Date: 6/6/2016

Location: Miami

Hare:Slug

Hashers: 26

….and now for some non-fiction after last week’s fairy tale words!! Thanks for filling in for me Ballpoint, but you promised you’d actually turn up for the run to record events accurately….hmmm!!!

Well, tonight was a significant event as it was my last effort as your trusty scribe as next week it is the AGPU and it is all over red rover in my current role!! It’s been fun and all of that stuff…but on to the run……

Tonight was brought to you by none other than Slug, and in true form he set a cracker of a run according to those who did it…..more below…

The Run:

A hardy lot of runners turned up tonight on the windy shores of Miami beach, adjacent to the surf club and to be greeted by a pack of chanting backpackers whom I thought were invited guests to the hash, but it wasn’t to be…they were just some random weirdos who probably thought we were pretty bloody weird ourselves!

Anyway, soon after 6.15, off we all set, some on the run, but a decent number of us on the walk. The run, we were assured, was “long and interesting…about 7.5km”, to which many of us retorted with “fuck that…let’s just walk!”, which seems to be the normal reaction from a lot of us nowadays. Others, such as Missing Link, also reacted in this way, but decided to go off on his own mystery trail of about 4.00km and when questioned said “I wasn’t going to run 7.5km…I’m getting too old for shit like that…so I just ran down to Burleigh Surf Club and back…that will do me!”.

A whole heap of us set off in a southerly direction, following Slug’s instructions.. “those of you walking, just head towards Burleigh Surf Club and when you get tired just turn around and come back”…a significant number of us did that but I noticed that the closer we got to Burleigh, the fewer of us there were, until it ended up being just me, Rug, Sir Rabbit and Josephine who were anywhere to be seen!….the rest of the bludgers peeled off secretly and turned around….and we suspected that the lure of alcohol at North Burleigh Surf Club was just too enticing for the likes of Caustic and his crew!

The runners came back huffing and puffing and declaring that yes, it had indeed been a decent run….thanks therefore go to Slug on a good run/walk being set. Of course, with the coastal scenery to be had along this part of the coast, including views up to Surfers Paradise, you can’t go wrong…we do live in a wonderful part of the world!!

The Nosh:

Well, it just goes to show that the old adage is true…it’s the quick and the dead…by the time I got around to going over the food service area, there were no starters left to speak off and Hard Dick and myself had to pick through the remains of some corn chips that had been very generously left behind by the marauding hordes who had consumed everything in about 15 seconds flat. I do have it on good advice from some of the resident gluttons that the bikkies, guacamole, chipolatas and dipping sauce were very nice.

Mains was chicken schnitzel with roasted veges and ratatouille….some complained that there wasn’t enough but it was great and some of us went back for seconds of the veges and ratatouille, which is what was left. A great effort Slug!!….and thanks must also go to your helper, VD, who also slaved over a hot barbeque to assist in bringing us tonight’s delights.

Sweets consisted of an assortment of berries with dollops of ice cream…a nice ending to a fine nosh.

The Circle:

The GM opened proceedings by announcing that nominations for positions on the hierarchy are now closed and all positions have been oversubscribed, particularly those for the positions of booze-masters, which were heavily oversubscribed.

The run critique was provided by Botcho, who deemed it a good run and gave as his excuse for his tardiness…”I follow Hash traditions…no man left behind”…apparently staying back to help others find the way!! What a great bloke…cough, splutter, splutter!!  Josephine critiqued the walk…”a very nice walk”…and indeed it was, and he showed us his mum’s digs…a possible venue for a hash run perhaps??

Fullershit commented on the nosh…a very insightful and intellectually stimulating observation…”yeah, it was all ok!”…gee, thanks for the words of wisdom FoS!

First then out the front was Slug, our hare, followed in quck succession by his offsider tonight, VD, who was kitchen assistant. A well deserved down-down for your efforts guys.

Next out the front were Rock Hard and Blue Card, who came up with numerous lame excuses for failing to front on the bike ride on Friday morning…aww, too cold was it? Wimps!! Well, at least us road warrior wankers were out there in force, weren’t we Truckie and Missing Link??

Weekly our booze-master and refugee from Rotary, came out for a well deserved down-down for his 70^th birthday…and where were the $1 crownies??? This will not be forgotten!

Truckie then had to suffer the humiliation of drinking a down-down from his brand new shoes.

Next on the agenda…the Prick of the Week was passed by way of a proxy to Weekly from Blackstump and awarded to Ferrett, for something to do with trying to extort money for the AGPU.

Next week….the AGPU!!!!!!!!!!…remember….it is A TAILS AND FORMAL SHIRTS NIGHT!!!

That’s all for this week folks….AND OTHER THAN IF I EVER DO IT AS A STAND IN, it’s good bye from me as ON SEC!!

Fanny Charmer …

On Sec.

Run 2015 Pictures

Date: 30/05/2016

Location: Mudgeeraba

Hare:Sir AH

Hashers: 23

Well, as I write this I cannot help but feel like the proverbial Cheshire Cat, you know the one who gobbled all of the double cream, remembering another fantastic night of great hashing comradeship and….yes!!….superb tucker, no, (sorry!!!) food!!… If ever there was doubt in the past, there shouldn’t be any more: the gourmet is definitely back in the Hash…Sir AH delivered in absolute spades and then some. You are a hash genius mate, a stalwart worth his weight in gold. And that’s a helluva lot of gold….not that I’m having a go ‘bout your weight ole son, heaven forbid no. As for restoring our faith in our moniker “the gourmet hash” you did us proud. Thanks mate, we are so bloody grateful!

And lovely to see all them faces that don’t cum much, great to see you here fellas, really great! Trust the knee’s better Dicky Knee and oh, I almost forgot welcome back Iceman, we’ve missed you enormously!

The Run:

The pack of hardy hashers looked the most excited I have ever seen them tonight, anticipating another ‘ripper’ from one of  Hash’s greatest members. He certainly didn’t disappoint, telling the pack that: ”There’s something for everyone here. There’s bush if you want it or road if you prefer or other stuff if that’s what tickles your fantasy. You’ll get outta this as much as you are willing to put into it… Josephine gasped in horror: “Oh no, this is a f’*cking disaster, I don’t make any effort in whatever I do”. Poor Josephine. Now Loved (I think) put his arms around him and gave him a lovely man hug, which Josephine appreciated enormously.

We all set off at a great rate of knots. Blokes who hadn’t being seen running in many years were seen doing so tonight. Well done fellas, great effort and keep it up. The back streets of Mudgeeraba soon turned into bush and the enthusiasm in the pack lifted another notch (if that could be possible). Torches flashed aplenty and many of the hashers decided to voice their pleasure by regularly yelling On! On!  After about 500 metres, yours truly, who had started off with all good intentions of doing the whole run, started to get a little bit tired and so decided that I would bludge instead. The nail in my hash coffin was that humungous fence which, try as I might to squeeze underneath it (I’m too bloody fat let’s face it) or to scramble over it (too bloody high), I gave up and went back to the eski. I have no idea where all the others went, but I certainly did my very best and then promptly gave up.

As luck would have it, it seems that I wasn’t the only one who’d hoisted the white flag. Botcho and Co all had similar sentiments and had returned to base even before me (it made me feel so good that I wasn’t the laziest bugger in the pack). That HUGE fence was the topic of much complaint. Said Moonbeams: “I felt so good tonight, I was ready to do the whole run………. but for that HUGE fence, I reckon I would’ve too!

As those of us lazy bastards sat imbibing alcohol, the “serious” runners started to stream in, obviously having had a wonderful workout. There were no complaints only high fives and high praise that this was a fantastic run through virgin country blah blah blah. As always some hashers got lost (Can’t remember who exactly but I do believe Truck Tyres -doesn’t he always? Ha! Ha! Ha!) Others got lost too but sheepishly, they agreed that if they’d stayed on trail they probably wouldn’t have. Ha, ha, ha you silly Billys!!!

Apparently, the ever competitive Miss Carriage almost did himself a disastrous injury when trying to overtake some of the slower runners, yelling “extremely serious runner coming through!” as he pushed and shoved his way through….not noticing a smallish (one foot high) tree stump sticking out of the ground…lucky the cruets were not about two inches lower as he might have really bashed ‘em hard…as it was it appears that there was just sufficient clearance for no real harm to be done. Well done mate!

Weekly did the whole run and, in the circle, described it as “well marked…a good street run”.

The Nosh:

Starters …haha…we were being tricked into thinking tonight was going to be just ordinary dips and crackers but good ole Sir AH had another magnificent surprise for us: loads and loads of great tasting bits and pieces which the Hash just could not get enough of. Show Pony who loves nothing better than a big scoff stopped at 5 helpings: “I better leave a bit of room for mains and dessert otherwise I’ll make a bloody pig of meself” he said in all seriousness.

Mains was just as great: lashing of meats and beautifully cooked veges with copious amount of the most delicious gravy imaginable. Blokes who had never cooked anything bar a boiled were all scrambling for the recipe. I made a real guts of myself having 3 plates full. Mmmm, so nice!

I didn’t think I could eat dessert but I did and what a great decision it was too; I doubt that I’ve had a better dessert in all my hash life and combined with the most delicious cream and ice cream it was finger licking great! Come to think of it, if we plonked a pair of black framed glasses on his nose, you would all agree that there’s an uncanny resemblance between Sir AH and the Colonel. Maybe they are twin who knows?

In all, a bloody brilliant nosh and we were all very pleased with it… Congratulations Sir ArseHole for keeping up the standards of the Gourmet Hash!!!

The Circle:

The GM started proceedings with his usual requests for critiques of the nosh and the run. If you’ve read this far, you will have read the relevant comments above, so no need to repeat them here, but suffice to say that the hare, Sir ArseHole, came out for a well deserved down down on a great night.

Caustic and Blue Card were called out the front for a coupla downs. Not quite sure why, but highly deserved nonetheless.

Sir Slab was also called for a down to wild cheers: “His being doing it each and every week, he deserves a down each and every week” said Sir Rabbit.

Ferrett got a down but no-one quite knew why, particularly him. Still, in typical hash spirit, he took it like a man.

Miss Carriage did it again. Seeing that no-one would nominate him for a down, he self- nominated for “pulling funny faces at the hash camera”. Many on the hash reckon that it saves him buying from the bucket…

Prick of the Week….Sir Blackstump  didn’t bring it tonight…. since he didn’t bring hisself.

Iceman told a joke but no-one listened to him, poor Iceman. Welcome back mate, I listened even if no-one else did…..ungrateful so and sos.

Next week’s run…hare will be the GM hisself at Miami. Bring boardies and gundga. Which reminds me, I wont be here next week so…can I please request the OnSec back to do the words….please!!

Finally, a reminder, if you could all please start bringing in your $25 for the AGPU…and if you are one of the ones who has not done the requisite ten runs…it’s $50.

That’s all for this week folks

Chummy Farmer …

(Volunteer) On Sec.

Run 2014 Pictures

Well, as I write this I cannot help but have a smile on my face recalling a night of comraderie and….yes!!….great food!!…thank goodness, the gourmet is definitely back in the Hash…Jigsaw, you are to be thanked for restoring our faith in our moniker “the gourmet hash”. It was nice to see the likes of Arse-Up and Phantom tonight…irregular attendees but always welcomed with open arms…and nice to see that Dicky Knee is looking like becoming a regular, as is Sweathog (look for your photo on the rogues’ gallery!!)…oh, and welcome back Iceman!

The Run:

The 25 hashers tonight were spooked at the start when Jigsaw announced “I hope you’ve all got your mobiles with location turned on because this is going to be another GPS run!!”….”oh no!” we all gasped in horror as some of us had memories of that particular debacle about a year ago when we all wandered around the backstreets of Sorrento and Benowa, hopelessly lost and bewildered.

“I’m only kidding guys, it’s a standard run…it’s all on chalk..there’s no water to keep to your left or rght..in fact if you see water at all, it means you’re hopelessly lost!” and as we were shown the direction, off we all headed into the back streets of Benowa. After about 500 metres, yours truly, who had started off with all good intentions of doing the whole run, started to get shin pains so decided that I would do a very brisk walk with Ferrett. I have no idea where all the other walkers went, but Ferrett and I certainly followed arrows until we got sick of walking then headed back.

Ferrett and I were in fact the first ones back to base and shortly after in rolls Josephine who said “bloody hell, I thought I was the worst shortcutter tonight!!”….no, we outdid you tonight mate!! .

As those of us lazy bastards sat imbibing alcohol, the “serious” runners started to stream in, obviously having had a decent workout. There were no complaints that this was a run through well-trodden and familiar areas….and there were compliments for Jigsaw having gone out on his bike to sweep the trail and keep people on trail but no matter how hard he tried, yep, there were some hashers who got lost…with Miscarriage, Brewtus and Blackstump running straight through the false trail…apparently Arse-Up had something to do with that!

Missing Link did the whole run and in circle described it as “well marked…a good street run”.

The Nosh:

Starters …haha…we were being tricked into thinking tonight was going to be ordinary as dips and crackers came out and Jigsaw said “eat heaps guys because there’s not much mains…in fact here it comes now…as he laid out platters of salmon on thinly cut bread rolls. “That’s all there is guys, eat up!”….but of course this was more trickery on the part of Jigsaw, who then proceeded to unwrap some lovely pork which was served up with fennel, broccoli, and baked apples, along with some dollops of mash…boy, this is living!! Of course there always have to be detractors, don’t there?….in this case Josephine, who in circle said “jeez, all I got on my plate was a heap of rocket and broccoli…I come to Hash to get away from shit like that!”

Dessert consisted of vanilla slice sandwiched between those lovely Arnott’s lattice biscuits that I grew up with, combined with what Jigsaw described as “gourmet icecream”.

In all, a bloody brilliant nosh and we were all very pleased with it…thanks Jigsaw for keeping up the standards of the Gourmet Hash!!!

The Circle:

The GM started proceedings with his usual requests for critiques of the nosh and the run. If you’ve read this far, you will have read the relevant comments above, so no need to repeat them here, but suffice to say that the hare, Jigsaw, came out for a well deserved down down on a great night.

Arse-Up was called out the front to answer for the fuck up on the run where he apparently has been blamed for getting several hashers off course!

Caustic was called out the front to get two shirts that were brand new and had his picture and those of last year’s hierarchy..who else would want to bloody wear them!!

Oh, and on the subject of shirts and other such things…thank you Sir Rabbit (Hasherdashery) for bringing along two bags of hash gear for us to try on and take as needed…hey, we managed to offload more than one large bag!! A good effort!!

Miscarriage, a sucker for punishment, self nominated for a charge tonight….does there need to be a reason??…of course not.

Prick of the Week….can you believe the tale spun by Sir Blackstump for not bringing it tonight???….”I thought I’d let Helen take it to Hash on Thursday!!”…..what??? ….me reckons he just forgot it!!

Iceman told a joke about walking down the street and talking to random people, telling them about what he’d had for dinner, showing them photos of places he’d been to….basically a pisstake of Facebook…right, you’re being defriended on Facebook!!

Next week’s run…hare will be Sir Arseole and it will be in Mudgeeraba….oh, and that reminds me….I will be at a conference in Redcliffe next week…can I please have a volunteer to do the words….please!!

Finally, a reminder, if you could al please start bringing in your $25 for the AGPU…and if you are one of the ones who has not done the requisite ten runs…it’s $50.

That’s all for this week folks

Fanny Charmer …

On Sec.

Run 2013 Pictures

Date:16/05/2016

Location:Varsity Lakes

Hares: Rock Hard

Hashers: 24

Tonight was…well, not like last week, was it??? We went from an attendance of 44 last week to a measly 24 hardy souls this week, all gathered on the grassy knoll in the middle of Azzure Island in Varsity Lakes, which was bloody hard to find in the dark! Speaking of the dark, we basically remained in this condition until we all came back from the run/walk, by which time we had the semblance of lighting around the main table and food prep area, but more on that later.

The Run:

The hare tonight was Rock Hard and one of the comments about the run was “did he set the run from inside a fucking helicopter?? Those fucking marks were at least 300metres apart!!”…and this was in relation to the street markings…in the bush, we were on our own, with the only clues being the instructions in the run briefing…”just keep the water to your left”….but of course, with all the water around us, this was not possible all of the time. The run was somewhat confusing at times and Missing Link and I were certainly saved from hours in the wilderness by Blackstump and Bent Banana, who were generally about 100 metres in front of us and periodically yelling out “on on” and flashing their torches back at us. Thanks for that guys, you were lifesavers!!

Josephine started out with great intentions but when he came to the end of the out-trail for the walk, he decided he’d had enough and turned back. Somebody got a lot more lost tonight than anybody else, that person being our esteemed GM, Rug, who came back to base about half an hour after everybody else. Fortunately this run did not turn into the Hash debacle that was the run by Miscarriage from the dog park at Carrara.

In all, not a bad run, not a good run….just a run!

The Nosh:

Starters – cheese and bikkies…what else can I say???

Mains – cold chicken, beetroot, Tomato, lettuce (lots of fucking lettuce) and buttered rolls…that’s it!

Dessert – several cheesecakes straight from the antique chilly bin…no custard, no ice-cream, no cream, no frills!!

The Circle:

Tonight’s circle was certainly a low key affair…run critique from Bent Banana…”boring at first..and I heard someone call Rock Hard a lazy cunt!”…and Josephine said “not eventful at all!”…well, hey, it was a run and it beats sitting in front of the goggle box on a Monday night!!

Sir Blackstump was asked to critique the nosh….”thank goodness there were no visitors tonight…it would have been embarrassing!”

Prick of the Week…passed from Rock Hard to Sir Blackstump…and that fellow hashers just about sums up tonight.

The highlight of the evening??? Sir Rabbit (Hasherdashery) having fun measuring us all up for the surprise giveaways at the AGPU!!

With that, Josephine brought the evening to a close with his rendition of “end of circle”.

Finally, a reminder, if you could al please start bringing in your $25 for the AGPU…and if you are one of the ones who has not done the requisite ten runs…it’s $50.

That’s all for this week folks

Fanny Charmer …

On Sec.

Run 2012 Pictures