Run 1901
Date:7/04/2014
Location: Miami
Hare: VD & Slug
Runners:32

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Run Report from The Hash – “Stig”

It was not the hounds this week who appeared anxious before the Run, but co hare VD who after backing in the trailer rather late, was busy counting numbers. Very seriously counting and fearing that there may not be enough food. As it later turned out there was enough; just enough, with no seconds, thanks to capable portion control.

Following the briefest of instruction the pack headed east through the tall trees of Pizzey Park where they quickly seemed to get off trail, near the football oval.  Following a forced regroup the pack then headed south and out of the park.

Not long and we came across the first split (Slug’s excuse for a check) which caught a few on the false trail. The real trail led along some tarmac then down into a large opening off Beaconsfield Drive where another split had the pack running in 4 directions. Rectum left, Botcho west, Bent Banana south west and south was Miscarriage slowly disappearing in to darkness, with faint cries of “ooon” “ ooon” heard in the distance.

Up until now Truckie was among  the FRBs , but it was revealed later that he parked near the football oval and observed parts of the trail before the run began. Shame! Or maybe just a lucky bastard.

After several more splits the pack closed and it was then along  Anthony Drive and up some steps into the bush, at the end of which the markings were Walkers left, Runners right. It was here that our disbanded candidate for GM Caustic Crusader disgraced himself, by setting a very poor example to fellow hashers and running (actually racing was reported) home along the Walkers trail. Wank wank.

The runners continued down  Bardon Avenue where the pack again split into several groups. With some additional loops we finally arrived at Paradise Ave after a good workout. This lead into the Pizzey Park east entrance. Some well marked large flour arrows guided us through some grassy patches, then around the lake and home.

At the end it was Tootzie having a Miscarriage out of his Rectum. These 3 were the first back, but not necessarily in that order. They were back in just over 40 mins, with all back within the hour. A great run.

STIG REPORT ENDS!

The GM called everybody up for the usual circle that was shaped like nothing any mathematician could recogonise.

First out was the Hare, or should I say the Hares with VD responsible for the Nosh and always travelling Hashman Slug setting the run. The most notable thing of the run was that Flasher perhaps for the first time in his Hash career did ALL the run. This was personally verified by Botcho that there was no shortcutting and he did the whole run. Flasher was uncharacteristically complimentary of the run and said there were good markings and said it was a good run 7.938.

Flasher was then presented with a special Hash medal made of 18ct gold for his 100% completion of the 1901 run. Bent Banana chiming in for a second opinion gave the run a 7.5. The GM in his normal demonstration of mathematical prowess said that would be an average of 7.73. When asked which school he went to the GM said I loved school, Grade 1 was the best 3 years of my life.

Rug our resident master Nosh critic said the carrots were good, especially with the touch of rosemary and was a change not to have a crunchy al-dente vegetable. Great potato au gratin, just brilliant and he gave it a 8.9. Truck Tyres called in as a first reserve judge gave it an 8.5 and GM once again demonstrating his mastery of pure maths and science said that would average at 8.26.

Aussie was celebrating a birthday and apparently had donated a few crownies but despite this scribe searching in every ice bucket he could not find a free crownie or a free crownie for $1. So Aussie, nice thought but I still ended up with the Pure Blonde beer.

Botcho, Bent Banana and Rock Hard were give the ‘Clowns of the Week’ award as apparently at the weekend they joined up for a little Sunday run at Burleigh Heads and every time a nubile young maiden walked past their heads turned with their mouths open like three clowns in sideshow alley.

Our visitor Toots was given a drink as a stand in for that other Italian, Pizza as it would appear Pizza at the 1900 run destroyed the image of our club as a posh Hash with the Botcho family.

Next the RA jumped in the centre of the circle like a coiled spring and still apparently striking a raw nerve was his debate with Circumference last week as to the justification of the accusation against Circumference of stealing somebodys drink.

Just to prove who gets the last word, Circumference was called out again for jumping to the front of the food queue and jeopardising portion control so that those at the end of the queue were wondering if they would get fed. Circumference not taking things lying down once again argued with the RA. I think ensuring that we have not heard the end of this story.

The RA said the #2 rule in Hash is that when you are up to your eyes in shit, shutup. The # 1 rule however is known widely and he proceeded to demonstrate. One of the Hash chairs had been broken into a crumbled almost unrecognisable mess. He then said “ I ask myself who f*#ked this chair?” immediately one name came to mind, Lurch. Lurch said not me, my best mate Toots. They both came out and took a drink to settle the matter.

The RA following on from the normal email traffic from Hashers during the week said it was apparent that a certain Mrs Hasher had a problem with her plumbing so the RA being the kind of guy he is said he rushed around with his plunger in his hand and some person showing no respect took a compromising photo of him with his stopcock in hand giving it a little flush

. Sir Prince came out looking a bit sheepish but said the princess had sent along a special gift for the RA plumber which consisted of a special brand of beer she had bought back from China which had a picture of a large rooster on the side and it had the name Big Cock beer. Sir Prince has been downing it for 3 weeks with none of the desired results.  VD was reprimanded for parking the trailer in a handicapped space for the duration of the Hash risking a parking ticket for the Hash at 9pm. Absolutely no respect for the handicapped among us including half the walkers in the Hash.

The ‘Kind and Considerate Husband’ award went to Hard On who had asked his wife would she like to go out to dinner on Monday night, maybe have a drink or two and relax with a bit of a flutter on the pokies. When she said that would be nice darling, he said “great, could you drop me off to the Hash on the way to the casino”.

Our well known Hashers Phantom who has been missing for a while was given the ‘Father of the Year Award’ as he was only prepared to accompany his son, who works for an airline, if he could get complimentary business class tickets. No way was he flying anything less that business class even if it was free.

The POW safely in the hands of Rectum for several weeks had a huge number of potential candidates with Rectum calling out about 12 potentials from the circle. This was slowly and methodically reduced down to the last 3 men standing, all upstanding members of the heirarchy.

However, after much individual condemnation of each of the three, the POW was aimed into the crowd and it anointed none other than our esteemed GM as being the person totally responsible for us getting no free shirt for the 1900 run and no free dinner for the 1900 run. The GM who could have pulled rank and invoked the no POW to the heirachy manned up and took one for the team.

Returners this week were Phantom who has been down to Geelong giving the football team some secret training and Truck Tires who has been to China, visited the Great Wall and asked the guide how many bricks were in the wall and where could he buy some yak soup.

A sad report that Josephine had lost the end of one finger in an accident repairing the brake shoes on his car. There was much discussion as to which finger was damaged and what repercussions were for his person life, it may be the finger that one counts the money with.

The Anzac Day ride will be on Anzac Day. Really!!  There will be a 20km bike ride for the over achievers and 12km bike ride for the under achievers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next weeks run, run 1902 will be a Sirs run. Starting at Sir Rabbit’s bar at his home and ending at Sir Rabbit’s bar at his home.

 

In the absence of any appropriate person to close the meeting it was done on the call of the GM by all present “END OF CIRLCE”.

CAUSTICS TEST FOR HASHERS ALZHEIMERS

The following was developed as a mental age assessment
by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10 This is for cat…
11 This is forty cat.
12 This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word
In each line from the top down.

 

Run 1900
Date:31/03/2014
Location:Helensvale
Hare: Botcho
Runners:36

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Run Report from The Hash – “Stig”

Prior to setting out on the run, the first item of the night was to welcome back Kwakka who had been missing for a few weeks. With most runners back from their travels, about 35 waited anxiously for Botcho to give a briefing about the nights run.  They were all very relieved when he uttered: “Flasher has played no role in this run. Whatever you do, do not follow Flasher and end up in the debacle as was the last run from Chip In”.

The runners took off across the 1^st tee on Helensvale golf course and after climbing through the fence on the far boundary encountered the first check. Most went left to a CB or right to nothing, as the run went straight ahead.

Not much road work before we came across an RG. Unfortunately for Veteran and Flasher this was written in Chinese so those two, who reportedly appeared from nowhere, continued on and were nowhere to be found until back at Botcho’s place.

The group then led by Rectum made a left turn and terrorised the house of some poor lady (who reportedly was caught earlier removing some of the Hare’s markings). It was then several more checks, a close fall by our clumsy Booze Master elect Caustic, then into the swamp.

At the next check our beloved RA called On On as he came across a CB and just stood there calling. Prick! In the meantime Rectum was off on the correct tail and never to be spotted again. Full of Shit remarked – just like Darwin very hot and humid and very wet below. The swamp worked well and got the runners together again and it was difficult to know exactly where we were, although several trains seemed very close. Sir Slab found the trail out of the wilderness and it was a bit more road work then back into some more bush.

Very good. New runner Tootsie(?) took off and with Miscarriage complaining about being “checked out”, Sir Prince called on his reserves from his recent high-altitude training and followed in quick pursuit. Eventually it was back on the asphalt for a couple more checks and a good run home.

The GM in one of his rare appearances at Hash perhaps prompted by the importance of a 1900 th run called up the Circle, first thing the scribe noticed was that Blackie had taken on a new assistant to prepare the Down Downs. Kendra our mystery visitor was way out in front, literally, helping Blackie fill the Down Down goblets and it would have taken a plastic surgeon to get the grin off his face.

First order of business was a special thank you to Botulism aka Botcho for the magnificence of the night, tents erected and tables set out for a beautiful sit down meal cooked in the outdoor pizza oven and an open fire grill set on a half 44 gallon drum in true Aussie backyard style.

Flasher complained that there were a few drops of rain but somebody countered that it shouldn’t be a problem for Flasher because he couldn’t find the wet spot anyway.

Josephine commented that after 1900 runs the Hare still couldn’t get the markings right.  Bent Banana in a more positive and constructive mood gave the run an 8 out of 10 and  Josephine said you have got to be kidding its 4 out of 10 set around a golf course.

Rug our resident food critic and semi-retired spook reckoned the Nosh was good and the starter was generous. Small bread rolls with sausages cooked on the open wood fired grill cooked to perfection by Kitchen Bitch and the Hon Sec now known as Kitchen Bitch’s Bitch.

Rug reckoned the chicken in the main course was outstanding however he thought the al dente potato bake and the pureed broccoli could have perhaps exchanged cooking times and was not up to the usual standard of Botcho.

However he gave it an 8.3 which for Rug equals an A+. Shat offering a second opinion mumbled something about the Aldi pies again and gave it 8.5 out of 10. Rectum was called on for another comment as he reportedly had 21 of the chicken legs and his thoughts were that the broccoli pate and crunchy potatoes were an unusual but interesting dish. Once again thanks to KB for jumping in as the Masterchef.

Sir Prince was called out as the first runner in the Gold Coast Hash 1900 runs ago. He demonstrated a tshirt from those first years of Hashing. He pointed out that the t-shirt still fitted him….amazing how much those t-shirts stretch in the wash. Kwakka joined him as a year 1 runner and his first away run was in PNG where they flew in a light plane to go on a Hash event.

Caustic Crusader was called out for his overload of spam emails during the week in support of his campaign to be the GM. There was no support from the members for Caustic as GM but 100% vote on the voices from the crowd for Caustic as Booze Master.

There were several suggestions as to how to turn his Holden Astra into the Booze Master’s vehicle varying from chain sawing the rear section away, buying a second hand trailer, everybody putting in $6.50 for roof racks, so it’s almost a shoe in for Caustic as Booze Master in the 2014 hierarchy.

There was a long list of returners this week clearly many freeloaders out to celebrate the joys and pleasures of the 1900 run, Sir Prince, Nasty, Kwakka, Rock Hard, Sir Slab (returning as Slabbatical Tours leader) Pizza, VD, Head Job, Rock Hard and a blast from the past  McMuffin.

Sir Prince in a brief report of their hash trip to China reported that Truck Tires was in fine form and a new Truckism was formed when they were eating yak and cabbage in a local restaurant when Truckie enquired “what’s yak made of?”

Rock Hard had brought back a joint gift for the GM which was a questionable hat more at home in a gay bar.

Sir Slab had a special gift for Flasher which was a strange looking cap which is apparently worn under a burqa and the RA  mesmerised  by the strange looking hat immediately put it on so he could assume a persona of importance in the meeting.

The RA took control resplendent in Flashers gift and first called out FOS for starting out the run with a torch like a German spotlight in front of the runners but quickly ran out of steam and fell to the back of the pack. Generally there is an unwritten rule of no politics, religion or ethnic sledging in the Hash however the RA was quick to call out our resident spook Rug.

Apparently Rug had bought along several medals to show the RA but strangely some were from the Queen of England and one or two were in Russian from Vladimir Putin. Rug reportedly has a Crimean/Ukraine stamp in his passport from last month and there is a strong suspicion he may be batting for both teams.

RUGS OFFICE COMPUTER

To mark the medal presentation and give it sufficient gravitas, all the Sirs were called out to present the medals and take a drink.

Lurch had bought along a visitor nick named Toots who is training to be a personal trainer. Welcome along Toots, despite the strange nick name we hope to see you again and no doubt ultimately we can give you a more appropriate nick name.

Rectum had a new set of runners and in an effort to ward off some life threatening bacterial microbes,  washed his shoe out in dettol in preparation for a down down. One can only imagine the taste of ginger beer, beer and a double shot of dettol in a somewhat smelly shoe.

Tony Abbot proudly announced that there had been no boat arrivals for 100 days and in an oversight had forgotten to especially thank Head Job for being of primary importance in blockading Australia. The downside for Head Job is that he is now redundant and unemployed, no good turn goes unpunished.

Circumference when accused of stealing someone’s drink during the Nosh took extreme umbrage and turned the tables on the RA and made the RA take a drink for making a gross error in character assassination without proper evidence and research.

The POW was held over for another week as the current incumbent appears to enjoy holding onto it.

Next week’s run will be by VD instead of Head Job who is queuing up at the Centrelink office for a suitable position in refugee containment.

The run will be from Pizzey Park and Slug will be organising the run.

Josephine as the Moonbeams stand in called end of circle and 20mins later the dessert was served, chocolate pudding and ice-cream and the hardworking hierarchy proceeded to do the clean up and washing up.

On On

OnSec

 

Run 1899
Date:24/03/2014
Location:Robina
Hare: Pile Driver & Bent Banana
Runners:24

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Run Report from The Hash – “Stig”

With many runners absent, a rather good sized group of 23 members gathered around at 18:15 anxiously waiting news from Pile Driver about his first Run.  He indicated as he did not wish to upset anybody he kept it short, with only a couple checks.

There was confusion at the beginning as there was an arrow or 2 washed away from in front of a nearby Car yard and Bent Banana decided to take the runners through the yard, rather than around. Trouble. The yard was completely fenced off. However the situation was quickly rectified and the trail led down towards the railway line.  A couple checks later and the group looked suspiciously at a fenced property development where the arrows pointed. Alas, Miscarriage the Project Manager who was not present to give or refuse permission,  the hounds entered the development block.

After some checking in the middle of the block the trail led down to the water, and through another recently opened fence. Thanks for that Miscarriage, but you will need to use water trucks to keep the dust down and also leave the gates open before we decide to come back.

Several smart checks and false trails followed and these worked effectively as most of the runners at this point were back together. It was a beautiful run and walk along the waters edge over areas where the hash had never ran before.

After about half hour the checks stopped and the run home was mostly-off road and very well marked. It was purposely rather long (8.8 Klms), as with the GC Marathon on the horizon, the hares thought the lads needed a good workout.

Rectum was back after 55mims, followed by Flasher and then Ice Man and Rug around 1 hr 15 mins. Unfortunately there was some shortcutting and the usual sledging among the runners about who did and did not complete the whole trail, with some added disquiet about use of proper markings.

The Circle started off with Show Pony who took a down down for his trouble, somebody asked him if he was on day leave.. Show Pony remarked “not sure if I am on day leave or out for an extended period”.

The joint Hares were Pile Driver and Bent Banana with Pile Driver being primarily responsible for the nosh and assisted with the run by Bent Banana. Rectum’s comment on the run was that he arrived 10 minutes late and when he started the run they had only progressed 100m so apparently there was a total debacle before the athletes had got out of the blocks. In a further demonstration of no holds barred feedback,

Rectum said there were ridiculous checks at the beginning and there should be no excuses that it was Pile Driver’s first run. Rectum scored the run a 3.25 but Ice Man in a more generous spirit towards a first run Hash Man gave it a 7.93.

Rug our resident food critic said the nosh reminded him of his old boarding school days and the special meals of mince and cabbage he used to enjoy. He said the highlight was the chocolate éclairs for desert but unfortunately the one he ate, had soap in the chocolate but in spite of that he gave the Nosh a 6.5.

Returning runners were Slug, The Big O, Fanny Charmer and Rob the brother of Full of Shit. Rob scored the run a 10 either indicating he was attempting a huge suck up or at the Hash club in the Philippines they just have no idea, whatever.

Fanny Charmer took a hit for giving IT advice on his phone during the run.

Aussie was singled out as he no longer owned a bank but apparently was networking with all banks. Not sure if he has gone into the bank robbing business or the finance consulting business.

The guest RA was Rug.

Bent Banana was called out for his poor trail marking skills which had resulted in the pack running around in circles at the beginning of the run.

Apparently this very area was the location where Circumference had taken a fall on a previous Hash run and had sued the Gold Coast Council for millions but had settled for a pittance on the steps of the court. He was once again observed for trying to generate some extra income for the Hash by suddenly stopping to tie his shoes on the run and Botcho absolutely rear ended him and cried out “we can settle in court”.

Rectum took a drink as a serial whinger for complaining that the marks set by Bent Banana were “doing his head in”. Flasher took a drink for actually doing the whole run for a change.

Rectum was due to award to POW to a worthy recipient but said he had come straight from work and did not bring it. I could see no reason why he could not have worn it all day instead of a nail bag at work.

The meeting was called to a close by Show Pony as a lookalike for Josephine who was a lookalike for Moonbeams……go figure!

From Caustic

Latest  South African Door Lock

 

This one deserves an Oscar!!

 

 

 Click to see more

Run 1898
Date:17/03/2014
Location:On the River at Broadbeach Heights
Hare: Ball Point & Sir AH
Runners:26

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The Run

POW

Finally at 8.58 it was good to again hear these familiar words of Moonbeams echoed by none other than his stand in protégé Josephine

 ……………………………………END OF CIRCLE

 Acting Again OnSec for Blue Card who phoned in with Tummy pains at 4.30…he alleged that the Muesli and Banana that was fed to him early am on Chevron Island caused this issue.

 …………Guess his body went into shock at healthy food!!

On On

Swindler