Run: 1946

Date:16/2/2015

Location:Bundall

Hares: Hierarchy

Runners:38

Sir Black Stump wins:

• Australian Distance Championship
• 2nd World masters over 65

Congratulations from the GCHHH for an amazing effort.

The Tri-Hashalon Run 1946

Gold Coast City Council Civic Centre Bundall Road

The Start of the Run

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38 excited TriHashalonites gathered around Van Diemen (VD) who had just flown in from Tasmania especially to control and organise this ground-breaking event. Thanks VD for making this special effort.

VD then went into the very detailed run instructions. However Shat decided to get telephone advice from his good friends at the Australian Institute of Sport to assist VD.

VD then appointed his team of professional and very unfit Marshalls of Acting GM Caustic (foot in plaster) , 2 Dogs (weak legs) ,Truckie ( not well) to monitor the teams.

With the excited repetitive sounds of let’s go!!! The swimmers headed towards the lake at full speed as the remaining team members of the 11 team cheered them on.

The Swim Start    

Yes. you guessed. A total debacle with a series of unplanned events guaranteed to create havoc amongst this fine group of swimmers as no one was really sure which side of the buoy to swim around, no lifeguards or back up emergency measures to help save Fanny Charmer from the events that was to rapidly unfold.

The Swim Finish

The group of weak kneed, breath gulping and panting swimmers were greeted by Acting GM Caustic who had prepared a nice Cold Aldi meat pie for each swimmer to eat before their next team member could commence the next leg of the bike ride.

Pile Driver, one of the early swim arrivals found eating the meat pie between gulping big deep breaths of air a little daunting!

 The Bike Ride Start

Then out went the 11 Warriors one by one. These finely tuned bike riders have been training 3 times a week for this last 12 months for this event. Phantom, Rockhard, Jigsaw, Nasty, Kwakka, Shat, Blue Card, Fanny Charmer, Sir Slab, Swindler and Seedy. What a fine bunch of highly tuned athletes.

The Bike Ride Finish

It does seem that several bike riders took short cuts and were unable to see the correct trail!! Kwakka, Blue Card and Hard-on were disqualified by the judges Aussie and 2 Dogs and Truckie for short cutting.

The Run Start

Lack of detailed instructions resulted in a total run Fu###@@ up. Some went around the run circuit once like Sir Rabbit, some twice like Ballpoint, some 3 times like Bent Banana and Miscarriage and while Flasher never sure of where he is went around 3.5 times.

The Run Finish

Absolutely no idea except we did see Cumsmoke collapsed on the ground complaining he needed to work tomorrow!!

The Winners Circle

Of the 11 teams each one claimed to be the winner. I guess they all were as they competed but as always only one true winning team!!

Computer driven results produced by 2 Dogs (without his computer …figure that out!!) gave the winning team advice to VD.

Winning Team

Phantom * Head * Sir Prince Valiant

The Losers Circle

If only the other teams had this type of moral support to keep them going

The queue for the Finisher T Shirt quickly grew as the Finishers were eager to collect their FREE Collector’s Item memorable T Shirt. All agreed it was a fantastic design (great design work by VD) with the hierarchy photos and was a wonderful memento of this event.

FOODS ON!!!

The Nosh

Again a large amount of pre Hash hype about food quality, food quantity, presentation, time etc etc etc etc … Would this Hash Crap live up to these expectations!!

Bring your own tin.

The result looked and tasted nothing like the photos below.

Rated the WORST Nosh of the year to date.

The leading hash food connoisseur on Irish Stew, Rug ….absolute Crap and the recent hash of Nasty’s Aldi Pies and peas were much better!!!

Josephine …trying to outdo Sir Rabbit’s comments of “great tomatoes in the Nosh “ declared ….Brilliant food

Blue Card as always living in another world agreed with the Sir Rabbit and declared…. Excellent Food

Well done Missing Link for your great effort but the ingredients supplied to you were obviously not so good.

Food comments and Score of -Minus1 officially endorsed by the Rug says it all!!!

Where is the GM when he is most needed!!

The Circle

The excited teams circled around the Acting GM Caustic in anticipation of a pending announcement. It was suggested that there may be a readjustment of the team positions.

No such luck for the Winning Team as Acting GM Caustic immediately gave orders the Booze Masters to prepare DD for the winners as their first prize.

Well done Phantom, Head and Sir Prince Valiant.

Returning Runners then got a DD

• Mags .away for several years but forgets where he was
• Swindler in China and Indonesia planting trees
• Seedy baby sitting in Bathurst

Acting RA Aussie

Down Downs

• Cumsmoke abuse of Acting RA telling him that he still had lots of room left in his new single

• BallPoint for being the only person who went around the buoy.

• Blackie as a ring-in to the event and a serial overtaker on the event

• Pile Driver for sitting on his dinner plate and breaking into in 4 tiny pieces

• Missing Link & Flasher for complaining about the Hierarchy photos on singlet being to small

• Cumsmoke, Ballpoint and Sir Slab for complaining about the food ..Sir Slab then decided as One Sir drinks all Sirs drink roped in the Sir Rabbit , Sir Black Stump , Sir Prince Valiant and Sir AH

• Miscarriage for his long Valentine story that went nowhere and ended nowhere

• Hard On as a winner of the Melbourne Cup Sweep ( all were surprised that he forgot to collect it ??)

• Sir Prince Valiant for new shoes

POW

Awarded by Nasty to Jigsaw for running Nasty off the bike track and causing injury to his leg.

At 8.58 after much laughter & frivolity it was the those familiar words of Josephine that’s echoed over the teams ………      End of CIRCLE

Swindler

Run: 1945

Date:9/2/2015

Location:Nerang

Hares: Ballpoint

Runners:35

Well, here we were again at an old favourite spot at the pony club at the end of Wandin Street, Nerang for Ballpoint’s birthday run…50 years old and he doesn’t look a bloody day over sixty…must be all the hashing in exotic locales all over the world..it obviously takes it out of you…happy birthday you old prick!!

About thirty intrepid hashers turned up for the run, a lot of them probably wondering what the hell was ahead of them and why they had to pay $20 for the run instead of the usual $15….of course all would be revealed later, as we would all see!…and why the hell did we all have to wear Hawaiian shirts we wondered!

Some research on Ballpoint’s birthday, assuming he is to be believed that it was four days before tonight’s run only turned up one “famous” person with whom he shares a birthday…Mary, crown princess of Denmark…another Tasmanian!! Good one Ballpoint..hashy birthday, f*** you!!

The run briefing:

The hare greeted us all upon arrival with a big backpack strapped to his chest…shit! Has he lost all his marbles and is he packed with explosives and this is not going to be a hash run but terrorist training instead???…and was the extra money to pay for the explosives??? No, no, we were reassured by Ballpoint that this was going to be a Hawaii 5-O theme run…”out there in the bush, you blokes have to act like it’s full of thieves and crims…you have to be on your toes…you have to find the trail…it’s going to be marked with shredded paper and I’m going to head out and mark it now and you blokes follow in ten minutes”.

The run:

Off set the hare into the wilderness and after waiting the requisite time we all set off in the same direction, including the walkers. After about twenty five metres we came across the first shiggy…a bloody muddy creek crossing…great stuff Ballpoint!…soggy feet for the next four kilometre trek!…soon after that there was a check consisting of a large mound of shredded paper…no way could that lot have been in his back pack…this was all a pre-planned trap!

Runners shot off in all directions and it looked like there was no trail to follow but after many cries of “are you?” and “checking!” after what seemed like an eternity, a faint cry of “on on” in the distance raised hopes again. “Bugger it” said Botcho “I would have been happy to turn back and crack a beer!”…a sentiment with which a fair number of us agreed. This scenario was to be repeated at every single check …..”what the fuck is he trying to do to us?”…”bloody prick!”…..ahh the joys of hashing!

Ballpoint must be given credit for one thing though…the runners all stayed together for the whole run…..probably because everybody was shit scared of being left out in the wilderness on their own…..even Flasher did his best to resist the temptation of darting off on his own as he normally does. Towards the end of the run most of us were desperately lost and thank goodness a friendly local came out of her house backing the bushland and said “are you blokes lost??” to which we all replied “yes…how the f*** do we get back to the pony club?” to which she responded “just go down the hill there and there’s a creek crossing (great! Another one!) and you’re nearly there”…off we went down the hill, fortuitously finding the trail again and there we were…back at the start..brilliant! Despite all the protestations and abuse directed at the hare, we all summed it up as a bloody good run!

The Nosh:

Ballpoint made a bloody good effort to upstage Sir Blackstump by pinching his signature dish, spaghetti Bolognese…all agreed that it was a good feed, with the nibbles at the beginning being a slightly spicy Spanish-style chorizo, served with cheese and that old favourite, Jatz crackers. Where would we be without Jatz!! Dessert was Crepe Suzettes, probably outsourced to Ballpoint’s lovely Mauritian missus, oh, but hang on, he’s French…he’s got the right DNA to cook that sort of shit so he probably did them….good job Ballpoint..tres bien mon ami!! There was a second dessert, boob-shaped cakes topped with cream..shared by those not on the point of bursting after circle ended. In all, we all agreed it was a great feed and who gives a shit what Blackstump thought of it!!

Circle and other crap:

In keeping with the Hawaii 5-O theme, Ballpoint had arranged for one of his copper chums to come and provide us with some light entertainment…Constable Crissy certainly kept us all in line, not hesitating to wield her extendable nightstick to keep our behaviour in line. Enough said…you had to be there to appreciate it and if you weren’t or if you are reading this as an interested outside, well ha! Ha!…you missed out..tough titties J!!

Our esteemed GM had some issues tonight keeping the crowd under control, probably to do with the fact that he seems like a man under the spell of our uniformed guest…can somebody please tell him that drooling is not acceptable, even amongst a crowd of misfits such as we are! The highlight of circle tonight was the celebration of Ballpoint’s birthday…no details but he certainly got his twenty bucks’ worth tonight!!!

A total lack of imagination was shown by Fullershit in passing the Prick of the Week over to Nasty for no other reason that the poor bastard is called “Nasty”!! Lame, lame reason Mr Fullershit and again probably the result of being distracted by a couple of the fine “points” raised tonight JJ!!!

About half an hour into the circle proceedings, Moonbeams and Showpony started to whinge, bleating about it being past their bedtime…Moonbeams was heard to say “this is shit…my arse is getting sore…seen one pair you’ve seen them all “ (I wonder what he means??…does he mean a pair of guys up there getting “down-downs”??). Showpony agreed with him and said “yeah, fuck this, I’ve got to go home and worry about my sixth separation!!” (huh, is that six degrees of separation?).

Enough crap for now…that will do for a run report…don’t like it??? DILLIGAF!!

Signing off,

Your trusty substitute to the substitute to the scribe,

Fanny Charmer

Sir Rabbit was out and about  last weekend and recorded this video for your viewing pleasure. He reckons that our Grand Master needs singing lessons  LOL!!

Run: 1944

Date:2/2/2015

Location: Robina

Hares: Now Loved & Pile Driver

Runners:24

Its Monday again ….

The Run. A smaller crowd than usual gathered at a familiar spot, with promises of unfamiliar and new territory by Hare Now Loved. He explained the meaning of his three different arrows, with the extra one being LB, for Lazy Bastards. Then it was off North with several quick checks. The trail followed water meandering through Robina Town Centre, with clever markings keeping all away from the sight of the commercial centre. Eventually the waterside trail ended with a wire fence, under a bridge, where a FT forced the FRBs to back track. It was then westward through a Kentucky Chicken shop and a gradual left curve where a check led into some light scrub, then up over a grassed hill and a nice downhill cruise to Home. The group of Two Dogs, Blackie & Brewtis led the group in, only to observe Flasher already there. It was all over in 35-40 mins – a well-marked trail, with ample checks and some new countryside, for those who don’t run often. Well done Now Loved.

The Nosh was described as Kai See Ming, and looked like something you would feed refugees or those Polish ghetto residents during WW2. However it tasted rather nice and most went back for seconds. The following healthy fruit salad with top quality ice cream was also well received. Good effort Pile Driver.

The Circle. GM welcomed all, with his first question: was it really new countryside? The only “Yes “ he got was from a visiting hasher, last seen 4 years ago. And his response for the food was – although it looked like Chop Suey, it tasted very good. He then handed out DDs to:

The Visitors & Returner:      Iceman, Vomit, Blackie & Lord Geoff

New Naming: To a founding nameless member (& joint GM) now to be known Lord Geoff of Broadbeach.

Acting RA Ballpoint then took control and punished:

Splinter events –Truckie spilt aged and expensive wine which was provided by                          Botcho & Sir Rabbit. All 3 awarded.

– Botcho and Vomit for graffiti all over our beloved trailer.

– Blue Card for serious indecent proposals to Hash friend and                                        mascot Montana, followed with a second DD for wearing his  torch on his head in the circle.

Oz Day event – Pile Driver being held responsible for Cricket match being cancelled.

Election event – Rock Hard and Sir Rabbit for voting Labour and helping in the destruction of the LNP in Queensland

Useless Shirt. After a long diatribe by holder Ballpoint it was passed on to Sir Prince for reported very poor engineering of a collapsed House built on a Water tank, way back in his youth. Not true, claimed SPV.

Prick of the Week. Fuller Shit decided he needed more time to view all the DVDs so kept it for another week. To his surprise he copped the half yard!

Next Weeks Run. This is shaping up to something special with Ballpoint promising excellent food and a great run and other surprises, maybe, to celebrate his 50^th. He asked all to make a special effort to be there. Nerang Pony Club … check the web for more details.

Josephine closed the Circle at 8:50 PM.

BB, stand in for Flasher, who pointedly refused the GM’s plea for a stand-in scribe.