Date: 1/06/2015

Location: Broadbeach

Hares: AGPU Hierarchy

Runners: 46

Hash words for AGPU 2015

Here I sit following the AGPU, lonely, somewhat hung over after a night of frivolity and merriment, but nevertheless, selflessly and devotedly committed to providing my fellow hash men with a true account of the night’s events.

Before the account of the events though, it is fitting to give all of the outgoing hierarchy a resounding THANK YOU from all of us for all that you have done this past year. It has been truly inspirational, it really has!

The Prelude:

The night started off with drinks and nibbles at the park just north of Kurrawa Surf Club….”fair enough” we all thought..we’ve done this before and after an hour of this we moved on and had a few more beers at Envy Bar in Broadbeach (don’t know what the f@#* there is to envy, quite frankly!)…those of us on the SRS (Slug & Rug & Shat) diet thought we just couldn’t drink beer so paid for wine instead, staying true to the cause of our lean protein, low GI, low carb diet.

One drink and we were off! Through Broadbeach we meandered, thinking we were now going to the eventual destination of our AGPU dinner, but no, very cleverly the hierarchy threw another spanner in the works and we were back to the park, this time south of the Kurrawa Surf Club, with most of us thinking “what the fuck is going on here…is the trailer going to pull up any minute now and we’re going to have a trailer AGPU here in the park, all of us freezing our bollocks off in the process???”.

We were convinced that this was going to be the case until our favourite girl Crissy turned up in the park…no way could she possibly strip off in this cold weather and sure enough, a few wines and beers later and we were off again, much to the amusement of the punters in Broadbeach whom you could tell were all thinking “wtf!..who are these old pricks and what the hell are they up to in that silly get up??”. Some parents were seen to shepherd their children away from us…don’t know why…surely we don’t look like bloody priests in our hash formal gear!!

The Nosh and Party:

After a few twists and turns surely designed to keep us guessing as to our ultimate location, we went to a place on the Gold Coast Highway, under the Meriton Building called the “Aussie Chinese Kitchen” where the festivities all started, and with the outgoing hierarchy all lined up at the head table, looking like Christ and the 12 apostles at the last supper.

The tables were choc-a-bloc full of red wine, but quite frankly, that is where the generosity in terms of servings began and ended. Soon after we settled in, out came some spring rolls and other starters…one platter per table, all not even touching the sides as we were all feeling that we could devour an Arab’s jockstrap; such was our level of hunger! Soon thereafter came some fried rice, after that some chicken and some greens.

The general consensus on the food was that “we waz ripped off!” but hey, it’s the AGPU and who really gives a f#@* at the end of the day…we just won’t go there again….simple! I don’t get how restaurants think this can be good for business, making a killing on one occasion, only to miss out on subsequently being selected for other events, including the monthly splinter lunch…idiotic on their part, it really is! As a member of hierarchy now,

I can assure you all that I will use my new position of power to influence my fellow hierarchy to make sure we never go there again!! At least the wine was good…it took Mme Latrine several short minutes to be completely knocked out by it…one minute lucid and engaging, the next minute fast asleep, even with mammaries being shoved in his face!!

The frivolous part of the evening was great fun, with Crissy being an all-round good sport, apart from getting pissed off with one hasher who shall not be named who kept wanting to take too many liberties with her posterior regions!! Her friend Ruby was good fun too, apart from not wanting her boobs in photographs…FFS!!..this is Hash and it’s the AGPU….get with the program girls!! Oh, and a personal thing here…what is it with chicks and tattoos…hate them, hate them, hate them…blah!!!!!!…just saying!

I won’t waffle on about the various awards and nominations etc…you all have a year book now…read it!!! Suffice to say that the outgoing hierarchy is going to be hard to top, it really is…we all walked out with a great gift pack of two bottles of wine, a wine bottle case with each of our names and our logo on it, and yes…yet another bloody shirt that Missing Link will never wear…emblazoned with yet another picture of the outgoing hierarchy!

Out with a bang:

This hierarchy has certainly gone out in a blaze of glory!! As your new official on-sec, rather than the assistant to the assistant to the on sec, I look forward to serving you well in this capacity. Adieu for now…back to recovering from the AGPU!!

On on,

Fanny Charmer

On-Sec