Date: 7/9/2015

Location: Broadbeach

Hare: Ferrett

       Runners:32

 

Tonight we had another “city run”….thanks to it being Ferrett’s birthday bash….so here we were in the wilds of central Broadbeach, with a run and walk guaranteed to have lots of bush and shiggy!! Not so funny actually as you will read later on…..

The Run:

We were all gathered at the northern end of Kurrawa Park tonight and present also was Caustic Crusader, who informed me that he was actually here spying on behalf of the newly formed southern Hash, aka “The REAL Gourmet Hash”, taking notes on how NOT to run a hash! Indeed…the audacity of the man!! He further informed me that there were five blokes running the southern Hash tonight and that we had better lift our game as there were likely to be many more defectors if this hash keeps degenerating in its already pathetic standard!!…apparently “numbers are growing!”. An old adage comes to mind…never let the facts get in the way of a good story!

 I have been given some feedback that the words are too long at times…so….here goes….the run description…fuck knows, because I didn’t do it and I couldn’t be stuffed asking anybody what it was like and as I walked tonight, who gives a toss about the run anyway???

The walk was a splendiferous one indeed, and in fact it did have all the elements that one would not expect to find in a city walk…there was shiggy, thanks to the construction site at Jupiter’s Casino, there was bush, again thanks to Jupiters, who have lovely overgrown tropical gardens which we had to traverse as we exited the construction zone where we shouldn’t have been in the first place and the company of my fellow walkers was lively and entertaining. We took turns leading the walk and Weekly even took a turn as chief marshall of the walkers at one stage.

For a night done “solo” by Ferrett with no helpers, it was a good walk…the run?…..care factor?…zero!! But I must add the comment by Josephine….”it seems we only did this run last week!!” and somebody came up with the response..”why waste perfectly good arrows!!”

The Nosh:

For his birthday nosh Ferrett provided us with a feast, a veritable feast!! For a warm up there were FREE CROWNIES….when he found out about this, Hard On was heard to say..”fuck, you mean I just paid for the free beer??”

Entrée consisted of a giant bowl of dip….the thick bits were down the bottom, and the top was a bit, well…sloppy would describe it adequately. The corn chips were nice, but the carrot and celery slivers (for those of on the SRS diet) were much appreciated…and those mini Roma tomatoes were very sweet indeed.

Mains consisted of a quite mild beef vindaloo with dahl and rice. Dessert were three birthday cakes…Happy Birthday FERRETT!!!

 The Circle:

The GM has re-appeared!!!…and immediately brought the hare Ferrett out the front for birthday wishes and a well deserved down-down for a great nosh and a decent run and walk. All done with no help. Onya Ferrett!

Brewtus described the run as “a good street run and a great sprint down the beach!”.

The other birthday victims were hauled out the front…Fullershit and Jigsaw and they were interrogated as to their discourtesy in not providing free Crownies for their fellow Hashmen…and with Weekly observing “we’ll have Crownies until well into next year!”…assuming that the birthday lads actually get around to complying with traditional customs.

Our esteemed RA brought several hashers out the front in quick succession on several well justified charges, including VD for being brainless, errr…sorry…hat-less!, KB for coming to the hash solely with the intention of spying for the renegade southern Hash, and Lurch being dragged out the front just so he could stay awake during proceedings!

The Useless shirt went from Brewtus to…of course, you guessed it…yet again…TRUCKIE!!…and of course to make things worse for himself, he kept his hat on during the down-down and copped another one…how many times have you been dragged out the front Truckie?? You’d think he’d learn by now.

Prick of the Week went to Arse-Up this week. Why? So he attends next week!!

Notable by his absence yet again this week was Miscarriage and of course Sir Prince Valiant had yet another interesting tale to tell of yet another Miscarriage debacle…this time to do with screwing up some flight bookings! I’d hate to see what he does once dementia starts to set in if he is doing all this as a relatively young bloke with an allegedly sound mind!

The GM ended the circle with a reminder that the night of the 28^th September, being the knighting of several hashers, will be a REAL EXTRAVANZA…medieval attire will be compulsory, and it will be $20.00 for “the works”!!

Next week’s run…yawn, yawn….a BTB (that’s “back to basics”) run in yawn, yawn…Len Fox Park at Labrador.

On On

Fanny Charmer

On-Sec

This Week’s Run Pictures

Date: 31/8/2015

Location: Surfers Paradise

Hare: Missing Link & The wobblys

       Runners:32

Tonight’s run was in totally virgin territory, starting from Cascade Gardens on the Gold Coast Highway, a location from which we had never run before….ha ha ha ha!!!…only kidding guys!!! In actual fact, this is one of our more familiar “city runs” and as promised by our hare, Missing Link, “this is mostly on the street guys, with just a little bit of park down through Cascade Gardens”. Given that Missing Link had come back from Thailand just to be able to do this run for us, who were we to complain?? Besides, it also meant that some of us could actually walk to the run site from home and not worry about how much we drank tonight…you bewdie!!!!

The Run:

At 6.15 on the button, we all set off, runners and walkers alike. The walkers were spoilt tonight, with the option of three runs, depending on ow far they wanted to go…. “walk 1 is up in that direction to the tavern at Crowne Plaza, if you want to walk a bit longer, no.2 is to the Broadbeach Bowls Club and if you really want a decent walk, no.3 is to the Kurruwa Surf Club!!”. The runners set off in a northerly direction through Cascade Gardens, then east, then west, then south, zig-zagging every which way through the gardens and of course, being familiar territory, most of the runners knew where to shortcut to avoid the wiggly bits, but your trusty scribe decided that he would stick with the hare and followed all the arrows! Finally out we emerged onto the Gold Coast Highway after what seemed like an eternity running the paths of Cascade Gardens. Lurch, who was running with yours truly and Missing Link, asked how far away from the start we were now and Missing Link said “oh, about 400 metres, if that!!”….gotta love these city runs!!

Off we went around the back of the Convention Centre, past the casino, up Bermuda Street, right at which point Missing Link said “there’s a few twists and turns up and down a few of those streets, but we might as well go straight up” due to the fact that yours truly had to walk a fair bit due to a dodgy leg muscle and Missing Link taking consideration of this handicap. Pretty soon we were back at the start, being some of the last to come in!! There certainly must have been a lot of shortcutting going on!!.This was confirmed by Botcho…”I did a bit of a shortcut towards the end”…..as did everybody else from the size of the early-arrival crowd!

The Nosh:

The nosh tonight was courtesy of the Warriors Premier Cycling Troupe, specifically Jigsaw, BlueCard and VD with assistance from Phantom who provided the exquisite fresh bread with lashings of butter! Great effort guys, with entrée of pumpkin soup, mains of pasta with seafood bisque and dessert of fruit salad with plain custard or a lovely brandy custard. Everybody was so busy hoeing into the food that not a whisper was heard from anybody for a really long time…Botcho accurately observed that “it’s all quiet now that the nose bag has gone on!!” and of course Missing Link piped up with one of my favourite sayings..”this is what we came here for!!”…indeed!

 The Circle:

The circle was around the Rotary circle, which made it easy for the motley group to stay in a circle! The GM was announced by the RA to be missing in action somewhere overseas…probably a special assignment for the secret service, but we’ll never know, will we??

First out the front was Missing Link to be commended for his run and walk…”a good walk” commented Weekly and “a good run” commented Iceman…gee, we’re all getting imaginative in our old age!

The three chefs and the bread butterer were all called out the front for a down-down..well done Jigsaw, BlueCard, VD and Phantom…just shows how the well-oiled Warrior machine can work!

Next out the front were our returning runners…Latrine, Ferrett and Swindler…Latrine has been everywhere except here, Ferrett has been on some strange car rally out the back of nowhere and Swindler has been in Java doing some volcano-watching at very close range. Missing Link was also called out again and suitably commended for making the effort to come back from Thailand to set this run

At this point, the Acting GM handed proceedings over to himself in his normal role of RA…and immediately called Colonel Klink out on a charge…for wearing a poofter scarf, which could be mistaken for a Khmer Rouge scarf or one of the Hash’s missing tea towels.

Next to suffer a charge were Botcho, Flasher and Jigsaw for blatant shortcutting…quite frankly I think the whole motley crew should have been out the front..surely everyone did some shortcutting tonight!!

Phantom called to the front to describe an incident where he was out riding peacefully on his bicycle when some “old bloke” in a 4wd suddenly started tooting at him…apparently Phantom “went off like a cracker” with abuse, only to find that it was none other than Truckie in the 4wd!! Oh dear…poor old Truckie gets called out the front for yet another down-down!

Ferrett’s frivolous charge against Circumference for some vague “parking infringement” was resoundingly rejected by the crowd so Ferrett had to take the down-down..hahaha!!

The Useless Shirt was passed tonight from Blackie to Brewtus who in fact is one of the more useful members of our hash…geez, let’s not upset him too much…the minute we give the youngsters a bit of stick they seem to disappear off the planet!!

Maggs, a foundation member who now runs a motel in Narranderra NSW was called out on a charge for whingeing about the cask wine.

Blackie gets our good wishes for the World Veterans’ Triathlon in Chicago..good luck!

Missing Link called out the front YET again..this time for letting his brother Colonel Klink have his mobile phone which was then used for the purpose of harassing Sir Prince Valiant.

The Prick of the Week was happlly passed from Josephine to Jigsaw, for the offence of switching plaques on the “worst run of the year” trophy to the “best run of the year” trophy…truly abhorrent compared to the antics of the other two contenders, Bent Banana and Shat.

A special thanks for Moonbeams from yours truly for doing the words last week when I was absent in Melbourne.

On On

Fanny Charmer

On-Sec

This Weeks Run Pictures

Date: 24/8/2015

Location: Tugun

Hare: Now Loved & Moonbeams

       Runners: 27

 The Run (run write up courtesy Bent Banana)…..

Following hare Now Loved’s clear instructions, about 26 apprehensive hounds headed east out the park and quickly turned left, then west up the road to the hills and bush in the distance. It was up and up and up, with youngsters Rug and Dogs leading the pack and the more elderly Botcho & Flasher close behind.

It was then a sharp right turn along a private resident’s side yard and into open grasslands. The trail eventually led on to a smart check, with the FRBs following the obvious path, which lead to a long check back and achieved its purpose by getting the pack together again.

There were several more checks along what was an interesting and well marked trail through the bush. It was eventually down some steps and on to the bitumen road, followed by another steep hill then a fast jog home, with young Brewtus leading the way. It was a quick and short run and the general feeling was the Hare could have taken advantage of the bushlands and extended the run to more than its 30 mins.

 The On On (write up courtesy fill in Scribe, Moonbeams) …..

Following the previous week’s On On in the dark, chair-less, table-less confines of the Southport dog park, the pack appeared pleased to see the welcoming lights of the trailer and the chairs and tables laid out ready well in advance. There was also a pleasant aroma emanating from the large pot that Moonbeams was reheating on the gas ring.

After the mandatory pre dinner drinks provided icy cold by our trusty and reliable booze masters Weekly and Brewtus,

[jwplayer mediaid=”7864″]

the pack soon lined up and were served a traditional spicy beef curry prepared by Moonbeams embellished with salads of various varieties, steamed rice and Turkish bread. This was followed by Tugun airport themed “Aeroplane” jelly and ice cream provided by Now Loved.

Altogether great nosh was the general consensus. The GM noted “A lot of TLC went into making that curry. It is definitely food to die for.”

 The Circle ……

The hares were offered a down down each and also Blackie was called into the centre for running his own run well away from the marked trail. He was heard mumbling something about having to keep himself safe for his next world senior’s triathlon event that is coming up soon.

Bent Banana’s run comment was that the run was good and well set albeit far too short (well inside the allotted 60 minutes.) Fulla Shite gave the thumbs on behalf of the walkers as well.

The visitors were called into the circle by GM Rug and they included Moonshine (son of Moonbeams, visiting from Sydney), Colonel Klink (brother of the Missing Link). Also called in were Ex GM KB and ex RA Caustic who unashamedly announced that his excuse for not attending the previous week was because he was setting up a new southern chapter of the Gourmet hash.

RA two Dogs then took over from the GM with the news that 10% (or in numerical numbers, three) of the GCH3 were cheating on their wives, and who are you? Josephine was nominated as a likely culprit and was offersed a down down in reparation for his sins.

Truckie was hauled in and asked why the trailer was not on hand the previous week. His explanation of a sheared pin was not readily accepted by Blackie who noted that this section of the trailer should last a lifetime. True, but there is always the Truckie factor. Sir Prince reprimanded Truckie and noted that he had gone within an inch of losing his job of looking after the trailer on behalf of holidaying hierarchy members Link and Aussie.

POTW holder Flasher announced that he had just 2 candidates, Caustic and Josephine. Josephine was announced the winner but it was a close decision. Flasher then had to drink a down down for saying the “C” word in front of Cappa (Botcho’s wife who was giving him a lift home) at the previous Friday’s Splinter lunch. Very poor form, Flasher. It was also announced by Flasher that Pizza has asked to be taken off the GCH3 list of members. All in favour: Aye. Action: Botcho.

Acting trail master Jigsaw called for volunteers for next week’s hare. An anonymous hound commented “Would it be asking too much for the current Committee to step up and fill in for once?”

The Useless shirt was awarded to Blackie for being so precious as to run his own “safe” run instead of following trail.

Chief booze master Weekly complained that his income stream from booze sales was below expectations and that the culprit/s better fix it up (or else, and we know who you are).

Moonbeams called “End of Circle.” Me thinks a pretty good night was had by all.

 This weeks picture gallery

Date: 17/8/2015

Location: Southport

Hare: Truck Tyres & Jigsaw

       Runners: 27

Tonight’s run was a joint effort between Truck Tyres and Jigsaw and started from an obscure location called “Ward Park” and indicated as being in Nyora Street, Southport. Yours truly was the first to arrive, quickly followed by the booze masters and Sir Slabb and all of us wondering “is this where we’re supposed to be??”. Sure enough, cars then started streaming into the street as darkness descended upon us and we all wondered if the neighbours were going to be upset with all the noise that we would create as the night progressed. As the time drew nearer, poor Jigsaw started to stress as to the whereabouts of his co-hare, who had turned up at 4.00pm or so to mark the run, but forgetting the Hash Trailer back at his house in Burleigh Waters!! Oops, slight oversight there Truckie!! Back he went to get it, only to then inform Jigsaw by text that there would be no trailer as some coupling or other had been sheared off!! Oh dear, a real debacle in the making but more on that one later.

The Run:

At 6.30 or thereabouts, with no Truckie anywhere to be seen, it was left to the remaining hare, Jigsaw to see us all off… “head up that way I think…and be careful, because he’s set it through a school, despite having been warned off the place this afternoon when he was out marking the run, you might get shot at when you try and go through it!”. Off we all headed, runners and walkers, straight up a pretty hefty incline, meaning that we hadn’t warmed up at all and yours truly did something to his leg which necessitated aborting the run fairly early on and going with the walkers. Before that happened, Hot Dick was heard to say “you know, this isn’t bad for the middle of Southport” as we traipsed through virgin bushland.

The run did have a good variety of street and bush, particularly given that we were in the middle of suburbia and the bit of the walk that I did was also quite acceptable…some of us commenting “these are nice streets”…and Circumference observing “yes, this is how it all was in the 70’s”, lamenting the transformation of the Gold Coast to a place where everybody now puts up wanky McMansions.

The Nosh:

Back to base we all came and as we had no trailer and no chairs, this was going to be an entirely “stand up” event. Thank goodness for Weekly’s ute, which served many purposes tonight, including luggage storage, booze table, kitchen prep area and servery, not to mention being the only bloody thing to lean on in the whole park!! Oh, and the dog shit…Weekly had managed to step into the biggest, smelliest dog turd in the whole park (it’s an off the leash dog walking park) and the whole area around his ute smelled disgusting for ages!!.

Yours truly then observed “hey, it’s now starting to rain!” only to be informed by a fellow Hasher “that’s not rain, it’s bat’s piss…they’re all nesting above us!”…great site selection Jigsaw!! When asked to explain he said “well I looked it up on Google maps, we’ve never been here before and it looked good to me…there’s supposed to be a toilet block (there wasn’t) and all sorts of amenities (there weren’t)”. Oh well, we were all here, amongst good company, with good beer and half-decent wine to be had…who cares about the smell of dog turds and the bat piss raining down on us!

Poor old Jigsaw was starting to fret about the fact that there was no trailer, meaning no facilities for heating up the mains…oh dear…and the non-existent amenities meant no bbq to use instead. This was going to be interesting….but in the face of adversity, Jigsaw managed to pull it off wonderfully!!……….

First course was some absolutely lovely dips…olive tepanade, basil pesto and beetroot…gotta give it to Jigsaw…he does bonza dips!! Yours truly nearly missed out on the vegetable pakoras that were snuck out when I wasn’t looking…they were brilliant!…with a coriander and mushroom dip to top them off…..by now we were all thinking “hey, this isn’t too bad at all you know, and who gives a toss if we have to stand up!”

….hmmm…by now it’s 7.30 and still no Truckie!

By now Jigsaw has resigned himself to the fact that a debacle is unfolding before his very eyes but he needn’t have worried. All of a sudden there appears the most colourful bowl of salad with capsicums, olives and all manner of goodies piled on and a bag of green leaf lettuce into which Jigsaw then pours copious amounts of Balsamic vinegar dressing with added Sherry and shakes it all about to mix it..voila!!! a perfect salad is made. Next a pot of chicken, chorizo, chickpeas, Fetta and olives appears! The masses all line up and all is good!! But wait there’s more, and it ain’t steak knives….some nice slice to tempt our palates, along with fruit salad that most of us drowned in a custard sauce very heavily laden with Brandy…. “don’t let that go near an open flame!!” . To quote Now Loved.. “does it get any better than this???” Considering the obstacles he faced, Jigsaw excelled at the food and Truckie’s run-setting wasn’t all that shabby either! A good effort guys…a debacle averted by the skin of its teeth!!

The Circle:

The GM commenced proceedings by calling the hares out to the front and pointing out that they had very generously hosted tonight at short notice, being stand-in hares…so despite all the piss-takes, particularly at Truckie’s expense, this is not to be forgotten. Thank guys and a well deserved down-down. When asked if anybody could say something kind about the run, Iceman blurted out… “It was lovely..just lovely, I enjoyed the extra few kilometres, I really did!”…you sick bastard!!

Miscarriage commented “the markings were too far apart…in fact, overall it was very poorly marked!”. The walkers were asked for their summation of the walk to which Now-Loved gleefully responded.. “it was great..we had a live hare (Jigsaw)…and we rarely get such a fine group of sportsmen (the runners) weaving in and out!” due to the fact that the run crossed the walk several times…very clever markings Truckie, or did we just meander aimlessly on the walk and happen to keep bumping into the runners???

Sir Prince Valiant commented “Jigsaw was so relaxed…he’s to be congratulated on the contingency plan and the use of the ‘virtual trailer’!!”….and whilst SPV had our undivided attention, he recounted that after last week’s run, there he was lying in bed when he thought he’d let go of a “little zephyr of wind” when all of a sudden the dog across the road started barking and the Princess had long since left the room in disgust…onya SPV!!!!….and all praise to Sir Rabbit’s soup last week for having the desired effect on at least one of us!

Next item of circle business…would all Hashmen please watch that they put in booze money for what they drink…an audit reveals there is some degree of minor discrepancy between the drinks gone and the drinks paid for.

On to RA business and needless to say out the front came Flasher (yawn, yawn, yet again!)…this time he cops a down-down for falsely accusing Josephine of fucking up the run last week….it was all due to the idiotic idea of the Wednesday hash to go out and mark their trail overlapping ours on Monday afternoon! Who in their right mind marks a Wednesday trail on a Monday and especially knowing that we run on a Monday night and they might just be our markings out there??? Bent Banana also got a Down-Down for false accusations of a similar nature.

Sir Rabbit copped a down-down for last week’s soup (bloody lovely it was, all five courses of it!)…the charge should have been for thinking that six bananas was enough sweets for thirty blokes!!

Croc (welcome back old son!) copped a down-down for nearly being killed by the plane that came down over the Coombabah Wetlands while he was out on a bike ride!

Sir Slab called to front and centre and presented with a handkerchief by the RA…to remind him of how bloody vicious these things can be when they get tangled in the rear derailleur of a $7000 carbon fibre bicycle…from frame to shame in one easy lesson! The down-down was dual purpose…good on you for forgetting Freddie’s sleeping bag on the Simpson’s Desert tour!! Gift to the GM from Sir Slab…a bottle of beer that has been to all four corners of the continent by the sounds of it…and survived!

Down-Downs also for the birthday boys…happy birthday GM and Sir Slab!!!

The Useless Shirt made it’s way from its normal bearer to….Now Loved for bailing out of the Hash Relay Team with a useless excuse…comment by Weekly.. “what’s fucking useless, you or the shirt?”

 Prick of the Week…from RockHard to Flasher…for thinking RH’s Hash bag was a bin bag into which beer bottles ought to be deposited!! Sir Rabbit adjudicated this dubious reason and determined that it was good enough…and on this point whatever happened to our yard glass for POW down-downs??????????????

Several other issues were raised but they won’t be mentioned and they pale into insignificance compared to the disturbing news that Caustic and KB are not here tonight because they are having a meeting to plan a splinter Hash for the southern end of the Gold Coast!!! This is truly disturbing news gents!!!

That’s it for now guys….oh, and your trusty scribe is in Melbourne next week so Moonbeams has graciously offered to do the words.

On On

Fanny Charmer…On-Sec

This Week’s Pictures