The informal gathering of the usual miscreants signalled the venue of Kwakka’s abode and run venue. The Council had been advised there was a “reserved” gathering and had cut the lawn, disabled the street lamp closest to the curb and partially covered the sign purporting the park to be an alcohol FREE zone. Indeed it was ostensibly alcohol for Free as Kwakka was heralding his entrée to the life of a septuagenarian. Swollen Colon rode up on his pushie with a half litre of Sapporo around his neck. Jigsaw also arrived on a two wheeler but under battery power. Kitchen Bitch made his debut by driving up the wrong way on a one way street. All of these omens signalled a good evening was in store for all.
Kwakka dispatched some 21 “runners” and asked the 10 walkers to stay back a moment. With his usual empathy and style Kwakka advised the walkers “there is one, possibly two drink stops” – and with that, the walkers stumbled off in the opposite direction of the “runners” leaving Phil to watch over everyone’s possessions and the grog.
The both the run and walk were well marked. The walkers surmised the first drink stop was Swindler’s Palace. Mdme Latrine rang the bell and even their dog was too afraid to attend the gate so the walking pack sauntered on around Chevron Island to the Chevron Tavern. The motley lot was penniless so Phantom dug deep into his own coffers to ensure everyone had a cold one. Now Loved stayed back – hoping for a second drink but it was not to be.
Unfortunately, the walkers returned first to the fold and commenced to devour copious quantities of baked meat balls – to such excess that Kwakka had to wrap up the remaining ones so they weren’t devoured by the motley walking tribe. At that point Circumfrence and others began returning from the run and ice cold FREE (or was it $1.00?) Crownies were being passed around with wanton disregard for the latecomers.
Visiting Hashers Dish Licker (the miner with the goatee), Vaso and Anchovy were receiving lots of attention from many who could not remember their names. Also returning Hashmen Kitchen Bitch and Nasty were in conversational demand. You’d think it was a formal function as several unnamed Hashmen were in formal work attire – but like Fanny Charmer – they just wanted to ensure Kwakka was properly wished and blessed for his 15 March birthday. Another unnamed hasher had the audacity to implore” how many septuagenarians’ do we have in the club?”
With that, the nosh was on and Kitchen Bitch was as impressed as he was astounded. “Jesus, mate, it was like Noah’s Arc…they came up two by two…never have I seen such control and patience”. Notwithstanding, Sir Two Dogs got in first – as is his practiced protocol. Other hashers were feeling pangs of moral compunction as they gorged themselves on crumbed Chicken Schnitzel accompanied by a spiral pasta/garden salad combo….because Sir Prince Valiant had not (yet) shown up to collect the subs for this wonderful run and nosh. As Chocolate/Vanilla frozen cheese cake came out, Sir Prince Valiant had appeared and the fiscally obedient queued not to have to pay last (right Truckie?). When I asked Josephine what part of the Nosh he was enjoying the most, he retorted “I haven’t found that bit yet” but later recanted when his digestive processes commenced.
The Club fuels itself fiscally in good part on grog sales and there are several amongst us who go to lengths to cheat the Boozemaster Weekly of his due revenue. This week two hashers brought their own beers, another 7 to 9 hash millionaires failed to pay the $1 free beer fee. More outlandish was another Hierarchy Committee member who surreptitiously poured abundant quantities of white wine (brought from home) into his opaque chalice without paying corkage.
At some point, an oblong Circle was called and Sir Prince was thanked for last week’s Corona beers. Another Hasher noted that Kitchen Bitches birthday is coming up next week and there were lots of birthdays happening. When asked who was older (Sir Prince Valiant (now 67) or Kwakka (now 70)) Bent Banana blurted “ Kwakka is the YOUNGER one!”
When Now loved was asked to describe the walk, he advised that Swindler’s Pub was closed but the Chevron Island pub had a GOOD barmaid. Swollen Colon spat the dummy with Flasher alleging Flasher had gone through a red light on the run to make up time. Not to be outdone, Flasher came bearing a gift for the GM. A Cockwarmer as the murmurs attested. Flasher put it on the GM’s head (the one on his shoulders) and resounded “you tuck it, not fcuk it”. There were even more embarrassing moments in the circle…… LOST PROPERTY. Apparently, Truck tyres had left his silver chalice some weeks ago and didn’t even know it was missing until he caught Madamoiselle Latrine swilling red wine from it. He endeavoured to repossess it (with wine still in the chalice) and Latrine would not yet relent preferring to pitch it later into the Circle and do a Down Down for doing so. Boozemaster Weekly had been waiting MONTHS to repatriate Kitchen Bitches official has plate. The unfazed and seemingly ungrateful Kitchen Bitch accepted it gracefully saying “ I needed a BIGGER plate”.
In other news- it was gossiped that Hard On had won a golfing tournament – ostensibly because he played on a team with his wife and daughter who had ensured their victory.
Miscarriage entered the Circle as reigning POW and had obviously given a lot of thought to the previous week’s run and ensuing debacle. He singled out several candidates to succeed him:
• Missing Link. The TRAILMASTER carries final authority for the trails set and is to oversee same
• Caustic Crusader – for his insidious and condescending remarks posted on the GHHH website
• Sir Rabbit – the light of Queensland and still didn’t find his way
• Truck Tyres – for leading the pack to the SOUTH and not NORTH after hitting the rail line. The rail lines only run north – south – north and on home was clearly NORTH.
You guessed it, Truck Tyres was awarded POW and we all gazed in disbelief as Truckie did his down down down down with his cock inside the funnelled glass. Every Hashman knows how difficult this type of consumption can be when you have our cock in your glass and are trying your best to gulp down its contents!
Next week’s Hare is supposed to be Lurch but the website states Flasher so stay tuned for still another debacle and more laughter and fun
As Phil was indisposed, Moonbeams called end of circle at 8:52 pm.
On On Madamoiselle Latrine for the overworked Fanny Charmer