Run 1892
Date:3/02/2014
Location: Varsity Lakes
Hare: Rock Hard
Runners: 34

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Well this started out as a ”NO” night.

No chalk markings for the walkers

No Booze Master

No Hare

No lights

No ice for the booze

 

Blow Fly visiting from the deep south and son Maggot thought the first 2 k of the run was OK but not too many marks after that. Botcho described his experience as “drifting out” due to lack of marks.

Rug who is on the short list as a guest judge on My Kitchen Rules thought the shredded cold chicken was beautifully presented and no doubt Sir Rabbit loved the fresh lettuce leaves.

As for the large bucket of ice cream for dessert Rug thought it was a brilliant idea to let it melt into liquid form so we could just drink it and no need to get a spoon dirty.

Croc reckoned the nosh was a good chance to win “Best Nosh Of The Week” award.

Flasher was given a DD for failing to turn up at the Botch Residence to help clean up on Saturday after the gourmet food extravaganza there on Friday. Strangely enough there was a spontaneous call from the ranks to declare February the “Be Nice to Flasher Month”. You didn’t deserve that Flasher.

Good to see the RA back in the saddle and in fine form as usual. Sir Prince Valiant has it on good authority that the RA went for a hash run in New York and took a wrong turn over the Brooklyn Bridge   and ended up turning a 6K run into 16 K’s.

The POW handed on by Ferite or is it Feret with a number of nominations:

Flasher for sending insulting emails

Josephine for defamatory language “lower than a snakes guts”

Rock Hard for 1 chalk marking at the beginning for the walkers then a big black hole, no lights, no parking

And the winner is Lurch for paying $15 to Hash cash within 50 cent coins. Rumour has it he has a little scam going with fellow partner in crime Cum Smoke empting parking metres.

The 1900^th Run is in 8 runs time and if we can’t get a sponsorship deal from Qantas for free tickets to Bali we will at Bochos home of fine dining and debauchery.

The Anzac day bike ride is ON and details to be advised.

Next Weeks Run by Josephine will be ‘off Olsen Ave’ you can’t miss it.

END OF CIRCLE

CAUSTICS JOKES FOR THIS WEEK

Gynaecologist Visit

A beautiful woman went to see a gynaecologist.

 The doctor took one look at the stunning woman and all his professionalism went out of the window.

        He told her to get undressed. 
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her,
 “Do you know what I am doing?”

“Yes,” she replied, “You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.”

“That’s right,” said the doctor. He then began to fondle her Breasts.
 “Do you know what I am doing now?” he asked. 
“Yes,” she said, “You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer.” 

“Correct,” replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and started having
sexual intercourse with her. He asked,
“Do you know what I am doing now?”
     “Yes,” she said, “You’re getting herpes: which is why I came here in the first place.” 

Hash Dementia  – short and sweet…! 

Run 1891
Date:27/01/2014
Location: Tamborine
Hare: Rectum
Runners: 27

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A special “Run” this week – the Great Aussie BBQ for Australia Day.

Somebody said it was a good bushy run but Veteran said it caused him flashbacks to his time in Vietnam and could feel PTSD coming on.

The gourmet snags cooked by Kitchen Bitch made the perfect entrée.

Our resident food critic Rug thought the meal was perfect particularly as it was prepared by a fellow Yorkshire man. He loved the idea of keeping the Nosh in budget by using local road kill for the gourmet homemade kangaroo pie.

The homemade ice cream and lamingtons kept the harshest critics silent. Good effort Rectum.

If the pastry was not so light that it blew away, the Nosh score would have been 10/10.

Good to see Moonbeams there and in his own inimitable style call “END OF CIRCLE”

………………………………………………………………………………………………..

JOKES OF THE WEEK FROM CAUSTIC

The HASHMAN

The Hashman is a woman’s best friend.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do;
to live without fear and forget regret.
He will enable her to express her deepest emotions
and give in to her most intimate desires.
He will make sure she always feels that she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.

No wait…… sorry……. I’m thinking of wine.
It’s WINE that does all that.
Sorry.

SHATS BIRTHDAY PRESENT TO JOS

“You never surprise me”  Jos moaned to her long suffering husband called “Shat”.

 “Buy me a surprise for my birthday. Something that accelerates from 0 to 150 in under 4  seconds, … and I’d prefer a blue one!, Jos hinted.

Happy and excited Jos was counting down the days for her birthday.

And finally Jos got the beautiful present that Shat had thoughtfully chosen for her …

Shat’s dead now … but he died a legend.

Run 1891 Numbers needed

Splinter hash Golf & Lunch

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Run 1890
Date:20/01/2014
Location: Old Fart
Hare: Pacific Pines
Runners: 37

The real GM Now Loved made a surprise appearance at this weeks run. He explained that he had been down to Tasmania to catch VD! That is just sick.

We all circled up in the backyard of Old Farts home on the side of a mountain at Pacific Pines.

Our “as yet unnamed” Hasher Paul who for all intents and purposes will currently remain nameless was asked to comment on the run. In an effort to suck up he gave a grossly overrated score of 7.8 and said it was hilly and well marked. Old Fart remarked that locals don’t call them hills but cardios.

Sir Slab this week in the walkers group scored it 10 out of 20 which the GM quickly averaged s 7.85. Catching VD in Tasmania seems to have resulted in brain damage.

Swindler on the nosh ” very tasteful and could well be Old Farts signature dish”. In a mood of generosity he scored it 8.5 with Blackie suggesting “a deduction of 1.5 because there was no potatoes”.

Rug our resident food critic never backward in offering some feedback scored it an 8.25 “I particularly thought the virtual salad was a nice touch”.

Cum Smoke thought the dessert was “sterling” WTF?

Nasty our nosh host the previous week was called out again. He had presented the receipt to Hash Cash for a reimbursement. On close examination of the itemised receipt it turns out there were several cans of dog and cat food included?  Go figure. Any hashers been sitting in the middle of the street licking themselves and barking lately? Darwin Don 92 and just returned from Africa last week had mumbled “even a Zulu wouldn’t eat that”.

Crocodile was the acting RA in the continuing absence of Miscarriage now reportedly in the UK for the MIL’s funeral after having abandoned his 3 children in the snow in the US. He is unable to return to the US as he is wanted for “reckless abandonment of children”. After trying to claim on his travel insurance so his kids could be moved from a homeless shelter his claim was rejected because HE was not there with the kids. A debacle no less.

Flasher got a DD for eating his dinner with his right hand – he is considering converting and is adopting Arab culture. Somebody should tell him he is using the wrong hand. Ferret ever the sensitive new age guy was outed for declaring in the kitchen in front of Mrs Old Fart “Not as good as Flashers trifle”

KB reported his horse was still with foal and the MRI scan indicates a Shetland. Flasher is definitely in the frame.

The returners – Care Free, Phantom, Ferret and last but not least our almost forgotten GM Now Loved.

The POW – Fanny Charmer after not too much beating around the bush bestowed the honour on Ferret for being responsible for the wrong address for the run going on the website. Ferret setting a bad precedent as a member of the highly revered Hierarchy accepted the honour even though the GM has decreed that no member of the Hierarchy can be given the POW.

Next weeks run – Mt Tamborine on Australia Day RSVP on the website. clicke here for details Apparently it is $5 for your wife but free if you bring somebody else’s wife. Several enterprising hashers much to the consternation of Hash Cash are going to do some wife swapping for the day.

JOKE OF THE WEEK FROM CAUSTIC

Two Aussies, Ferret & Kwakka, were adrift in a life boat. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Ferret stumbled across an old lamp.

Ferret rubbed it vigorously, sure enough out popped a genie .

This genie, however was a little different.
The Genie stated Ferret could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought Ferret blurted out,”Turn the entire ocean into beer. Make that Victoria Bitter!”

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the sea turned into that hard-earned thirst quencher.

The genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

Kwakka looked disgustedly at Ferret whose wish it was had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment Kwakka said,

“Nice going, you Dickhead!

Now we’re going to have to piss in the boat.”

 

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