelchair out of the water after the swim leg.
Splinter lunch reminder – 930 Tee off, 1230 lunch at Botcho’s
Next Weeks run – Hierarchy at the newly renovated Sir Rabbits Bar and grill, Aussie day run with a difference.
Circle ended by Josephine, who’s getting very good at it despite forgetting the words this week.
Thanks to both Veteran and Shat. Thanks also to our designated kitchen assistants Kitchen Bitch and Sir Prince without whom certain runs would be neither gourmet nor ready until Tuesday.
Run 1837
Date : 14th January 2013
Hare : Sirs Slab and Prince
Venue : AFL club, Robina
Runners 30
Weeks to Cum Smoke coming out of the closet – soon, just got back from holidays with his ‘boyfriend’
Always a popular combination, like Butch and Sundance (though more Waldorf and Statler [the old giffs from the muppets, dumkopf]), the Sirs drew a healthy sized group on a balmy and rather overcast evening on the southern Gold Coast.
Elvis and Nasty are clearly in competition for ‘most consecutive appearances by a guest runner’ 2-all so far.
Once again the New Year drawing out some old favourites, Now Loved, Sir AH amongst others.
We commenced with a piss weak excuse regarding bad weather and lack of time, so it’s a short run etc etc from Sir Slab who set us off in the direction of Robina Parkway underpass. I noticed the running contingent was higher this week and fewer stayed to help with the shipping container of food, are the New Years resolutions helping to motivate some?
We ran under the bridge and onto the nearby estate where the markings were fine despite light rain, there was good use of checks – some throwing everyone with unexpected direction changes down grassy ginnels and alleyways. No check backs were evident nor false trails marked but the pack of about nine runners held together in the main, finally emerging out of the estate alongside Robina shopping centre.
At this point our Hare had cleverly orchestrated our merging with the large band of athletes in rehabilitation (the walkers) and so we headed on home, finishing around the forty-minute mark. Not the longest of runs but most agreed, with the heat and humidity, long enough. Special mention to the effort put in by Caustic and Head Job, that degree of speed and effort is normally preserved for last orders at Darcy arms.
The Robina runs are not Robina runs without the obligatory attendance of Dim Sims and, although fewer in number, they were present and awaiting a date with the spring rolls in a hot wok.
The entrees were devoured voraciously, causing the removal of several layers of skin from the fingers and throats of those who couldn’t wait for them to cool and as the mains were taking a little longer to prepare, the pack set about the beer.
Once again the eskies began to empty at an alarming rate, not helped by Head Job who walked off with four bottles of the finest. Fearing a lynching, the GM sent the Booze masters around to his mate Dan Murphy’s to avert the crisis.
Thankfully it wasn’t long before the eskies were overflowing with WARM beer so most opted for a change to wine.
During the lull Sir Slab kindly donated a number of Hash garments for those with few and these were picked over by Sir AH, 2 dogs and others clearly down to their last three wardrobes of Hash shit.
A mild case of dementia overtook Circumference who, assuming he was at a Greek wedding, began smashing dishes; he was taken to a dark corner to settle.
Stir-fried chicken (great job by Nasty) accompanied by capsicum, onion and mango laid atop a bed of (boiled or blanched?) rice and some greens, which I never got a whiff of, head-lined the gig. Very tasty (three helpings) indeed.
Heeding the disappointment exhibited on the last two Robina jaunts, Sir Prince succumbed to peer pressure and pumped out the infamous banana fritters with ice cream to top off the evenings epicurean delights. Nice job.
Circle brought to bear by the GM who ushered Sir Prince (still cleaning) and Sir Slab for the pack’s appraisal.
Head Job enjoyed the run (and the sound of his own voice it would appear as he wouldn’t shut up) “long enough with the humidity, good markings” 7.8/10
Now Loved began quantifying the walk with “it was alright” then changed to “ very good” after a stern look from Sir Slab.
Truck Tyres liked the Dim Sims (it’s a good job as Sir Prince is contractually tied to his supplier until 2017)) “really good banana fritters” 9.2 awarded by the GM to keep the scoring unbiased.
Returners – Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum or Rug and Aussie as they are better known, both sporting healthy sized beer babies came out for a DD. Rug informed us of his international travels and Aussie confirmed a very similar itinerary with three days in Brunswick Heads.
Visitor – Pear-shaped testicles guest from Gunnedah
The GM was presented with a gift by Rug, a burka intended for those who insult
the prophet, promptly issued to Caustic for a feeble Islamic joke. Wow, it really
suited him. DD for Caustic and a few ventured looking like that he should be
placed on an indian bus.
RA took the circle and asked how Flasher’s jury duty went, apparently they told
him not to bother turning up, so he didn’t (that gives me an idea). Ferret given a
DD for an American comedian who put Ferrets name in the Bulletin?? Show Pony
a DD for another Bulletin story (does Circumference have a sponsor we don’t
know about?) Hard On, undecipherable at the best of times, recalled a cycling
story which made no sense until 25 questions later, net result a band-aid on the
elbow. Joke by Hard On, come back Iceman all is forgiven.
POW Botcho rightfully handed it over to Rug and Croc jointly for the beer
debarcle.
Upcoming events – Golf Day at Botcho’s 25ths Jan, for f%cks sake let him know if you are going for food, golf or both.
Australia day 28th Jan – the christening of the Rabbit bar and grill
Next weeks run I missed, so look on the web page
DD for Pile Driver who Karma decided should take a fall for reconnoitering the
trail prior to the run.
End of Circle by Josephine.
Well done to the Sirs and helpers another enjoyable evening at Robina.
On On
Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Don’t believe a word of it.
January Splinter Lunch combined with the Splinter Hash Summer Cup Golf
Run 1836
Date : 7th January 2013
Hare : Show Pony
Venue : Queen Elizabeth 111, Hope Island Marina
Runners 30
Weeks to the anniversary of the theft of Australia – 2.5
The inaugural 2013 run of the Gold Coast Hash commenced from the car park of the Hope Island Marina. The evening was warm, very warm, well almost unbearable with very little in the way of breeze. The crowd was well sized with the guest appearance of some old favourites – Bouncer, Josephine, Testicles, Girls amongst others. Had someone let it slip that the run was a freebie? With a stifled tear, Blackie informed the rest of us.
Our host pointed us east, informing us that any check would have an East, West, South or North in its guts, so use the setting sun as a reference and work it out. Several (those with an internal compass) smiled at this until discovering the markings were in Chinese (?) and of use to Charlie Chan only.
We ran along the boardwalk until its zenith at which point a ‘U’ turn ensued, sending us West until we arrived the Grand Canal bridge. I am unable to explain what exactly was ‘grand’ about it; certainly, the derelict looking south bank appeared more ‘ordinary’.
Over the bridge we ran (both of us) certain in the belief it was either a false trail or a swim leg. The trail lead East along the south bank and skirted the water before sending us back West in another ‘U’ turn, de-ja-vu ensued.
We ran back to where Kwakka was sending Elvis, Botcho and Flasher (who had removed a healthy slice of the trail) on home. The pace picked up, as we smelled the finish ahead, which resulted in most pissing wet with sweat.
Aboard the luxury craft (it really is a piece of quality construction and not like the shit boxes they hire out to drunks on Australia Day) we moved gingerly, fearing a first floor collapse or capsize due to our overloading of the builders recommendations. The eskies steadily emptied as we awaited the starters, it appeared that more alcohol could be found at the local mosque.
Food arrived in the form of spring rolls and a crispy batter thing with a dipping sauce that gave acid flashbacks to the black salty meal of couple of years ago. Those present at that run held their breath until the mains were delivered, sighing with relief when it turned out to be beef cooked with Chinese leaf, stock and the world’s hottest chillies, which had been cleverly disguised as olives. The deep sighs manifested as large intakes of breath as the ruse was unearthed.
The dessert course (which arrived after circle had concluded) was delicious – Water melon beautifully sculpted into fruit bowls containing water and rock melon with grapes.
Circle began with the GM calling for the hare, Show Pony to reflect in the praises/criticisms of the pack and answer whether it was a hash run or a marketing ploy?
Two Dogs described the run to all claiming “not a bad effort” and definitely the best run of the year so far. 7/10
Caustic proclaimed the food this year was at least edible, salt reduced compared to previous offerings (I’m afraid you are never going to live that one down) and a score of 7.7/10 was supplied by Rectum who has upgraded it to 7.9 after sampling the fruit platter.
Visitors Steve (a mate of Elvis – (footballer not burger eater) enthused that
the run was fabulous, new faces and friends, Bouncer, Girls
Returners Nasty, Josephine, Pile Driver, Veteran and Rectum
Flasher was invited out to make an apology for his recent demeanour, unable to read it (no spectacles?) he was placed on the ice where to his credit; he actually consumed a DD without throwing it away.
RA and current holder of POW, awarded the POW to Botcho for falsifying hash trash re the xmas eve run.
DD to both Josephine and Veteran who were both competing for the world’s brightest new trainers.
By now the down downs had changed from beer to wine to god only knows what, as the eskies were somewhat depleted.
Iceman ventured out for a joke, riding high on his current impressive form, but pride comes before a fall, leaving the stage fright funnier than the eventual punch line.
Other news – Shats better half had to exit stage left from the mammoth bike ride, fortunately Head Job took over as first reserve. Pizza awarded ‘Most embarrassing moment on New Years Eve’ after attempting to fool the local constabulary that his Grappa was in fact cough mixture. From Nasty – VD’s beach shack is still standing despite many others succumbing to the Tassie fires, our thoughts and best wishes are with you VD.
Next Weeks Run – Sir Slab and Sir Prince at what is becoming the new Len Fox Park – Robina AFL Club, next to the Dog and Parrot. Did someone say bring on the dim Sims?
End of Circle by Josephine
A very big thank you to Show pony and helpers, great eating point and heaps of freshly prepared home cooked food.
On On
Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Don’t believe a word of it.
Very late this week I’m afraid, finishing off a large contract in Brissy.
January Splinter Lunch. Splinter Hash Summer Cup Golf day
