Run : 1847
Date : 25th March 2013
Hare : Sir AH
Venue : Old Coach Road, Sid Bigg Park, Tallai Road, Mudgeereba Road, Milky Way, Franklin Drive, Somerset Drive, Rainbow Drive, Cnr No-where and Somewhere Streets, Any Car Park, Anywhere, Mudgeereba
Runners: 20 odd
Weeks till Rectum’s pencil is sharpened – 1

The disaster started well before Monday Night. Too many people, so little knowledge!!!

Sir AH advised Blackstump after run 1846 the previous week, that his run started at Sid Bigg Park, which was duly placed on the Hash Hotline.

Botcho was advised the start was map reference G 46, Old Coach Road, which he duly published on the web. As an update, Sir AH provided a map of the run to Botcho after the 100th Anniversary Splinter lunch, which Botcho put to good use as a Bus Ticket home to Helensvale.

Phone calls and emails were exchanged between the Booze Masters and Hare, nominating the start and On On location, as a Car Park in Mudgeereba.

So the pack duly assembled at Mudgeereba for the anticipated Annual Sir AH 2013 Celebrity Hill Climb and Mud Rally.

Pack 1 comprising Blackstump waited at Sid Bigg Park
Pack 2 comprising the Booze Masters and Aussie, the Northern Alliance and Miscarriage assembled in a car park in Old Coach Road, hedging their bets as to that being the correct location
Pack 3 comprised of the Broadbeach Rabble, waited patiently at the corner of Old Coach Road and Franklin Drive
Pack 4 consisting of the Southern Kitchen Brigade waited patiently at the BBQ’s west of Tallai Road
Pack 5, Flasher, as usual was totally off trail and completely lost
Pack 6 being Botcho was found fervently searching his car for the missing Bus Ticket cum Map
Pack 7, by some divine interference, or was it simply the nubile young virgins doing their warm-up exercises (??) on the grass, assembled in the car parking on Mudgeereba Road next to the Soccer fields

Finally, after Telstra reaped another huge burst to their income stream and their Mudgeereba repeater burst into flames, caused by the numerous furious mobile calls to find out where the run actually started from, the disparate pack finally assembled in the correct location to hear the words of the Great Sir AH.

Acting GM Blackstump, immediately halted proceedings and announced a change to tradition, calling Miscarriage forward to lay a charge on the Hare for the cock-up that had just occurred.

Let the run begin was called and runners and walkers headed off in a familiar direction towards the cemetery, with veiled warnings emanating from the Hare to be aware and not tread on Josephine’s father grave as they did at his last run.

Despite the shaky start, the run returned to true Hash values as the trail wound its way through Mudgeereba and surrounds. The Hare made clever use of interconnecting lanes and greenways to wend our way from the cemetery towards Campbell Duncan Park.

Shiggy, the threat of a severe lighting storm and a smattering of rain made the trip that much better. The trail emerged from lowlands and followed the pipeline upwards and over Old Coach Road then down again into the valley paralleling Wallandra Road, then turning north towards Tallai Road and home.

First runners home in 1 hour and 10, last walkers home, being Kitchen Bitch and Crocodile, who did the full trail in 1 hour and 49.

A good bucket with some leftover Irish cheer was well attended, while the Hare prepared a very tasty Spaghetti Bolognaise with salad and olives. Thank god Cumsmoke stayed away !!

Kitchen Bitch, in his usual unselfish, humanitarian, caring for fellow hashman, ever giving, kindness offered to help Sir AH prepare and serve the repast, but was bluntly told to F.%4323K Off. After much returning for seconds, perhaps AH knew KB’s portion control was not required. Dessert of a choice of Cheese Cakes was duly served and devoured by the hungry masses.

Acting GM Blackstump called Circle, and in keeping with his break in tradition at the start of the run, immediately called forward POW, Sir Prince. SPV had a wide variety of suspects to choose from – Sir Rabbit for not paying his dues for St Pat’s dinner at The Clock, Vasso for completely destroying the Tatts Lotto coin count by putting in $ 5.50 instead of $5, Rectum for being Rectum, Sir Slab for forcing Missing Link to mow his lawns while nursing a broken collarbone, ruptured spleen, dislocated elbow and a dose of Amnesia, after firmly attaching his bike to a car door.

Finally Miscarriage was called forward and presented the POW, with a litany of charges including, but not limited to:-

1. A “loose lips sink ships” comments about SPV’s ageing virility
2. Being the cause of at least 3 of the 5 Down Downs SPV received on the St Pats run
3. Leering at SPV’s French Maid with intent to commit
4. Generally being at the centre of anything and everything that causes SPV chagrin

The Hare was called and Sir Slab asked to give a rating on the run. “Back to a properly set Hash run”, “good trail, good markings”, even if they were not of International Standards, “good shiggy, good hills, good length, good territory, good weather”, good God he went on, “good start, good finish” and finally the scoring, a massive 9.9. “Oops!!” said SS, “I can’t give him that, I only got 8.9 for my last run so it’s an 8.5”. Kitchen Bitch was asked to comment on the Nosh and still suffering from Rejectionitis gave it a quick F…#$%. OFF with 6.3.

Absentee Down Downs for GoatFarka who is now a loyal Trinity Hash member and holder of their “Run of the Year” award and one of our senior ex GCHHH members Jim Collins, who is now attending the Wacol Institute in Brisbane after a small bout of 22 Molestation of Woman charges.

DD’s for Aussie for being last to pay. Handing his $20 to the acting GM and waiting for change was also a bad move Aussie.

Acting RA Rug, was asked to take over the Circle but obviously the acting GM was suffering Dementia and couldn’t remember he had handed over the reins. So followed a hilarious session of a Dumb and Dumber episode, with the RA starting to say something and Blackstump immediately taking over and changing the subject. Very difficult to follow but I’ll try my best.

Down Downs for

RA Visitor Reg friend of
GM Miscarraige for falling down a Fox Hole and being covered in
RA Shit Rock Hard, your earning too much and keep spending it on
GM Serial offenders like
RA Caustic Crusader and it looks like he has just spent time with
GM Three monkeys in Cuba where he took a liking to a
RA Swindler, but I feel sorry for Miscarraige, because he
GM Shat
RA one for Rock Hard while he was sitting on a
GM Blackstump with his
RA Testicles dripping with
GM Cumsmoke’s hare next week

Thankfully Moonbeams our CCCCCCC (Constant Commissioner for the Co-ordination of Circle Conventions and Closings) was present and called EOC.

Thanks to AH for a really great run and nosh despite a verrry shaaakkky starrttt.

On On

Acting On Sex – Crocodile

PS All this is a true reflection of the evening’s events except for those words between “Run” and “EOC”

PSS Don’t forget to practice this week for the “Delayed because of the Weather Yet Again” Anzac Day bike ride to be held on Anzac Day (no joking) at Pizzy Park. Further details from Blackstump and the Webmaster.

Run 1846

Date : 18^th March 2013

Hare : Miscarriage

Venue : Surfers Paradise

Runners 24

Weeks to the AGPU – 11. Nominations required

The St Patrick’s Day Run. Not. It wasn’t St Patrick’s Day nor did we run. Was it worth coming out then? You bet your arse (as Cum Smoke does most nights out) it was, good beer, great food and a circle of vaudevillian standards, does it get any better?

Despite numerous penitent hours in the pose of supplication our resident RA (and stand-in G.M.) had failed in the cessation of the volume of precipitation and so, rather reluctantly suggested giving it a miss. Even Mark Webber could beat his recent scorecard. No maybe not. Consequently, after weeks upon weeks of washed out trails, irony struck leaving us with a warm day drier than a nun’s crotch in the Serengeti.

Arriving late, I went straight to the Lansdowne arms where the pack was already paying serious tribute to the Irish saint and from where, I was informed that the trail had left from Budds Beach, crossed the highway and drifted in a straight line to the pub. Sorry that should have read ‘drink stop’.

The pack looked to be in a state of bemusement, some appeared guilty at not having actually done anything physical whereas the remainder seemed relieved at doing nothing physical. Pretty much standard Monday fare then.

No Flasher tonight as he is suffering from man flu, spare him a sympathetic thought, as he is only half size it will be twice as bad.

Once the froth had been blown from a cold one or two, we moved en-mass to the clock hotel; it felt like a splinter lunch at nighttime.

The food – a choice of three mains dishes – were on special, which entailed a complicated system of ordering in twos and dividing the bill. Clearly way too much of a cerebral challenge as four hashers didn’t have to pay anything for their meal, due to the generosity of others.

The rump, chips and veg were fabulous, as Phantom put it “they always taste better when you haven’t paid” He was bang on the money. Sir Slab confirmed the Salmon was just as good.

Duly satiated we left and set off back to Budds Beach for the circle. Miscarriage must have been very tired as he was unable to cross the highway in a straight line and stopped in the middle of the road for several minutes to retrieve a $2 coin. Its not like it’s a busy road.

Opposite chateaux Shat, a nude man was observed in Shat’s kitchen, clearly it wasn’t Shat, he’s never normally standing at this time of night, possibly a ‘dial a threesome guy’.

Kilkenny made his second appearance of the evening thanks to the thoughtfulness of our booze master and the proceedings were captured on an iPhone as Blue Card has pawned the Hash camera. A light shower ensued (was this why we cancelled the athletics?) this prompted Blue Card to urge along the proceedings, as he was ‘wetter than a 23 year old girl with three guys’

The Hare was squeezed out into the circle like a troublesome pimple and so began the Miscarriage show. First in the firing line was Moonbeams, a perennial whinger, who had complained bitterly that a St Patrick’s Day run should not be held in Reedy Creek, causing the Hare to relocate. Where was Moonbeams tonight? As Miscarriage explained “the C#nt didn’t turn up”

Visitor/returner – Piss Poor, a long time missing from our fold but hoping to make the splinter lunch.

DD to Cum Smoke for being at the drink stop before anyone else

Sir Slab was invited to make comment on the recent Cuba trip but showed some reluctance and passed the opportunity to Testicles. Surprising really, if you used the adage ‘loose lips sink ships’ then at a recent circle, Slab sank an armada.

Once he had seen Testicles struggle to get some form of a coherent story out, Slab picked up the super-grass mantle once more informing of a progressively aging rum consumption tale which lead to one hasher giving an unforgettable speech which he doesn’t remember making. Slab refused to name and shame.

However, the evenings’ Ringmaster; Miscarriage relished in revealing the Hasher as his best mate Sir Prince Valiant. DD to Princey.

Rumours that an unknown hasher was seen leaving Sir Slabs room in stockings and a strapless number????

Another Hasher found to bargaining for sexual favours, that will be a DD to Princey again thanks to Miscarriage.

Caustic explained that Missing Link was knocked from his Bike last week by bloke opening a car door (that reminds me I still owe him a carton) a dislocated shoulder and several broken ribs still didn’t stop Link from hitting the pub later in the day.

It also didn’t stop a certain Hasher insisting that Link cut his grass today. Who would stoop to such a level of depravity? Well, Miscarriage pointed the finger at Sir Prince again. DD prince.

POW Veteran decided that the biggest sinner (isn’t that on channel 10) of the week would be the pr*ck, who would have guessed it, Princey out once more with the worst attempt at the yard glass so far this year.

Charges from the floor lead to Miscarriage highlighting two of the free fooders – Sir Rabbit and …………………Yep Sir Prince. DD to both.

Splinter lunch on Friday at the Royal Peacock, Tedder Ave, Main Beach close to where the inaugural lunch (100 meals ago) took place. Will Sir Rabbit be found pissed in a garden again. Who knows, apparently there is a copious quantity of red on the menu.

Next weeks run – Sir AH at Mudgeraba see the web for full details.

From Blackie – don’t forget the trophies for the AGPU and the bike ride has been rearranged for 22 April.

End of Circle by Josephine who is fast approaching his 25^th year with our hash.

Thanks to Circumference for the organization of a very enjoyable evening.

On On

Rectum

Hang On a Sec

Don’t believe a word of it.

Trinity Hash Hash AGPU run of the year goes to Goatfarker. He brought the Gold Coast Gourmet Hash style to the far north!!

Run 1845
Date : 12th March 2013
Hare : Moonbeams and Caustic
Venue : Cascade Gardens
Runners 23

Weeks to the Reedy Creek run – never, it doesn’t exist

Cascade Gardens. Again. Not so much like bumping into an old friend, more sitting next to the same lunatic on the bus home everyday.

Nonetheless a reasonable sized turnout despite the forever possibility of showers. The expected route was bound to contain elements such as the boardwalk at the rear of Cascade, the boardwalk behind the exhibition centre, not to mention the numerous dead end cul-de-sacs that run up to the water on the way to the casino.

Our hare issued instructions and set us on our way northbound. The trail lead in a large loop where everyone lost the plot before heading back to the boardwalk at the rear of Cascade Gardens (really). We ran parallel to the Highway before entering the boardwalk at the rear of the exhibition centre (who would have guessed) then over the bridge whereupon many false trails lead into (wait for it) the numerous cul-de-sacs on our way southbound to Hooker Boulevard. Left turn Clyde down to the Casino where most got lost and returned on home back up the highway. A steady six km.

Starters in the form of chips and an indiscernible dip were served; this was followed by a carefully served (not a lot to go around) beef curry and rice. A dessert of fruit pies with fruit in liquor and ice cream finished off the meal.

Circle was called by the stand-in GM – Crocodile, and the hares brought out

Miscarriage gave comment on the run – went there, over there, back here, casino and on home, lovely. 6.8/10
Blue Card was unable to comment on the walk as there was no trail
Missing Link stated of the food – quite good when you got some, sweets terrific 7.8/10

Visitors –

Paul, new runner, soap dodger from east London has been travelling round the world and was brought by Kevin – Who the f%ck is Kevin?
Sometimes I do and Sister Maureen, hashers from Garden city, Christchurch, NZ have been on the Gold Coast a year. Sometimes I do originally from Vladivostok, which lead to questions re the Russian Mafia and real estate on Sovereign Island.

Rug enthralled all with a rendition of ‘what happened this date in yesteryear’ which rather convolutedly lead to a DD for Botcho due to Alexander Fleming.

Rectum took to the floor as stand-in RA, even though the RA was here, and before he could even begin Iceman over spoke his little piece. DD to Iceman as much as for that as the joke last week. DD to Elvis for turning up, staying to eat and wearing new shoes. DD to Hard On for once more not wearing a hash shirt. DD to Croc for reversing into a post in the car park, DD to Blue Card for keeping Botcho waiting with last weeks photo’s. DD to Caustic for plagiarism of a hash song, even though it sounds as though Flasher may have been the actual culprit.
Yes the power went to my head, but be grateful, if the lady from NZ had not been present there would have been more ice than the last time Ben Cousins went to see Torville and Dean.

From Blackie, please return any awards from the AGPU last year so that they may be engraved for this year.

Joke from Kitchen Bitch about the new Viagra sleeping pill. Very funny.

Elvis (yes he was still there at the end) informed us of the recent UK court decision, apparently calling an Australian, fat and stupid is not racist. See Cum Smoke.

No POW as Veteran cant make it this far south.

DD to Elvis for running over the RA’s blue suede shoes, serial offender

Next Weeks Run – Best to check the web page, as we were to give the much-lauded Reedy Creek jaunt a go, but the latest is a St Patrick’s Day piss up starting at Budds Beach.

End of Circle by Moonbeams

Thanks to Moonbeams for the de-ja-vu run, food and to Caustic for lending a hand. Again.

PS from Ferret, Testicles and Flasher seen at Cancun MX airport being detained by customs for ‘inappropriate DVD’s’.

On On

Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Don’t believe a word of it.

Run 1844
Date : 5th March 2013
Hare : Two Dogs
Venue : Paradise Point
Runners 20

Weeks to going home in dry trainers – 6 according to the weather bureau

On arrival at the venue numbers looked to be well down, surely the still wet weather hadn’t dented everyone’s enthusiasm? As the clock progressed steadily towards 6.15pm the head count swelled at about the same pace as the wind strength. Once the hare had finished constructing a rather elaborate wind defence mechanism we were instructed on the weekly changing system of route markings and pointed in the direction of Sovereign Island.

Fortunately the rain faltered, rather like a piss after sex, so our first dry start in weeks. I don’t know who had opened a large can of moral fortitude but of the 17 of us gathered at the start, two walked, two remained and THE REST RAN.

Miscarriage and the newly mobile Botcho set off at a cracking pace and followed the trail to Paradise Point’s fine dining establishments where shortly afterwards it led to the preceding trail here (in reverse). The rainfall had taken quite a toll on the markings, so bursting with an overabundance of local knowledge; Miscarriage took Botcho and Myself on 2km shortcut into the now driving rain.

The trail itself turned towards Oxley drive, where I left behind Miscarriage (who had pulled a muscle)(karma?) and then caught up to Missing Link, Iceman, Ken and Two Dogs (who was rather conscientiously remarking the trail). We ran parallel with Columbus drive until Bayview street where most starburst and took their own route home. Genius that I am, I went down a dead end and managed to put another 1.5km on the nights tally.

All in all, well marked with enough checks and anywhere from 6 – 9.7 km. Most importantly a very good effort by the huge band of runners and who has seen Caustic that red faced before? (disregarding the ‘incident’ with the vacuum cleaner)

Cheese and crackers were supplied for nibbles as the bbq’s were expertly attended to by Moonbeams and Two Dogs, I noticed the Hashers were huddled in groups of four, Rug explained “We’ve all had threesomes and so decided on a new challenge”.

Moonbeams eventually dished out the preliminary Exxon Valdez snags on the obligatory buttered bread, as I swallowed the final bite I immediately telephoned the Environmental Protection Agency due to the anticipated hazard that the grease released from my snag was likely to cause. They will be cleaning wildlife up for weeks.

Thai burgers arrived next with onions, tomato and lettuce. Josephine was overheard commenting “No competition really, where’s the beetroot and pineapple?” lets not forget the plastic cheese either.

Dessert was served in the form of Trifle, see below.

What a conundrum, how does an Aussie construct an English trifle – jelly with sherry infused sponge cake topped with custard, cream and sprinkles when an ex-pat struggles so badly?

Stand-in GM; Croc, opened circle and enquired of the RA what the things in the sky were, stars apparently.

Two Dogs was brought out and watched on as Caustic and Veteran were given DD’s for getting so far off trail. Botcho gave comment on the run –‘well marked considering the conditions, bit of chiggy, 8 and a bit.

Sir Rabbit extolled the finer points of the meal before scoring at 7.4, incidentally just below the score his food received last week.

Returners –

Bouncer – came to pay Link for services rendered
Ken – enjoyed it so much last time
Iceman – researching a new joke
Miscarriage – back in the fold
Veteran and Blue Card – not listening as taking photos

Ken was left in the circle and named as ‘Gob Smacked’ as a result of his facial expression at his last run. (I blame the trifle)

Croc then gave a DD to “the arsehole of the week’ – Cum Smoke – for choosing to sit in his new car and smoke rather than run. By the way, how’s that new exercise regime going? When you said you were aiming for 50 a day, I guess you didn’t mean press-ups.

RA took to the circle and gave a DD to Veteran for his one-man show at the last splinter lunch and DD to Blue Card for not attending at the last run. Sir Rabbit informed us that last weeks pies have been found as far afield as Burleigh, Pizza is thought to be the one disposing of them irresponsibly.

After a five-week break, Iceman stepped up to the plate with a joke about ties, thanks to the strong winds the groans could be heard in Yatala. Five weeks was evidently not long enough.

POW proxy Caustic had patently given no thought to the matter and weakly pushed it into the hands of the easy target – Veteran, for both the Splinter lunch incident and tonight’s directional mismanagement. The ale was quaffed in very good fashion.

Next weeks run – Caustic & Moonbeams Cascade Gardens Broadbeach.
End of circle by Josephine as Moonbeams bailed out early.

A big hand to Two Dogs, his assistant and all of you maintaining the ‘Harrier’ in our name.

On On

Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Don’t believe a word of it.