Run: 1931

Date:3/11/2014

Location: Coombabah

Hare: Sir Rabbit & Josephine

Runners: 27

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Brady Park Coombabah

Theme: “Around the Carrot Patch”

Tonight’s run started with Sir Rabbit turning up in his ute, using his master key to access the locked gate into Brady Park and then disgorging the contents of his ute, including BBQ, tables, stereo, chairs, a painter’s trestle, cooking implements and all manner of other interesting things. Rabbit’s words were most apt…”who needs the hash trailer when you’ve got all this shit!”

A motley crew of about 25 runners and walkers huddled together at the start, wondering if they were going to be rained on and were assured by the hare, Josephine, that there was absolutely no threat of rain…then it started spitting drops of rain. Luckily VD had brought along his triple-sized shade tent.

Josephine gave us all a run briefing, indicating he had used six kilos of flour, six rolls of toilet paper and various pieces of plasterboard in meticulously marking out the trail for the runners and it was exactly 7.242km in length, give or take 23 centimetres. The walkers got a written guide to their walking trail and off we all set. The run was an interesting one, very well marked in chalk, flour and toilet paper and even your trusty substitute to the substitute scribe was confident in being in the pitch dark bushland all by himself (whatever happened to the old adage “no man left behind”) fully knowing that the trail would be clearly marked for him to find his way home. The hare also did a sterling job in sweeping at various stages of the run to make sure that runners kept on trail. All in all, a great run and Josephine is to be congratulated on his efforts.

The nosh was prepared by Sir Rabbit and it did not disappoint, consisting of lovely, crisp chips, beetroot, pickled onions, mushy peas, a mixed leaf salad and choice battered or crumbed fish fillets, oven-baked and reheated on the BBQ. Dessert was apple pie and custard, again not disappointing. There were ample left over chips and several of us made traditional “chip buttie” sandwiches to round off the meal.

In the circle, Josephine was complemented on the quality of his run and Two Dogs thought that “he should do it every fucking week!”. The superlatives kept flowing with Shat feeling that Josephine had done a “marvellous, marvellous job” and Bent Banana continuing with “walk of the year!!”.

Brutus, a nosh expert, was asked for his opinion and said “lovely salad, best mushy peas!”. Weekly commented that “the beetroot was great!” and Kwakka “I had two goes at the chips”. What an excitable bunch of hashers we all are! The great leveller came from Sir Blackstump who commented that “the fish reminded me of the last time I dined at the Y…it was a c@#t of a fish!”.

The circle was initially presided over by the RA in the capacity as acting GM as our actual GM was feeling too traumatised to preside over the gathering, apparently on the outlandish pretext of having his feelings hurt by Ballpoint in last week’s words, wherein Ballpoint had apparently inferred that the venerable GM was a clown…whether or not this is true is irrelevant..it was sufficient to get not only a down-down, but also a lengthy icing. Poor old Ballpoint!!

Just so he didn’t feel left out, Bent Banana also got an icing. Your trusty substitute to the substitute hash scribe can’t actually remember why this actually happened, but it is becoming such a regular occurrence that it doesn’t matter any more.

Veteran was awarded the “Prick of the Week”, minus the condom cap, the mounted member, the prick nose and glasses and the bag of porn, with the substitute Richard Cranium chicken being presented to him in lieu. What on earth has happened in my two week absence in Vietnam…the whole thing has become a debacle!!

Remember that money for the cocktail party is required by 15^th November due to the fact that there are going to be lots of expenses that have to be paid for up front. No money by this date means you get scratched!!

On On

 

Fanny Charmer

Substitute to the substitute to the hash scribe

Run: 1930

Date:27/10/2014

Location: Molendinar

Hare: Kitchen Bitch , Botcho and many helpers

Runners: 27

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Welcome to my Nightmare….

OCTOBER 21st

It was late in the day when I called in to Brian’s place on my way home from work.
-“He’s not back from the doctor’s yet” said his wife with concern in her voice, “he’s been there all afternoon.”
So I called him:
-“G’day mate howzit hangin’? Where the fuck are yuh?”
-“Who is this? said a voice I did not know.
-“BallPoint, who’d yuh think it is? Why, who’s this?
-“Senior Serjeant Campbell from Surfers Paradise Police. Who are you?”
-“I’m a friend of Brian’s, I’m here at his place with his wife wondering where he is.”
-“Wait there, we’re coming over.” And he hung up.
They were at the door a few minutes later:
-“I’m sorry to bring this sorry news” said the serjeant, “Brian has passed away. He collapsed in the doctor’s waiting room and nothing they did could bring him back. I’m very sorry.”
Brian……….my best mate of 35 years……..gone………..for ever!

Rest in Peace Brian.

OCTOBER 22th

In the preceding days, emails were flying around that a legend of the Gold Coast hashing community was in serious trouble; the Big C had got a hold of Ringbark’s prostate and just wouldn’t let go….
A veteran of 135 Gourmet Hash runs, Ringbark was a hardened hash man with a quality pedigree. A knockabout bloke with a glint in the eye and a nose for the punt, he had a particular penchant for any get-rich-quick-schemes; from Peter Foster’s thinning teas to Nigerian Princes looking to offload their millions into his bank account, Ringbark entertained them all. Scammers, conmen and bullshit artists were welcome to his imagination…..
He fought bravely so many battles but in the end he lost the war and left us to try his luck in Hash Heaven.

Rest in Peace Ringbark.

OCTOBER 24th

The evening news led with the death of Australia’s 21st Prime Minister, Gough Whitlam. At the spritely ripe age of 98, Gough fell off the twig as he muttered: “Well may we say God save the Queen, because nothing will save me anymore….”
A man not short on confidence and the sense of occasion, Gough’s legacy is enormous. His was not the evolutionary route but the revolutionary one. He radically re-shaped Australia from a country with entrepreunerial zeal to one big fat welfare state and the bloated bureaucracy needed to manage it. True to his ideological roots, Whitlam was the first Western leader to get into bed with communist China. And when the shit finally hit the fan on his reformist agenda, he thought nothing of employing the services of a Pakistani crook to bail him out.

Rest in Peace Gough.

OCTOBER 30th 

It was a moonless night. The Hare Botcho was most pertinent when giving his final instructions:
-“Don’t forget your bloody torch. And for Fuck’s sake keep together; it’s bloody dark in there and if you get lost you’re on your own. No one’s coming to get you. And good luck!!!
There was tension in the air as 6 of us ventured into the shadowless scrub. It would be Sir Black Stump who’d break the tension with a cry of “Oh fuck!!!” as he trod on a massive cane toad blocking the narrow path. At the first check point newly named Brewtus spoke up in a trembling whisper:
-“Fuck me it’s dark in here………no way I’m goin’ checkin’….I’m hangin’ around here until it’s found.”
As it was, I found the on trail and waited for the pack to catch up. Deeper into the spooky forest we soldiered on; As the front man, and with my torch pointing downwards, I copped all of the spider webs and any low hanging branches. Checkpoints 2 and 3 were negotiated without any dramas but the pack began to disintegrate. Still heading the pack, I was suddenly stunned by the apparition of a ghost, with a porcelaine white ‘the scream’ face and the ubiquitous woo woo howling. I jumped out of its way and sought refuge in the bushy undergrowth but as I did I fell headlong into a ditch. “Get away from me” I yelled as I scrambled to my feet and raced back onto the path in terror. As a last resort I started screaming “on, on……….on, on” with renewed gusto and in a desparate bid to ward off the surrounding evil spirits.

Suddenly I came to a fence………. a high mesh fence……….I was trapped, a prisonner of this God forsaken, spooky forest. As I pointed my torch along the fence line I began to crawl along it. Far away I could hear a low rumbling noise which seemed to be nearing. Then I found it….a hole in the mesh and I squeezed my bulky body through it. I was free!!!! The rumbling noise was getting louder, hopefully I would be rescued. I started climbing the steep rocky embankment and as I looked up I thought I caught a glimpse of light. I scrambled up the slippery ravine wall, the light was getting stronger, the noise was getting louder. Then I was there…at the top….and as I emerged from the abyss I was blinded by the most intense light and overwhelmed by a thunderous noise. And as the speeding train passed me by, a gust of hot air hit me with such force that it knocked me backwards and I slipped back down that black ravine once more. I screamed “help, help” but there was no response, only an eerie silence, but for terrifying bush sounds. I found the fence again and soon I crawled through its gash once more. Furious panic gripped me and I raced up the slope before me, bush bashing my way to God knows where. Eventually I cut the trail and soon I was relieved to be back on flour. As my confidence returned I noted that there were no spider webs across the path concluding that others had been there not long before me….and that I was on my way ‘Home’.

‘Home’, on this terrifying night, was an old, long disused tunnel; one probably inhabited by Goths in times gone by. On this night it was illuminated by a dim bluey light and, as I approached with trepidation, I found a bunch of zombies, witches, freaks, devils, vampires and death cultists. Uncle Fester was also there presiding over a very old and dusty coffin…….a most frightening prospect.

They seemed to be enjoying themselves, drinking and eating with gay abandon. Much of what was discussed didn’t make any sense to me but they left me to do my own thing.

Eventually, one of them with a particular ‘presence’, a strange ‘staff’ and an even stranger hat, rallied them into a circle formation around him. He called in a devil who had been responsible for something called ‘the run’ and after much toing and froing, the devil drank some potion from a large metallic goblet.
A zombie appeared in the circle and he too was given some of the potion for his commentary on ‘the walk’…..
Then a freak appeared and he was given a statue, shaped like a phallus, for being a ‘cheap’…..
Hannibal Lecter was given some potion for his audacious attempt to lure two dames into the tunnel to have his evil way with them.

All of a sudden fear gripped me once again as the black ghost of the forest made another appearance, ordering Godzilla into the circle and giving him a goblet of potion for his inspired idea of bringing ‘Home’ a coffin. Godzilla then explained that the coffin was neccessary to “carry the carcass of the ‘one’ being sacrificed tonight”……

On that terrifying note, I reached for my hash bag and charged for exit.

ON2,
Acting On Sec

Run: 1929

Date:20/10/2014

Location:Main Beach

Hare: Two Dogs & VD

Runners: 32

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Gold Coast Gourmet Hash

• Gold Coast Warriors and possible probationary Warriors regroup for secret meeting in Hanoi Vietnam
• 

• Carefree advises he will not be returning to the Gold Coast as at last he has a good job with long term financial security selling fresh coconuts in Hanoi.
• 

• Blue Card has reported from Vietnam that all working well again after recent operation.
• 

• Moonbeams has joined the Warriors on his new electric bike and looking forward to getting his Warrior Colours and Patch.

• Hash Cash Sir Slab is back just from a 4 weeks bike expedition but now has to rush off again for important Hash Duties in Thailand.

• RA Caustic and Missing Link are away with the Warriors in Vietnam getting some bike riding instructions and on probation as Warrior .

• On Sec Swindler will be away on long service leave for a few weeks. The position will be taken over by Acting On Sec Ballpoint.

• Rectum flies in from UK to join the warriors in Vietnam

Indy Handicap Run 1929 with 2 Dogs & Van Diemen

A excellent effort by 2 Dogs as the Hare and VD as the Nosh Chef.

Promoted as the Indy Handicap Run with full access to the Indy track resulted in a high attendance of 32 hashers around the boat ramp at Main Beach.

2 Dogs at the pre Run briefing explaining how his involved handicap system would work ..could anyone really understand this complicated handicaping system!! The pre-run briefing from 2 Dogs was very detailed with a well marked trail that he had spent all day on sunday marking with chalk arrows 2 Dogs listed the handicap for each of the runners ,walkers and BBQ helpers then one by one the hashers left to pick up the well marked trail.

Thanks 2 Dogs for creating a unique venue ( how did you ever think of this venue??) to make another great Annual Handicap Indy Run.

The GM once again was ready to take up his usual postion once all the runners had left next to the BBQ to make sure that all goes smoothly.

The GM as we well know by now is a very thoughtful person and dedicated to the Hash to ensure we are truly the Gold Coast Gourmet Hash as each week he supervises the Nosh Chef to ensure the nosh is Gourmet.

The Handicap Run

 

2 Dogs spent considerable effort in setting this well-marked handicap run. Well done for all the extra effort in setting the trail and working out the handicaps for each runner and walker.

As this was a handicap event the following is the list of runners and walkers as they returned.

• Faster Runner Botcho 19.35 minutes
• 1^st Runner – Sir Slab 20.10 minutes
• 2^nd Runner -Circumference   20.57 minutes
• 1^st Walker – Ferrett   29.19 minutes

Followed by

• Shetland
• Veteran
• Sir Black Stump
• Swoolen Colon
• Iceman
• Josephine
• Lurch
• Aussie
• Bent Banana
• Brootus( alias NOW)
• Sir Rabbitt
• Rockhard
• Sir Prince Valient
• Jigsaw
• Now Loved
• Mother Brown
• Hard on
• Weekly
• Swindler
• Shop Pony & Moonbeans ( tied or tired??)

 

To those Warrior Marshalls who went out into the dark night on their push bikes and assisted 2 Dogs to make sure all hashers were safe on the run l!.We say thanks you !!! another dedciated and amazing effort by the Warriors.

Warriors Marshalls on the bikes on hash trail

• Shat
• Kwakka
• Nasty

 

Run Critic Sir Slab commented

“Gentlemen, 32 decrepit old Bastards shuffled around the Indy track tonight … I personally thought Two Dogs did an amazing job with the handicapping!!”

The Nosh

Resident food CriTic SIR Prince Valient ” Magnificant seafood flown in directly from Tasmania especially for the Hash Nosh.

Well done VD for providing a quality 3 course meal…a great effort and excellent seafood meal that helped to make this another hash night of quality and true HASH nosh in a great waterfront location.

Menu:

• Pre-dinner snacks of copious quantities of cheese’s , corn chips , biscuits and a huge bowl of fresh popcorn
• Fresh Tasmanian Seafood Costa Indi served with top quality garden fresh salad and pasta
• Homemade Ice cream and gingerbread biscuits with a fresh Homemade Freddy’s Cake which was a real winner ( great outsourcing by Sir Slab)

THE CIRCLE

GM in Circle

Our GM complete in Katmandu Hat, Hash Chains and the Moses Staff and long flashy pants opened the Circle.

DD to:

• 2 Dogs & VD for Hare and Nosh
• Nasty for new shoes
• Sir Prince for public exposure and leaving his wet mark on the car tyre.
• Weekly, Swollen Colon & Ferrett as returning runners
• Cumsmoke for wearing thongs to HASH
• Warriors for meeting in a group of 8 persons as maximum allowed by law is 2 persons when part of a bike group

Icings

No icing as all hasher behaved this last week in an impeccable manner..Why is it that icings only occur when the RA Caustic is present..does he get some perveted joy from the suffering of his fellow hashers??

Useless Shirt

In Vietnam with Truck Tyres

Prick of the Week

In Beaudesert with MiscarriagE

Report by GM

Our GM interviewing a potential new member from Japan pre- Circle

Naming Ceremony

GM introduced and once again gave a warm welcome to:

Marc Anthony “NOW” Nephew of Weekly

As a Painter and Docker he could be named Cleopatra, Julius Caesar or Mona Lisa

Arise “Brewtus”

GM advised next week run will be by Hierarchy and will be Halloween night in the tunnel. A great night assured with our GM as the Master Chef. Wear a Halloween Mask.

Check the Hairline for details!

End of CIRCLE …….by Moonbeams @ 8.39pm

 

 

Swindler

 

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Run: 1928

Date:13/10/2014

Location: Nerang

Hare: Aussie

Runners: 32

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Run 1928 with Aussie

 

A high attendance of 32 athletes gathered for this special Octoberfest event organised by Aussie. The athletes assembled in Brewery Carpark for the prerun instructions by Aussie.

Promoted as a sole effort with no outsourcing by Aussie as the Hare and the Nosh Chef of the German BBQ.

This would be the night that all those “Aussie Rumours” were put to rest with his actual attendence at the run. But would it be great night of quality german nosh and a true german run.

Aussie at the pre-run briefing explained how the run is planned! With arms waving in all directions it was obvious there was only one way we could run down the driveway …“run out there and turn left “

The GM this evening looked like he may be actually going for a run wearing his virtually new runners. However this was only a deceptive front as he was soon to take up his usual position next to the beer kegs and BBQ. He then called the rabble to order and sent the runners on their way at 6.20 pm with his signature words “ good luck finding the trail’.

Our GM was ably supported by fellow hashers Show Pony and Cumsmoke as they gathered around the keg as they discussed the freshly brewed non alcoholic, no preservative, no hangover beer that required continual tasting and testing for this important event before the runners and walkers returned.

After several this year of so called Best Run of the Year followed by the so called Best Nosh of the Year this was looking a hard act to follow for Aussie.

The Run

                   Q: Name the hasher who wanted to be on the run with his mates!!

Aussie told all assembled that he had spent considerable effort in setting this well-marked run. As the runners raced up the roadway Aussie instructed the big team of Walkers to remain behind for a detailed walk briefing.

2 Dogs, Flasher ,Jigsaw, Fanny Charmer and Missing Link led the runners out of the carpark and up the grassy hill. Following closely were Bent Banana,Sir Slab ,Rockhard, Sir Rabbitt and Circumference. Following were Sir Black Stump, ,Lurch were in full flight up the grassy hill hard on their heels. Good to see new runners Bondage and NOW keeping up with pace.

Front runner Botcho called On On as Sir Prince, Truck Tyres, Rug and Iceman were still moving up the steep grassy hill.

The first runners back again heavily sweating were Circumference and Botcho.They ran for a total of 19 minutes and came back puffing and sweating…are these real runners??

Run Advisor 2 Dogs advised the run based on his GPS was run distance 2.32 km. Well done all the hashers who did the whole run.

Run Critic 2 Dogs then also advised it was a great run with excellent markings. The free beer obviously affected him as well.

Sweep Bent Banana advised that Sir Blackie and Ballpoint went around three times as they tried to find the their way back to the brewery.

 

Last back was Miscarriage in the time of 42 minutes..obvoiously he did his own run somewhere??

It was an excellent run as no runners complained about the short distance of the run this week as they had access to the unlimited free booze.

A well planned run by Aussie.

THE Walkers

Warrior Now Loved still recuperating with a fractured scapula and showing no pain led the walkers up the hill. Hard On, Swindler ,Nasty , Sir AH , Phantom & Jigsaw again enjoyed the slow amble along the road as they discussed world affairs.

A very well planned walk which all walkers completed for the first time. A quick walk around the hill for a total time of 14 minutes over 1.9 km. Well done to this group of finely tuned athletes.

The walkers this week did quickly move around the hill and most were surprised to see the skyline lights of Surfers Paradise.

The German Brewery Location

 

Unlimited beer, wine and song supplied by your ever caring Hierarchy who have been now voted (by unanimous votes of all the hierarchy) as the

Best Ever Gourmet Hash Hierarchy.

The German Nosh

 

This tray of German food supplied at the Octoberfest bears no resemblance to what our Nosh Chef Aussie had planned and supplied.

Resident Food Sir Prince noted that he “could not tell the difference between the onions and the cabbage “

Lurch commented that the food was excellent and he had 4 helpings.

Nasty was very concerned that all the next day he would be in a vehicle with a friend and was very concered about the hot air he would be releasing after all the cabbage and onions he had eaten.

A good solo effort by Aussie for the effort in buying the sausages from the German butcher shop and the bread rolls, precut onions and cabbage from Coles.

Menu:

• Cabbage rolls that were was noted as “ inedible and could have been well past the use by date”
• Homemade German Sausages with heaps of onions on hot bread rolls. Unlimited sauces and mustards to give some taste
• Aussie Strudel +++

 

The CIRCLE

Our GM dressed as a German Fraulein complete with huge tits and long blond pig opened the Circle around the beer kegs.

RA Caustic then proceed to issue the charges.

 

The Down Downs:

• Aussie for Hare and Nosh
• Now Loved for turning up again after damaging the Lycra bike rider (an associate of the RA)
• 
• Nasty for his recent red wine episodes (surprise ..surprise!!!)

 

• Flasher for a Hash Rule 1 infringement
• Flasher for interruption of RA in the circle
• Lurch and Flasher as partners in the German foxtrot
• Ballpoint and Rug as partners in the German foxtrot
• NOW and Truck Tyres for no German outfit

Icing

The RA always desperate to use his carefully prepared ice try was looking for a new candidate. It appear that as Weekly has not been present for a couple of weeks the RA is now extracting his vengeance on a repetitious basis on Bent Banana.

Aussie stayed under the radar and was saved from an icing after all the free booze but not so for BB as the RA once again took his deranged vengeance on Bent Banana.

Fortunately for Bent Banana he has developed and patented a unique anti-icing tool that he uses to reduce the pain and suffering. It seemed that in the total fear of the icing situation he left behind on the ice some long black sticks.

Very soon we see Flasher is devouring these back sticks of jelly .Was he really indulging in coprophagia. It was later revealed as Flasher began to eat what appear to be BB’s black faeces it was in fact liquorice sticks that none other than Flasher himself had strategically placed.

All agreed so unfair for Bent Banana to be iced again!!

Useless Shirt

It appeared this week worn by Hard On who after suffering a DD for forgetting to bring it for the last few weeks passed it on to Truck Tyres.

Prick of the Week

After a long absence the previous POW Cumsmoke again after a DD for nonappearance at passed on to Miscarriage.

Report by GM

 

Our heavily lactating German Fräulein GM announced:

• Mixed Hash Tails Cocktail Party on Saturday 6^th December was now almost booked out so please be quick. All inclusive $30.
• Halloween Run coming up in tunnel. Will be a great night with GM as Michelin Chef in residence.

Oktoberfest Run PRIZE for best dress.

Several Awardees with German hats plus:

• Miscarriage for the new Berlin German Arab Gown
• GM as a German Fräulein
• Sir Rabbit in full German outfit

 

Awarded to Ballpoint for his appearance as a very well presented German Fräulein.

Congratulation Ballpoint and enjoy your win:

There has been no expense spared by your caring HEIRACHY FOR those who make the effort and go the extra mile.

THE PRIZE

Room keys for 2 nights at Melbourne Crown towers with an unlimited account for Room service Beer and wine including dinner for 4 at the 6 Star resturaunt.

End of CIRCLE …….by Show Pony @ 9.12pm

Time to kiss a German Fraulein and go home

 

Swindler