Run 1881
Date:18/11/2013
Location:Pony Club Oxenford
Hare:Crocodile
Runners: 24

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After a wild and woolly late afternoon hail storm and high winds centred over Oxenford the pack set off to follow a carefully marked trail that no longer existed.

The GM called the circle in the shape of a rectangle with everybody sitting down at the tables like cabinet ministers with the Prime Minister chairing matters.

Crocodile offered the opinion that it was a great run washed out by hail. Two Dogs reported that the cranky guy on the corner confirmed that it was Route or was it Root Street. He scored it a 7. Croc complained about the absent RA who seemed to have no capacity to arrange good weather on hash night. Rectum offered a second opinion and scored the run a 5 out 10 as it only took 35 minutes for the run.

Rug remarked that he may only come to Hash once a month to get a monthly allocation of Hamburger for dinner. He was so over Hash Burgers that in a truly telling statement said he was now looking forward to the Cum Smoke  nosh next week.

KB was quick to point out that despite the complaints of Rug he actually had FOUR hamburgers.

Rugs scored the nosh a 6.75 and Missing Link in a second opinion scored it a 4.6. The GM. in a sweeping feat of mathematics the GM made it an average of 7.5.

Croc was thanked for providing some birthday red wine.

RETURNERS

Rectum confessed that he had just been “working”. To be fair he is very busy these days working exclusively for Hash members giving new meaning to the term Hash Cash.

Slug rambled on for 10 minutes about going hashing in Kunming and the Philippines with Flasher.

The GM complained that the gift raspberry flavoured triple ribbed edible condoms that Flasher gave him last week were too small. Flasher responded that seemed strange as he tried them and they were too big for him.

THE RA

Circumference with only 5 minutes notice stood in as acting RA. Touch Tyres owned up to a break and enter on the club house to get the lights switched on. Caustic Crusader quipped TT had the lights on but nobody was home.

2 Dogs and Rug were called out for upsetting the cranky resident on the corner who got upset when they ran across his manicured front lawn. Rug tried to pacify the guy by telling him ” if its private property put up a fence”.

2 Dogs getting a second wind informed all present how Shat had rolled up to the long lunch of prawns and beer around the pool after the Yamba Bike Ride and promptly knocked over his very expensive bottle of red wine. On the subject of the bike ride there was a casualty. Long story short Sir Slab in a choice between hitting a car and bailing off the bike took the latter option and did some minor damage to an ankle which blew up like a football. After being medivaced to McLean Hospital by Lady Slab he returned to the still in progress lunch at 4 pm looking for sympathy. Didn’t get too much.

POW

Lurch was going to give it to Slug for his 10 minute oratory on his latest overseas trip.

However he regaled us with a recent encounter with the constabulary when he was pulled up driving his bosses ute which turns out it was unregistered, cancelled number plates and       received an on the spot fine for $880. Cum Smoke is debating whether he owns the ute or does the neighbour 2 doors away who agreed to sell it to Cum Smoke. Stay tuned next week to hear who paid the $880 from the POW Cum Smoke.

NEXT WEEK RUN

Cum Smoke from Pacific Pines

THIS WEEKS JOKE FROM CAUSTIC C

A preacher said, “Anyone with ‘special needs’ who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar.”   With that, an Aboriginal man got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, “Mulrunji, what do you want me to pray about for you?” Mulrunji replied, “Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.” The preacher put one finger of one hand in Mulrunji’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Mulrunji’s head, and then  prayed and prayed and prayed.   He prayed to the ‘Almighty’ for Mulrunji, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, “Mulrunji, how is your hearing now?” Mulrunji answered, “I don’t know. It ain’t ’til next week!”

On On

Blue Card

Run 1880
Date:11/11/2013
Location: Anzac Park, Southport
Hare:Aussie
Runners:31

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Two Dogs opinion of the run was at 4.5K and 29mins a bit short but other than that good and a score of 7.5. It seems the absence of both Rectum and Miscarriage reduced the usual competitive vibe of the run.

Rug gave his usual considered and insightful comment on the Nosh (Deluxe Hamburgers and salad) and was quick to note there was no cheese or chilli flakes. Score – 7. Swindler scored it 7.5.

A DD to Paul a friend of Nasty. Not sure because he was a new comer or because he was a friend of Nasty.

Rug presented letter on surfing Niagara Falls to the GM a keen surfer of some repute. It seems there is an opportunity to get into the Guiness Book Of Records.  There was more. He followed that up with a Taser to help the GM maintain control of the circle. It seems MI5 have been getting rid of old stock passed the use by date.

Flasher not to be out done presented a raspberry triple ribbed condom. Not sure whether you are supposed to pluck it, suck it or …..

Josephine offered a suggestion to the Hash Cash to introduce a Departure Tax next time a group of hash cyclists leave the country and reduce the club weekly cash flow.

KB brought a charge against Shat AKA the real Peter Foster as clearly the slimming tea does NOT work.

Shat the relieving GM called out Truck Tyres for gross Political Incorrectness while on the bike trip im Myanmar. Truck Tyres with 1 small gift to give away and surrounded by well sun tanned village kids pointed at each one in turn….eenie, meenie minee mo catch a n……. by the toe!

POW given to Lurch for inappropriate dress standard – no hash gear.

NEXT Weeks Run by Croc from a park at Oxenford just this side of Brisbane.

REMINDER Bring your $50 per person for the Cocktail Party to Hash next Monday – the RA will have some DD’s for those who forget.

Elevator incident

I’ll be out of commission for awhile…

Today I was beaten up by a woman.

I was in the elevator when this busty lady got in.

I was staring at her boobs, when she said, would you please press1?                                                   So I did.

True Story. How do I know that this is a true story?   Because it was yours truly pushing the button. Caustic Crusader

On On

Blue Card

 

Run 1879
Date:4/11/2013
Location: Frascott Park. Varsity Lakes
Hare:Caustic Crusader & Lurch
Runners:28

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A very good roll up at the run site but in very cool and windy conditions. After several of the overseas returners received warm greetings from those less fortunate, and provided their brief comments on the trip highlights, the hounds were off at 6:15.

The Run: Following some usual road work with several checks, it was eventually into the bush around Reedy Creek; the creek not the suburb! The run became much more interesting with the usual Miscarriage and Two Dogs working the pack fairly hard. There were lots more checks, or I should say On Backs in our hares’ parlance.

This scribe hit the front on several occasions, only to be relegated to the back after constantly being caught in the wrong place.  Good work hares! However we were treated with obvious contempt in many places with gigantic arrows and On Back signs designed for someone with Mr. Magoo’s eyesight problem.

The highlight of the run was a pipe crossing where, if anyone was to fall in he would receive a proper drenching.  There was also a Sir Slab imposter LURCHING in the background, on a bicycle, barely visible in the darkness, to ensure everybody got back safe.  All over in 50 mins, which could have been 49.9 mins if Rectum and Shetland had not taken sickies.

Following the Run a Melbourne Cup sweep was organised by Dogs and Sir Blackie.  Fortunately I scored the winner Miss Demi and will see Blackie first thing next Monday.

The Nosh:  There was much effort in the food preparation. It was so good it had to be outsourced, but hey who cares, as long as there is plenty and it tastes good. There were two curries,  exotic rice, various fruit and chutney condiments and served with Turkish bread. This was followed by large servings of pavlova and lemon meringue pie.  At the risk of swelling Caustic’s inflated ego, I must say it was all very yummy.

The Circle:      Miscarriage was straight into it as usual , with DDs:

Two Dogs, missing in action when called to comment on the food.

Caustic and Lurch, the hares, for an excellent run & walk and excellent food. Scored 8 and 8.75 respectively.

Lurch, riding around on a penny-farthing bike.

Whoredeni, visitor from Surferes Paradise.

Ferret, prime suspect for passing off a 10 Thai Baht coin in the beer bucket; strongly denied, but looked guilty

Sir Prince, referring to our hash living treasure Sir Rabbit as Little Piggy.

Swindler, on behalf of all the Junket returners. He commented on the dangers of being an ex GM with Shat and Now Loved mentioned in despatches as among the more seriously wounded.

Carefree, setting a new record for a Leaver. Left last week, returned this week. There was an unconfirmed rumour that he returned to collect his share in the secret lotto winnings from last Splinter lunch.

Acting GM Miscarriage, for falsely charging someone over a HASH Hot Line stuff up.

Caustic Crusader, for apparently falling off his own dreaded pipe crossing during the run rece.

 POW: After dismissing Ferret for passing wind in the company of other hashers, Rug awarded the prick to Cumsmoke for getting married yet again. It turned out that this was a vicious rumour started by Caustic, to whom the prick was passed.

News: Swindler kindly volunteered to be stand in as booze master next week, to give Pony a bit of R&R on the water.

The Christmas cocktail party with wives & lovers will be on 7 December at the Brickworks. Same restaurant as last year. Confirmation or deposit sought next week 11/11/13.

Sir Prince presented the full story about Shat’s damaged finger, which I will condense to: he got severely pissed, he fell over, he shattered his little finger, he felt no pain, he got even more pissed, he continued out of control and unmanageable for the remains of the evening. Truck Tyre and Kwakka reportedly not in much better condition.

Next weeks run will be from Remembrance Monument about 200 mtrs north of Sundale bridge, Southport.

Josephine closed circle at 8:30 pm. Thanks a lot Caustic and Lurch.

On On Bent Banana

Run 1878
Date:28/10/2013
Location: Paradise Point
Hare:Flatulence
Runners:24

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A roll up of 24 was very good considering all those absent cyclists weaving their way around Asia. It was a windy water-front gathering who was surprised to see some missing hounds back, including Ferret, whose overland trip was cancelled by a sister-in-law event. With the BBQ heating up and a full compliment, the run actually got off before 6:15 pm.

The Run: It was off south along Bayview St. to an eventual false trail. Most hounds headed west, but a suspicious looking Two Dogs held back and after a while headed East down along the Broadwater, then through the grounds of a large apartment complex and a pleasant jog around the boardwalk surrounding a deep-water marina.

It was then back west to the tarmac and a long stretch, better served by the visiting V8s (or missing Rectum) than us ageing athletes. It eventually led to another false trail, which in its simplicity confused many seasoned runners, where it also seems our beloved acting GM came to grief; never being seen again on the run.

Eventually the trail led to the outskirts then through the Conservation Park where Dogs and Shetland guided the remnants of the pack through, to end up on Oxley avenue. Another check west of Oxley and a miscalculated guess by all led us back north, which actually should have been south.

Time was up for several who decided enough was enough and they headed back which cut 5 mins off the trail. It was a well marked trail, big arrows, plenty of them and all  but a couple on the LHS as stated by the hare. No checks but good use of false trails and our Indy monitor reported it was 9.71 klms in length. All runners back under the hour; just!

The Nosh:  Much more than last week. It was very tasty and bulky meat patties on very fresh bread rolls with the usual accompaniments. Care Free was the acting kitchen bitch and there was plenty to go around, despite the fact there were many more runners than expected. The dessert of real trifle and custard followed later. Yes the burgers were up there with Josephine’s standard, with a few stating they were actually better!

The Circle:      Miscarriage was straight into it as usual , with DDs:

Rug, the ex spy, just back from visiting several countries connected with the current diplomatic upheaval over phone tapping, eminating from USA, where Rug spent most of his time.

Latrine, for cosying up so close to the German tourists last week and linking them up with our acting GM who felt sorry for them and gave them some work. Only to discover later, after generous cash payments and heaps of beer for a days clandestine work on the Beaudesert abo site, that they inadvertently sabotaged his water hydrant (repairs $500).

Lurch, pretending to be a black and white minstral, but even with his strange Tshirt to fit the part, he could not sing.

Caustic, Croc and Looneybeams, for not supporting hash booze, after spending all their cash on $7 stubbies at a nearby watering hole. Shame!

Flatulence, finally, the Hare of the evening who did an excellent job, with scores of 8 for the run and 8 for the food. I noticed Caustic, next weeks hare,  visibly trembling and discounting these scores in the knowledge that the spot light will now be on him to perform.Mr. Lee and Carefree, popular recent supporters who will be leaving this week.

Botcho, Mr. Nice Guy, who has accomplished 900 runs with GCHHH. ”well done” cried the crowd.

 POW:  Rock Hard had several candidates but selected Rug for his recent spying/phone tapping activities.

As the ceremony concluded an old hasher “Opium” joined in, having heard the noise from his mother’s nearby residence. He was remembered by Sir Blackie, Sir Rabbit and Two Dogs and no doubt remembered by others overseas. Apparently his name has something to do with slow acting dope, but he now could easily pass for a Clive Palmer lookalike.

Next weeks run will be from Frascott Park at Varsity Lakes, with hare Caustic and his apprentice Lurch. Caustic indicated that all should look forward to a real “gourmet” meal.

Moonbeams declared the circle closed at 8:25 pm.

Thanks a lot Flatulence.

On On

Bent Banana

 

The Hashers pictured below deserted the ship in our hour of need.

Charges pending!!