Author Archives: Botcho

Run 1994

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Run 1994

Run: 1994

Date: 18-01-2016

Location: Burleigh Heads

Hares:Head Job & Caustic

Runners: 30

Well, here we are, getting back into another year of fine hashing and tonight was not a disappointment at all, with a fine evening of running, walking, nosh and frivolity provided to you by your hares Headjob (nosh) and Caustic (run/walk) and the run being from the Marjorie Saint Henry Park in Tabilban Avenue and then heading off into the wilds of Burleigh Ridge Park.

The Birthday Boy:

It’s appropriate to acknowledge at the start of this diatribe that tonight we were very generously supplied with “birthday crownies” by the birthday boy, Slug, who is now 60…and still one of the youngest of our group if the truth be known…congratulations Slug on this milestone and thanks for the Crownies, which due to royal decree, are charged out at $1.00 a beer.

The run:

As we all managed to make our way from the carpark into the clearing in the bush where it was all to happen that night and after we had all sprayed up so as to not get eaten alive by the mozzies, we were all called to order by the GM and then Caustic, who provided a run briefing…. “listen up you dickheads that are running…you’re starting off with a walk…straight up the ridge behind me….then the run starts…now piss off in that direction!”

which we all dutifully did, huffing and wheezing and puffing up the ridge, telling ourselves “it’s going to be as hard as the run the prick set from here last year!”..despite assurances from Caustic that it was only going to be around 6 kilometres, unlike last year’s effort which was around 10 kilometres.

At the top of the ridge we were all stunned into bewilderment s the toilet paper markings ran out, there was no flour in sight, no nothing actually…many of us uttering “what the fuck do we do now?” as the more sprightly amongst us went in every direction checking for markings…nothing!…bloody nothing in any direction!….until our younger runner, Sorry, came out of the bush declaring… “there’s an “on back to home” up and over the ridge, so it must be over there somewhere..

.why don’t we run it backwards and see where we go?”…some of the less rebellious amongst the group said “no, no, no, the rules say that you go back to the last check when you can’t find the trail and in this case it’s back to the start!” …..bloody goody-two shoes wimps!!!   Back they went…and you know who you are!!!  The rest of us unanimously declared… “fuck that…let’s do it in reverse” and to the cries of “no no” (get it, “on on” in reverse) off we headed, following the arrows in the wrong direction. It was a real crack up, and Sorry found it really funny, saying that this is the first time he had experienced this as he gleefully yelled “no no” at each arrow!  Yours truly was one of a pack of four, being Elvis,Circumference and Link and we were intermittently joined by other “no no’ers” including our esteemed RA, Two Dogs who also did the run in reverse. Despite this typical Hash debacle, we had a good run, clocked by me at 3.37 kilometres, and given the hills, not too shabby.

Of course, upon return to base camp, we were greeted with derision from Caustic who called us all a pack of “short-cutting bastards!”….seems that this was somewhat accurate as about an hour later those who had done the full run came back in wheezing and puffing as we all sat around enjoying Slug’s birthday Crownies.

The Nosh:

Tonight’s nosh was brought to you by Headjob….what a welcome back this was….hasn’t been to Hash for yonks and gets lumbered with setting a run this early in the year…and didn’t he step up to the plate in fine fashion….in true BTB (that’s Back to Basics by the way) style, nibblies consisted of corn chips in abundant quantities…no dips, no cheese, no tomato dip…corn chips and nothing else!! Brilliant!!

Mains consisted of baked potatoes and beef casserole and/or Thai chicken curry and virtual rice that could have been so good if it had been there, according to Sir Two Dogs and Kitchen Bitch, our resident haute-cuisine hasher.

For sweets we had the choice of chocolate or caramel sponge cake from that fine bakery, maison du Coles Supermarket, with lashings of pressurised artificial cream. A fine effort Headjob…thanks for your efforts and I am sure that we all enjoyed your offerings.

The Circle:

Firstly, a big welcome back to Kitchen Bitch, who is nowadays rarely able to grace us with his presence due to the pressures of work….the other two workers in the Hash sympathise with you KB, we really do!! Next on the agenda was Iceman giving a run description of the reverse run (the “no no” run) and a fine run it was apparently.

Miscarriage then came out the front and proudly boasted about doing the actual run in the right direction, to which he was soon told by one and all to stick it up his arse and put a sock in it…talk about being full of yourself!!…but seriously, good effort!

Nasty critiqued the nosh, saying that it tasted like chicken and observing that Headjob’s rationing was certainly tough at first!

Next out the front was young Slug, for a rousing rendition by all of us of “Hashie birthday, fuck you!”….congratulations again!

Brewtus came out for a presentation of a very small T-shirt for our youngest Hasher, William Henry. Nice to hear he is doing well and we are all looking forward to his first circle appearance.

Next out the front to describe a MASSIVE DEBACLE was Weekly…you will all recall that last week, our resident pyromaniac, Swollen Colon, was letting off crackers and smoke bombs left, right and centre, including lobbing one straight into the booze bucket. Well, all the money in the bucket was damaged, with the coins all being blackened and requiring scrubbing before banking and all the notes being burnt, some worse than others…two $20.00 notes were so badly burnt that the bank refused to take them!!! They will now have to go the Reserve Bank and even then there is no guarantee that they will be honoured by the bank….basically there goes $40.00 quite literally up in smoke!!

Swollen Colon will be getting an invoice from the Hash!!….some smart arse suggested that Weekly should have taken the coins to a coin laundry…hahaha.

Over to the RA for his lot and he proceeded to tell us that Flasher had been intending to come to Hash tonight but he fell over his cat and hurt his back…to which Miscarriage quipped that this would not be the first time a Hasher has missed Hash due to an incident with a pussy!!cat_flasher

Next out the front for his share of abuse was Sir Prince Valiant…yet again making his way into the newspaper, this time being featured as one of the stalwarts of the Miami Beach community for no reason other than that he and the Princess have been there since soon after the colonisation of Queensland!

Another victim out the front..Showpony, resplendent in his Prick of the Week hat which he’d been wearing all night…he called several of us out as contenders but luckily we were all able to step back out as the intended recipient did not turn up tonight (could it be Flasher, I wonder) and he thus keeps it for another week.

Weekly was called out on a charge by Miscarriage for getting a perm done to give him curly hair…very becoming of you Weekly and don’t listen to the criticism from those balding idiots!! At least you have hair to curl….and thus the night came to an end…of course only after Miscarriage had the pleasure of hearing his own voice again over some incident with the Phuket hash. Thus formal proceedings were called to an end by none other than Moonbeams.

Oh, almost forgot…our new regular attendee, Elvis, had to leave early due to his wife being sick…sorry to hear!

That’s all folks!!

Fanny Charmer

On Sec.

RUN PICTURE GALLERY

Run 1993

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Run 1993

Run: 1993

Date: 4-01-2016

Location: MacIntosh Island, Surfers Paradise

Hares:Shat

Runners: 32

I cannot do anything other than start tonight’s words with the following…

 WELCOME BACK SHOWPONY!!!!…..I am sure that we are all pleased to have you back where you belong, amongst your Hash friends…it is great to have you back!! Also great to see one of our other stalwarts, whom we know has not been travelling too well of late..Moonbeams…also great to have you back!

 The Run:

 Tonight we all gathered at the usual bbq shelter at MacIntosh Park in the middle of Surfers Paradise, a well known and dare I say, well loved venue for a hash run. The hare tonight, Shat, always seems to come up with interesting variations for his central Surfers runs…I recall that we once did a run where there were no markings, just a couple of pages of photos of landmarks as the checks and that was good fun. Tonight there was a slight variation…five envelopes were handed out (secretly) to various runners who were basically all being live hares with the instructions for the next leg of the run…it made for discipline as we were forced to regroup for the ceremonial opening of each envelope along the way.

The runners headed off into the wilds of Southport along the Sundale bridge, with many a complaint about the heat, the fact that there were no markings on the ground, and other feeble complaints that would justify aborting and turning back for home. Half way along Brighton Parade Botcho was heard to proclaim.. “fuck this for a joke…it’s too bloody hot to run..I’m buggered and we’re still heading away from home…” but he kept on plugging on nevertheless.

There was a regroup near the corner of Akes Avenue, where Sir Two Dogs then confidently directed us even further away from home base and with many of us thinking “bloody hell, the prick is going to take us over Chevron Island to get back”…that would indeed be a long run! Fortunately Shat was not that cruel to us and instead we somehow found ourselves at the bottom end of Ferry Road, from where we kept heading back into Southport, where the next regroup was to be at the Southport Bowls Club….unfortunately that is where yours truly must end his run description because as it happens, I always carry my phone with me and fortuitously, my Go-Card is always tucked into its holder and….well,  a tram just conveniently happened to have come along and stopped at Queen Street at the right time…..I hope you all had a great run back to home base guys!!!!!!

I am reliably advised that many runners modified the run to suit themselves, as it is after all quite well known territory, but I did not see anyone else on the tram!! Sorry Link and Iceman if I kept you wondering where I’d gone…I did wave to you from the tram!!

Back at home base we all agreed that it was a good run and we enjoyed the saga of the envelopes instead of markings on the ground. Overall, one can only say that it was a good run Shat, you did well. We all were unanimous in concluding that there actually is nothing wrong with a good street run. Of course, being in the postcode of 4217, you guessed it….our resident explosives expert, Swollen Colon was in attendance, letting off crackers and stink bombs both before the run, during the run and during circle…..including attempting to incinerate the booze bucket, which seemed to have a couple of hundred dollars in it at the time!!!!  Poor Weekly went into a real tailspin about that one…fortunately the only damage done was a couple of slightly fried $50 notes.

The Nosh:

Whilst Shat took credit for a solo effort on the nosh, it was plainly obvious that this was a first class production of the GOLD COAST HASH HOUSE HARRIERS PREMIER CYCLING TROUPE…AKA “THE WARRIORS”!!! There they all were, proudly and generously ensuring that all of us were well fed tonight, dishing out great dollops of salad and potatoe and mince bake, of which there was an ample supply, meaning that the gluttons amongst us could easily go back for generous second helpings. Dessert was individual apple pies topped off with a scoop of ice cream and lavish servings of custard. Warriors, and particularly Shat, you have done the Hash proud, you really have!!

The Circle:

Out front to start were all first time 2016 runners, including Showpony, Ferrett, Aussie, Moonbeams, Swollen Colon, Colonel Klink, Josephine, Now-Loved, Brewtus, Swindler and Caustic…in fact there were so many out the front for a down-down that Circumference stated “we should fuck them all off and the rest of us should get up….it would be cheaper!!”

 Second out the front for a down-down is our young Brewtus, for demonstrating that he clearly has a high sperm count….congratulations again mate!!…We expect that as soon as he is out of nappies, you will introduce our newest Hashman to us all.

Before leaving the floor, the GM reminded us all that if we bring our own booze to Hash, it will be $5.00 corkage.

Onto the RA…..who immediately called myself, Latrine and Jigsaw out the front for a down-down for “mischievous behaviour” during the run. My misdemeanour is described above…goodness only knows what Jigsaw and Latrine were guilty of doing…I am afraid I wasn’t listening too closely, but I am sure that it was well deserved.

Showpony was dragged out the front for failing to bring the Prick of the Week paraphernalia…with his excuse being “that prick (pointing at yours truly) wrote in the words that I should have it in perpetuity!!”…several Hashers looked at each other and muttered “what does in perpetuity mean???”. Hopefully it turns up next week!!

Swollen Colon brought an ambit charge that none of us have the ability to run in a pack! Of course we can’t run in a pack with him around…we’re all shit scared of getting blown up!!

Caustic also brought an ambit charge that “all you pricks have drunk my mid-strength…you pricks!”

 The RA then handed proceedings back to the GM who finished it off by bringing Jigsaw and Sorry out the front to drink from their brand new shoes!!…never a problem when you always get your shoes from Vinnies!!

As Moonbeams is back, he ended the circle with his usual refrain “end of circle!!”

That’s all folks!!

Fanny Charmer

On Sec.

RUN PICTURE GALLERY

Run 1992

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Run 1992

Run: 1992

Date: 4-01-2016

Location: Paradise Point

Hares: Iceman

Runners: 29

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!!!… Hope you all had a great break over the Christmas/New Year period and I expect that we are all ready to get back into some serious Hashing this year once again brought to you by your dedicated BTB Hierarchy (that’s “Back To Basics” guys, in case you didn’t already know!!). Tonight’s inaugural run of the year was brought to you by none other than Iceman, doing the whole lot on his own; that’s the run preparation and the nosh…a mighty fine effort there Iceman!

The Run:

We all gathered at the usual Paradise Point meeting place at the southern end of the park at the barbeque shelter and as the time for the run approached, out comes Sir Slab with two plastic containers of gingerbread men, lovingly prepared by Mrs Slab (Freddie) and which we all devoured to give us the requisite sugar hit necessary for the arduous run that lay ahead.

The run description from Iceman consisted of “you head up that way, follow the arrows and it goes in an anti-clockwise direction…it’s not too long and no, it doesn’t go through the Pine Ridge Conservation Park!!”…the latter bit of information being a relief as none of us had any desire to wade through waist-high water the way we did last time we ran from this location and when Flasher set the run.

Yours truly started off with all good intentions of doing the whole run, but after about 500 metres thought better of it and myself, Circumference and Sir Prince did our own “walk/jog”, following arrows until we lost the trail and then we meandered home. From the crowd that was already back at base camp when we got there, it was obvious that many of us decided to ease into the new year very gently!!  Of course there are the die-hards who haven’t let their fitness slip and they came in huffing, puffing and sweating quite some time later…well done Flasher, Miscarriage, Botcho, Rug and the others who took it somewhat seriously. I am reliably told that the walkers did about four laps of the barbeque shelter, caught their breath and sat down to get into the beers and the gingerbread men supplied by Sir Slab. I guess they did have a good excuse as it did start to rain shortly after we had all set off.

The Nosh:

Iceman, you are definitely in the running for “nosh of the year”, but then again it was the first of many to come!! In fine BTB fashion (kindly refer above for the meaning of the acronym), starters were several packs of assorted corn chips and dips and salsas…a fine start to any meal and there were certainly no complaints about it. See…you don’t have to do too much to impress this fine gathering of hashers!!

The mains was a mixture of bread rolls with lashings of butter, copious amounts of healthy salads (one of us was heard to mutter whilst waiting in line “I ain’t having any of that healthy green shit!”) and first-grade sliced ham with several varieties of garnishes available, including hot English mustard.  Many of us went back for seconds and at the end of the night, when Iceman announced that there was much ham left over and that we should take it home, like bees around a honeypot several hashers pounced with their pieces of foil at the ready, grabbing great quantities of sliced ham to take home. It was interesting to note that it was the more well-to-do hashers who participated in this mad feeding frenzy…maybe that is why they are well off…scrimp and save and live on left-overs…that would be right!!!

Dessert…another BTB classic…ice cream cones, plain vanilla ice cream, choc chips, hundreds and thousands and a fresh strawberry for each cone…a classic!!!! Elvis went back for thirds but found that by that time it had all been packed up!!

The Circle:

Some “thank you’s” at the start of circle…firstly, Sir Slab for the gingerbread men….as previously mentioned, they went down a treat. Secondly, a BIG thankyou to our new permanent member from Darwin, Sorry, for fixing our generator…he had to take it to bits to be able to replace a $5.00 part in it…the pull-cord. Thankfully he is fully trained in Honda engines, having been apprenticed to his father in Darwin! Brilliant effort Sorry, thank you!!

Next was an apology from Moonbeams…seems that he has fallen off his bike and has now “taken a bad turn”…sorry to hear this and hope you up and at it again soon. Sir Blackstump responded to this news with “don’t let him die!!! If he does it means I’m next oldest here and next in line..please don’t let him die!!”.

Truckie was asked to comment on the Nosh… “well, the hot English mustard sure cleaned the nostrils out!”

 It was announced that our newest hashman, son of Brewtus has finally been named…can you believe that it’s Harry William!!! Very royal flavour Brewtus….congratulations to you and Mrs Brewtus.

We then moved on the RA’s spot and Sir Two Dogs showed no mercy…firstly having a go at the gathering in general for all the 5 and 10 cent coins in the booze bucket…”who the fuck pays for a $3 beer with 5 cent coins???”….of course the answer is quite obvious..Flasher!!!

On the subject of Flasher, out the front he came for a down-down for the stupid email he sent (well, I thought it was funny!).

Jigsaw was the next victim for a down-down, for having buggered his knees quite severely due to the fact he now rides with cleats on his bike and forgot that you have to actually get at least one foot out of them when you come to a stop!!

VD was also brought out the front for his dicky knees which are no longer dicky…congrats on a good recovery and welcome back VD…sorry that you will be disappearing soon to Tassie to escape our awful humidity for a while.

Sir Slab came out the front to give a down-down to our infrequent runner Opium…who only runs with us when we set a run outside his house!! Welcome Opium!!

Truckie again was called out the front to account for another “lost wallet incident”…this time it was left somewhere in the Hunter Valley…he protested vigorously against this charge… “it wasn’t like you say RA, it’s all bullshit…you don’t know half the story!”…the point is there is ALWAYS a story when it comes to Truckie…thanks for making it fun mate!!

Finally…of course, Miscarriage had to have a bit of a rant and ridicule someone…poor Bluecard….apparently has a similar action when tackling an ice-cream cone as does the “watermelon boy” at the cricket…pull it up on Youtube..it’s gone viral apparently…and the final final word also from Miscarriage..in the absence of Moonbeams and Josephine…”end of circle”!!

That’s it for this week guys…welcome to 2016!

Fanny Charmer

On Sec.

RUN PICTURE GALLERY

Run 1991

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Run 1991

Run: 1991

Date: 28-12-2015

Location: Broadbeach

Hares: Latrine and Cumsmoke

Runners: 19

and the On Sec gets writers cramp! Well that’s his story, but as we say  “Why let the truth stand in the way of a good story”

A great night was had by all that attended. The nosh was bloody fantastic, Roast Turkey, salad, fruit salad and  a bottle of Benedictine to toast the night.

Well done.

On On

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RUN PICTURE GALLERY

Run 1990

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Run 1990

Run: 1990

Date: 21-12-2015

Location: Surfers Paradise

Hares: Hierarchy

Runners: 39

Merry Christmas everyone!!!… It’s that time of year again…and no, it’s not bloody “happy holidays” or any other such politically correct expression…it’s merry bloody Christmas so a happy one to all Hashers and their families from yours truly and the rest of your BTB hierarchy (that’s “back to basics” btw)!!

 The lead-up:

 Thanks to all of those who undertook all of the preparation that went into making the Christmas run the success that it was, as it involves a lot of work, including discussions with operators of the various drink-stops, telling them that they have to cater for 35 Santas walking in en-masse at certain designated times and most importantly, the organisation of the venue for the dinner, so thank you Sir Two Dogs and Missing Link for the drink stop organisation and thank you Master of C.R.A.P, Nasty, for all your work in organising the venue for the dinner, Niccolini’s, which I am sure we all enjoyed.

The hiccup over which Nasty nearly had a heart attack, with the owner of Niccolini’s telling him at the last minute that having a girl with no top on would be entirely not acceptable, ended up working out OK, with our girl, Crissie, working the tables very professionally and I am sure that we all found her good fun! You will all agree that she was a good sport in the park before we set off to our drink stops!!

The “pre-lube” was held in the park above Bruce Bishop carpark, where our GM, Rug, had organised the nibblies, which consisted of smoked salmon and capers, olives, salami, humos, sausage rolls, chips, crackers and various other delicacies. A fine treat Rug, and thank you! We all devoured it with passion!!

The booze-masters, Brewtus and Weekly, were spared from having to drive tonight as they were capably assisted in getting the booze to the park by our Master of C.R.A.P, Nasty, again thank you for giving the guys a night off from driving.

It was pleasing to see that some of our more infrequent attendees came out of the woodwork to join in the festivities, including Elvis, Swollen Colon, Fucks Off and Big Mac, to name a few. Lurch, whose life has somewhat unravelled of late, was a late starter, missing all but the last drink stop so it was good to see him there too!

We all missed seeing Showpony on the night, wondering if he had taken to heart the debacle of the previous week and with some Hashers having heard that he was “going to give Hash a bit of a break…like about a year”…..come on Showpony, you’re one of us…we want you back…the debacle happened, you copped shit in true Hash fashion, you apologised and it’s all over…got it? It’s all over!!!  Future absences will be looked upon extremely unfavourably!!!

The “Run”

The first drink stop on the “run” tonight was at the Fiddler’s Green on Cavill Avenue where we all imbibed at leisure before moving on to the second drink stop, the Lansdowne Road Irish Tavern where our accompanying girl, Crissie, made a few eyeballs pop out when she started flashing some of the drinkers present…the incident with the two gay Japanese guys was funny….and speaking of Japanese, out of somewhere there appeared Miscarriage’s twin brother, funnily enough also dressed in a Santa suit and proceeded to chat up two Japanese girls sitting outside…the conversation did indeed look intense and I am sure that phone numbers were being exchanged….hmmmm….that reminds me that one of our Hashers…..no names mentioned, but newly single I believe, asked me for a certain participant’s phone number…and no, that participant is not a male!!…hmmmm.

From there we moved, after the regulation two pints each, along Surfers Paradise Boulevarde, through the Hilton complex and onto Cavill Mall for our final drink stop, Kitty O’Shea’s on Cavill Mall. Missing Link and yours truly had been advised by the manager of this establishment on our pre-run reccie of the drinkstops that our girl would be welcome and “as long as she stays inside the premises she can do what she likes” which meant that we were all treated to a bit of an “eye-full”, as were a couple of young blokes sitting at the bar who got a bit hot under the collar!!!…..now that is the sort of welcome we like from any venues we attend!!   Good fun had by all here!! From there, it was more mayhem and yahooing through the mall, wishing everybody good cheer, including the two “statue” buskers…on on to the dinner venue!!

The dinner and “circle”

Well, I will keep this brief, but what looked like being a total Hash debacle and quite frankly, a total “fuck up” ended up (as I predicted it would happen Link!) a corker of a night, with great food, plenty of wine and beer and with much merriment happening during the course of the dinner, one of the highlights being a very enthusiastic and animated rendition of “Swing Low Sweet Chariot”, led by Elvis, Caustic and Flasher….it was side-splittingly funny. An added bonus…the threatened intolerance regarding our girl never really happened and she worked the tables very capably, joining in the festivities and bringing a smile to a lot of the faces in the crowd!! Onya Crissie!!

Our esteemed GM got up on a chair at the end of the night for an impromptu circle and to thank everybody for coming and to wish all a Merry Christmas…I could have sworn he was talking jibberish thanks to the effects of alcohol….both on him and myself!!

Nasty, as Master of C.R.A.P you have excelled yourself…thanks a heap mate..I know you stressed it…told you it would all work out on the night…you certainly pulled a rabbit out of the hat!

Again…MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!!

Fanny Charmer

On Sec.

RUN PICTURE GALLERY